Tuesday, February 27, 2007

happiness is...

...discovering that one of your current favorite authors is really a psudonym, and that she has a dozen more books written under her real name!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

well, yay :)

i got an email this morning from the dean of the rutgers graduate school in response to a teaching workshop i primarily prepared tuesday and gave yesterday. presumably the audience liked what i had to say as she wrote:

Dear Lara,
I saw your evaluations. WOW. Thanks so much for doing an outstanding job. The attendance also exceeded the registration. Thank you for your enormous contribution to... (etc. with comments about the teaching groups I'm involved in this semester)

not bad, eh?

teaching for my advisor in 1.5 hours and i'm still in PJs.. it's just one of those weeks :P

happy thursday!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

happy valentine's day!

valentine's day seriously amuses me. every year, people i know who are actually in romantic relationships stress out about getting the perfect gift, etc. to tell that "someone" how they feel. but even more intriguing: the people i know who are NOT romantically involved get frustrated about the holiday, and each year many seem to bemoan the fact that they don't have anyone more and more loudly than before. whichever side of the coin you're on, it seems that just the date of february 14 makes emotion run high, either with joy or with angst.

today, as a girl celebrating my 26th straight valentine's day of being single, i can honestly say i'm perfectly content. actually the past month or so, i've been the most content i've been in awhile. (note: content doesn't mean completely stressfree,... just overall happy with my life and what i have in it right now :P) i can't speak for others, but i know when valentine's day angst has worked its way into my system in years past, it's usually because of a voice in my head saying "look at all the people you know who are in relationships, they have it, you want it, why can't you have it too?" or some variation thereof. and actually, when i think about it, it's a very selfish voice... as if a meaningful relationship is just something you can buy, and i should have one too just because many of my friends do. this year, i refuse to buy into the small selfish voice. don't get me wrong; i'm not anti-love/relationships/etc. if the right person comes along, i'm all about seeing what happens. but it's not something i NEED to make me a complete and happy person.

one of these years (God-willing), i'll be all excited about valentine's day because of romantic love, but for now, i'm resolved to working on patience and being content with where i'm at. and in lieu of all the flowery love notes and whatever you see around today, here's two of my all time favorite love notes that go for you too:

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken." (Isaiah 54:10)

"'I have called you by name, you are mine', says the Lord" (Isaiah 43:1)

done rambling: happy valentine's day to all y'all. no matter what side of the coin you're on today, make sure to also revel in the fact that "God loves you!". really. :)

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

i signed in to write about...

* how i am going to be tight pressed to cover 6 sections of the precalculus textbook in 45 minutes when i teach leigh's students later today

* major philosophical differences that i recently discovered between maple and mathematica (two math computer programming languages)

* how EXCITED i am to buy my own bowling ball finally later this afternoon

* how AWESOME my church's first annual women's retreat was this past weekend.

but then i read a bulletin from an old grade school friend. her mom died less than 10 months ago from cancer. then, her husband of 1.5 years was killed in an accident yesterday morning. she's 24.

i only met her husband once briefly, but i read that and my heart just ached for her. when things are going good, it's the little things that make life entertaining and fun. when something major like this goes down, all those little things pale in comparison to how transient life really is.

so instead of all those lots of things, here's the short version: pray for peace for sarah as she goes throughout this week and beyond, and make sure to hug the people you love today.

the end.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

two quotes

"positive thought of the day" from a local radio station earlier in the week:
triumph is just oomph added to try. :)

advisor quote of the day:
before class today, i was talking to a friend about how i substitute taught precalc on tuesday while sounding like a frog from my cold. my advisor overheard and quickly chimed in:
"but lara, having you sounding like a frog is much preferable to most people sounding like princesses."
(i.e. to be translated as: he'd rather hear my teaching style even with a bad voice, than plenty of other people who are not as dedicated teachers even if their voice is fine. :P)

it made me smile.

happy thursday! :P

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

one of these days, i will learn....

...how to relax.

one would think that relaxing is not hard to do, but for me... oi.

i have this amazing knack for getting involved in way more things than most sane people would tackle at once.

this is easy to do since i don't have what one would call a "typical" job. i am a grad student. what's more, i'm a 4th year graduate student, and i've finished ALL my class requirements. all that's left between me and my degree is writing a thesis. so i don't work 9-5, or have anything remotely close to a "normal" schedule. my life is more or less a giant to do list, and i can work whenever and whereever i want as long as i meet periodic deadlines and don't miss lunch meetings i'm expected to be at.

sooo, besides my research (which is already more or less a full time job), the past week (for example), has included:

(1) a two hour lunch meeting with two dozen other grad students and faculty who have the same bonus fellowship i do this year to discuss why students cheat and what to do about it
(2) lunch at a fancy women's club in princeton to meet with people from an organization that gave me another grant this year
(3) reading and reviewing 50 of the nearly 200 REU applications we have for the summer research program i help run
(4) telemarketing on behalf of my undergraduate university
(5) substitute teaching for my housemate leigh (who is at a conference in france for the MONTH of february) all day yesterday, and THEN spending 3 hours grading quizzes from all 100 of her students

i'm generally very good at being busy and keeping people in all 50 million aspects of my professional life happy. then there comes weeks like this one. where, on top of the list above, i
(1) end up fighting a cold and going through 3 boxes of tissues in 4 days and dealing with intense sinus pressure
(2) lose my voice and keep up with my usual schedule and more anyways (i seriously taught leigh's 3 classes worth of precalculus yesterday while sounding like a very quiet frog because that's the only noise i could get out of my throat)

when i woke up today (my 5th consecutive day of being sick) with a headache, i physically needed a dead day to not do anything. what's more, the whole "my life is a giant to do list without a concrete timeline" gig, gives me the freedom to totally not do anything all day if i don't want to. there's no one to call in sick to and no one wonders what's up. it's totally just me being accountable to myself.

and that's totally what i did (a lot of sitting around and a bit of typing on my laptop while curled up in a recliner), but nonetheless, i felt incredibly lazy about it, and feeling lazy makes me mad. it was a huge mental battle most of the day to convince myself that i was doing a good thing by not physically pushing myself to the limit for another day in a row. i felt like i should be somewhere doing something productive.

one would think that most people are totally happy for the freedom to veg out for a day. not me. don't get me wrong. like the month of may, where i PLAN to relax, i'm fantastic for taking a break from work, and reading lots of fiction and doing a bit of travelling. but that's scheduled relax time. taking time to chill out because i physically need it when i still have lots on my immediate to do list. soooo hard.

end of essay..... does anyone else have this problem? or have i officially classified myself as a workaholic? 1,2,3,...react. :P