welcome to the latest installment of almost-done-with-grad-school angst. ;)
i seriously cannot sleep anymore. this is a problem.
my advisor assured me today that thesis defenses, at least in math departments, are basically a formality; that the thesis and your advisor's word are what really count. but still, with mine now 10 days away, it's not that i'm un-calm about it... but my mind won't turn off. seriously. why am i awake at 3 in the morning?
as of today, i have the job contract in my hands that will send me to indiana this summer. i just have to sign it and mail it back tomorrow. i feel like i should put it in a scrapbook or something instead though.
so weird to be talking about "job contracts". it's like that's an "adult concept" and although i'm nearly 27, i guess i perpetually view myself in this inbetween world of independent, but not an "adult"... the following line in quarterlife episode 36 a couple of weeks ago couldn't have said it better:
"In really serious situations I always feel like I'm pretending to be an adult. And it occurred to me recently that I might always have that feeling. Maybe everybody's pretending to be an adult. After all, we're not that young anymore. We kind of are the adults."
in my head, an "adult" is defined as someone closer to my parents' age, who owns a house, has a "9-5 job", etc., etc. certainly people my age do those things too, but i've been "postponing" the real world and getting paid mostly to study for the past number of years. i wonder if i'll ever fully want to classify myself as an "adult".
right now though, adult or not, i'm a ph.d. candidate who is just hoping that it will be possible to get more than 2 hours of sleep in the next week and a half rather than be a perpetual insomniac on account of stress and anticipation of big and rapidly approaching change...
we will see.
i wonder if there's any chance of me falling asleep before 4am.... oi...
Friday, March 28, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
technology...
... amazes me.
it's not like i'm incompetant with it... in fact i get along fairly well with most technology and am a decent computer programmer as needs be, but still.
i have several flights coming up, and logged into the airline website to check my itineraries... and one had changed slightly, and i was required to call the airline to confirm the new times were ok. anyone who knows me well knows i hate making phonecalls. i will call people i know periodically, but i do anything i can to find an alternative to calling businesses... personal quirk.
so i called the airline and in the past couple months (because i also confirmed a flight with the same airline via a real person on the phone in january) they've completely automated the process. and it's not just like the computer voice on the phone says "press 1,2,3, or 4" or accepts only a limited number of answers... it can parse quite a bit. in my whole phone conversation, it only made one mistake and it realized it was weird (for the date of the flight i was looking for i said april 11 without the year, and it asked if i really wanted a flight in 2011).
i shouldn't be so amazed at the capabilities of computers to process speech... i did, after all, take a course in speech and language processing 5 years ago as an undergraduate, so i have some vague idea of the process that goes into it. still, i find it awe-inspiring to see just how detailed of an interaction i can have with a computer over a phone these days...
that's all.
it's not like i'm incompetant with it... in fact i get along fairly well with most technology and am a decent computer programmer as needs be, but still.
i have several flights coming up, and logged into the airline website to check my itineraries... and one had changed slightly, and i was required to call the airline to confirm the new times were ok. anyone who knows me well knows i hate making phonecalls. i will call people i know periodically, but i do anything i can to find an alternative to calling businesses... personal quirk.
so i called the airline and in the past couple months (because i also confirmed a flight with the same airline via a real person on the phone in january) they've completely automated the process. and it's not just like the computer voice on the phone says "press 1,2,3, or 4" or accepts only a limited number of answers... it can parse quite a bit. in my whole phone conversation, it only made one mistake and it realized it was weird (for the date of the flight i was looking for i said april 11 without the year, and it asked if i really wanted a flight in 2011).
i shouldn't be so amazed at the capabilities of computers to process speech... i did, after all, take a course in speech and language processing 5 years ago as an undergraduate, so i have some vague idea of the process that goes into it. still, i find it awe-inspiring to see just how detailed of an interaction i can have with a computer over a phone these days...
that's all.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
mind block
is there ever an image you just can't get out of your head?
i love rainstorms.... like seriously, LOVE them. the more thunder and lightning the better... and if i have a cup of tea and a porch to sit on to enjoy mist without getting soaked, then life is perfect.
but, when there's a storm and i can't see my car, i seriously can't clear my head. (yes, that's weird)... last night, we had a huge storm that woke me up from 4:30-5:30, and instead of enjoying it, i kept wondering if i should go check my car.... about a week after i got the car 5 years ago, a huge storm hit memphis and a giant tree fell on it and smashed in the roof... it was in the shop for a month. and now i can't enjoy a storm without picturing another tree falling on my car. it's ridiculous.... and it's funny how clearly some images stick with you.
that is all.
i love rainstorms.... like seriously, LOVE them. the more thunder and lightning the better... and if i have a cup of tea and a porch to sit on to enjoy mist without getting soaked, then life is perfect.
but, when there's a storm and i can't see my car, i seriously can't clear my head. (yes, that's weird)... last night, we had a huge storm that woke me up from 4:30-5:30, and instead of enjoying it, i kept wondering if i should go check my car.... about a week after i got the car 5 years ago, a huge storm hit memphis and a giant tree fell on it and smashed in the roof... it was in the shop for a month. and now i can't enjoy a storm without picturing another tree falling on my car. it's ridiculous.... and it's funny how clearly some images stick with you.
that is all.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
we want entertainment!
