they say every cloud has a silver lining...

...but sometimes i wonder if it's the other way around. lately it feels like things that seem on the whole to be very good have extra thorns that can be hard to get past.
(long brain dump follows, consider yourself forewarned)

random rundown of life lately:

* my past: memphis.... my old church in memphis got like the *perfect* pastor a year ago after being in an interim period for a year and a half. his skills and the congregation's needs were the PERFECT fit. unfortunately between the housing market in florida (where he comes from) and his family's desires, he moved up to memphis and they stayed put all year in florida citing various reasons. finally, after weighing things for a long time, a week ago he decided to resign and go back to florida to be with his family. his last sunday is next week. he loved the congregation and the congregation loved him. his personality helped motivate a lot of good and exciting things. but very quickly he's gone and they're in another interim period. in the end they'll grow and find a new pastor. he'll settle things with where his family needs to be, etc. but right now i'm a little sad for my old church.... it's a rough not-as-fun spot to be in for a bit.
good: my church grew a lot with a fantastic pastor for the past year... thorn: now they're in an interim period again

* my past: valpo... i've very proud of my undergraduate school and the things i got out of it. i was a science major and a member of the humanities honors college. back in september i was asked to help contact high school seniors who want to be science majors, and are qualified for the honors college, but haven't applied for it yet. this weekend the packet of what i should do came in. i was a telemarketer for the university for a year and a half while i was a student there, but i hate making phone calls and have gotten more and more hesitant to make them since. in the next 3 weeks it's my job to call 5 such students and try to get them excited about applying to the honors college. i planned to do it today, but basically fretted about it for 4 hours instead, without dialing a single number. my extreme dislike for making phone calls to strangers is a major thorn right now, but i'm sure, once i get going it'll be fine and i'll be happy to have done it.
good: i love my college and want other people to know about the cool things they have to offer... thorn: i hate initiating phone calls

* present: research... i'm all about getting paid to study things i enjoy... it's like the perfect job. especially since i'm on fellowship this semester. my life is like a giant to do list without much structure. after a productive time of catching up on fairly straightforward aspects of my research last week, i was feeling pretty good. but now i'm up to the next big roadblock and it's giving me a headache.
good: i love doing my math... thorn: when that's almost *ALL* that's on my schedule for a few days and i feel like my progress has hit a brick wall, it's a little frustrating

* present: teaching... i love teaching when i'm in the classroom. i also am not capable of doing something only half way, so i've made a lot of noise about improving teaching in the past couple semesters too. as a result i have an extra teaching fellowship from the university this year. for the most part the benefits of this are great. i get monthly lunch meetings with half a dozen other graduate fellows and a dozen faculty all of whom are very interested in discussing teaching issues, and i'm really excited about that. however, one of my duties is to present a teaching workshop in a month. i feel completely competant to talk to a room of math teaching assistants. but i get the sense that the math academic world operates a bit differently from other departments, so i'm a little hesitant about being deemed the "expert" in a room of TAs from different areas.
good: my time and effort for teaching are being honored... thorn: i'm a little nervous about seemingly being put in a place with a little more authority than i give myself...

* present: grants... i also have an extra grant this year from a fantastic organization that raises money for women in graduate school. as part of the grant i'm strongly encouraged to accept invitations of organization members to talk, attend various events, etc. i'm attending a philanthropy fair they're holding in late february as a representative recipient of their scholar award program. that's already kinda entertaining because i have no idea what to expect. the lady who invited me wrote me an email last night saying she'd like to meet me and take me out to lunch before the event. that's an innocent and pleasant invitation, and i gladly accepted the offer and suggested a few possible dates. she wrote me back that she'd like us to eat next week at a club she's a member of.
good: lunch at a fancy by-invitation-only club is exciting and an honor... thorn: i'm more of a jeans-and-sweatshirt-every-day-i-can-get-away-with-it kind of girl, so eating at a club is slightly stress inducing, as i'll periodically obsess about dress code and ettiquette for the next week and a half until i get there.

summary: life is pretty good, and i'm involved in lots of exciting things right now, but phone conversations, research roadblocks, and stepping out of my usual people-and-places circles of comfort make me nervous. in the end, i suppose "all of this too shall pass", and in the end, make me even stronger in dealing with the world (i do have a lot of paranoias to work on after all... ;) )

your job? keep my memphis church in prayer... and cross your fingers that i learn how to chill out in the near future instead of mentally working myself up into being really tense about interacting with the non-math graduate student world ;)

the end.