last week i ranted about how i'm disappointed in new tv game shows... now, i have a new complaint: i was shocked when i read this:
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN2748604320080228
tuesday, NBC premiered this new show "quaterlife". the previews got my attention... it's all about a group of 20 somethings, one of whom writes a very detailed blog about anything and everything. i enjoyed it, and appreciated that it wasn't at all like the glitzy overproduced shows that are often on. at the end of the show, they said that it would move to a usual slot on sundays, but when i went to check what time on the nbc website this morning, it wasn't there, and hence the search that found me the link above. sad.
the thing that makes the cancellation "ok" (whatever that means) is that one episode isn't the only thing i have access to. apparently, "quarterlife" started simultaneously on myspace and on its own website back in november and they plan to contine releasing two 10 minute mini episodes per week. but cancelled after one episode? sad...
on the other hand, all the characters have their own myspace pages... not as like fan club pages, but as actual people. i'm not sure what to make of the intentional blurring of reality and fiction. it's intriguing and slightly disturbing at the same time. nonetheless, i can enjoy the story for awhile without getting into the whole character pages on myspace... whatever.
otherwise, i'm still waiting for my favorite shows to resume with post-strike episodes, and will greatly rejoice in april when they're back. in the meantime, i've fallen into reality TV for lack of anything "better" on.
i've enjoyed "the apprentice" a little less each season, but i'm still stuck on celebrity apprentice... i like lennox lewis, tito ortiz, trace adkins, and steven baldwin the best, so it was too bad that tito was fired this week... i'll probably stick with it til the end because it's there.
this season though, the bit of personal behavior that confuses me most is... i've somehow gotten hooked on american idol.. it's currently season 7, and i've had absolutely no interest in it at all before this year. but with so many days of just typing, typing, typing for my thesis, i need background noise, and the auditions for that a few weeks ago trumped any other options for background sound, and now i've gotten hooked on a few of them...David Archuleta and Carly Smithson have *amazing* voices... Jason Castro was impressive on the 1960s songs week and Kady Malloy has been impressive on the videos but not on stage yet; for both of them, I'm really hopeful to see a really outstanding performance in the next few weeks...how i got hooked after this many years of avoiding it... no clue, but it's something to have on in the background.
why all the TV? i realized at some point in high school that you can get totally physically exhausted from thinking really hard... days of working on my thesis do just that... i need something relaxing at the end of the day that involves zero effort from me...
nonetheless, there's other good entertainment to be found from time to time too... last weekend, Rutgers had a gospel choir concert evening with 4 choirs: two local to central NJ, and two older groups from Mississippi, and it was fantastic.... tonight, the youth at my church are putting on a play that me and a couple of my friends are going to... and of course, there's always the best entertainment: books. :) i'm in the middle of a math philosophy book, and the people at mental floss magazine never cease to make me laugh....
moral of the story: thank goodness for books and for live entertainment,... because i can't trust the TV to do much right anymore...
http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN2748604320080228
tuesday, NBC premiered this new show "quaterlife". the previews got my attention... it's all about a group of 20 somethings, one of whom writes a very detailed blog about anything and everything. i enjoyed it, and appreciated that it wasn't at all like the glitzy overproduced shows that are often on. at the end of the show, they said that it would move to a usual slot on sundays, but when i went to check what time on the nbc website this morning, it wasn't there, and hence the search that found me the link above. sad.
the thing that makes the cancellation "ok" (whatever that means) is that one episode isn't the only thing i have access to. apparently, "quarterlife" started simultaneously on myspace and on its own website back in november and they plan to contine releasing two 10 minute mini episodes per week. but cancelled after one episode? sad...
on the other hand, all the characters have their own myspace pages... not as like fan club pages, but as actual people. i'm not sure what to make of the intentional blurring of reality and fiction. it's intriguing and slightly disturbing at the same time. nonetheless, i can enjoy the story for awhile without getting into the whole character pages on myspace... whatever.
otherwise, i'm still waiting for my favorite shows to resume with post-strike episodes, and will greatly rejoice in april when they're back. in the meantime, i've fallen into reality TV for lack of anything "better" on.
i've enjoyed "the apprentice" a little less each season, but i'm still stuck on celebrity apprentice... i like lennox lewis, tito ortiz, trace adkins, and steven baldwin the best, so it was too bad that tito was fired this week... i'll probably stick with it til the end because it's there.
this season though, the bit of personal behavior that confuses me most is... i've somehow gotten hooked on american idol.. it's currently season 7, and i've had absolutely no interest in it at all before this year. but with so many days of just typing, typing, typing for my thesis, i need background noise, and the auditions for that a few weeks ago trumped any other options for background sound, and now i've gotten hooked on a few of them...David Archuleta and Carly Smithson have *amazing* voices... Jason Castro was impressive on the 1960s songs week and Kady Malloy has been impressive on the videos but not on stage yet; for both of them, I'm really hopeful to see a really outstanding performance in the next few weeks...how i got hooked after this many years of avoiding it... no clue, but it's something to have on in the background.
why all the TV? i realized at some point in high school that you can get totally physically exhausted from thinking really hard... days of working on my thesis do just that... i need something relaxing at the end of the day that involves zero effort from me...
nonetheless, there's other good entertainment to be found from time to time too... last weekend, Rutgers had a gospel choir concert evening with 4 choirs: two local to central NJ, and two older groups from Mississippi, and it was fantastic.... tonight, the youth at my church are putting on a play that me and a couple of my friends are going to... and of course, there's always the best entertainment: books. :) i'm in the middle of a math philosophy book, and the people at mental floss magazine never cease to make me laugh....
moral of the story: thank goodness for books and for live entertainment,... because i can't trust the TV to do much right anymore...
