song of the day:
Round and round and round and round
Round and round and round and round
History sits and she tells her stories
Bitter and twisted without power
Sitting watching feeding her jealous mouth
The future looks back to learn her lessons
Memories fade while experience beckons
I'm caught in the middle which way should I go
This generation is full of religion
Fed up with a diet of nothing
Give me the real thing flowing through my veins
This is the day, this is the hour
Show me the truth cause I want to be blinded
I wanna run, which way should I go
Gravity's pulling me, but heaven is calling me and
My head's spinning the world's twisted
My head's twisted the world's spinning
My head's spinning the world's twisted
My head's twisted the world's spinning round,
around
~deliriou5?
Sunday, November 30, 2003
control-freak(ing)-out-ness
i like feeling i'm in control of at least a small part of my life. even that's not an easy thing to do. i can't make my dad get along w/ me and vice versa. i can't make g-ma better. i can't do lots. i think that's why i like driving. i'm in charge of the car, the music, the scenery, the route, and it's a break from reality. it's a good thing.
i'm not in control of my classes... i've been loosely following but having some issues with some details in lie algebras for awhile... i'm about 4 chapters behind on the homework problems too... expecting he'll want them last day of class... this is bad.
i'm not in control of complex analysis... mostly because the "midterm" we have due next week is the first long involved assignment he's given in like a month and a half, and took forever to get original stuff back to us... b/c of that, i didn't put as much time into studying it, and now i feel behind in there too... oops... this is bad.
i'm not in control of real analysis... my homeworks are crummy, my midterm was crummy... i'm just hoping i pass... i've been trying, he's told me he sees very good improvement over the semester, but is still concerned about my level of understanding... my mind just has a hard time thinking like an analyst, so sue me.
algebra,... algebra is my friend. at least that much is true... and hopefully next semester graph theory will still be my best friend of a class like it was in undergrad.
mostly now that i'm sitting still and looking ahead to the last week and a half of classes, i have no idea how i'm going to pull it all off... blah.
so you know what i can be in control of? christmas cards... 5 down, 95 to go. this is something i can do and be done with by monday and be proud of. =) shouldbe doing homework, but um... yeah... just for me, i need to feel like i'm working on something i'm not already starting 4200 miles behind on. math time resumes tomorrow.
night.
i'm not in control of my classes... i've been loosely following but having some issues with some details in lie algebras for awhile... i'm about 4 chapters behind on the homework problems too... expecting he'll want them last day of class... this is bad.
i'm not in control of complex analysis... mostly because the "midterm" we have due next week is the first long involved assignment he's given in like a month and a half, and took forever to get original stuff back to us... b/c of that, i didn't put as much time into studying it, and now i feel behind in there too... oops... this is bad.
i'm not in control of real analysis... my homeworks are crummy, my midterm was crummy... i'm just hoping i pass... i've been trying, he's told me he sees very good improvement over the semester, but is still concerned about my level of understanding... my mind just has a hard time thinking like an analyst, so sue me.
algebra,... algebra is my friend. at least that much is true... and hopefully next semester graph theory will still be my best friend of a class like it was in undergrad.
mostly now that i'm sitting still and looking ahead to the last week and a half of classes, i have no idea how i'm going to pull it all off... blah.
so you know what i can be in control of? christmas cards... 5 down, 95 to go. this is something i can do and be done with by monday and be proud of. =) shouldbe doing homework, but um... yeah... just for me, i need to feel like i'm working on something i'm not already starting 4200 miles behind on. math time resumes tomorrow.
night.
Saturday, November 29, 2003
family fun time
back in jersey after a relatively eventful few days in pittsburgh.
wednesday was long, but uneventful. i woke up at 4am, left my apartment a little before 5am, drove eric to the newark airport and took of straight from there for pittsburgh, got in around 11:30am... easy drive and beautiful weather. i stayed with mom's younger sister priscilla and her family for the weekend, in addition to my uncle and two cousins, they have 6 parrots, 2 dogs, a cat, a fish, and a rabbit... i was roommates with the rabbit for the week... he runs races around his cage around 5am every day and is good at trying to escape =P
thursday was obviously thanksgiving... my mom and brother drove up from TN on wednesday, and my cousin heather (not one of aunt priscilla's kids) came over for a bit to visit too (she lives in pittsburgh too)... we all had thanksgiving dinner at roy (my step-grandpa)'s apartment, and then went to visit w/ g-ma in the nursing home... i always tell myself she's a little slower each time b/c she's tired or something, but her memory is definitely gradually declining and that's weird and hard... she's still her, still knows us, still has a good sense of humor and is interested in what we're up to, but she's ready to "go home", is bored, is depressed, is frustrated, and is slipping that it's harder and harder to have a real conversation with her that involves more than yes/no, lots of waiting, and short half sentence answers.
the main reason mom and my brother were up is that my step g-pa has been worried that someone should sort through g-ma's stuff in storage since she'll never be in shape to go down and sort through it, so most of the weekend was spent doing that... it's kinda weird b/c this is the kind of thing you'd think you'd be doing after she's gone, but mom, ryan, and i worked for quite some time... she had like 40 filing boxes full of stuff somewhat sorted that goes back for generations before her... i enjoyed reading christmas letters from my great grandparents over the span of 30-40 years... looking through old pictures and stuff that belonged to my uncle jonathan (mom's little brother, died of cancer at age 6) and reading my grandparents' and great-grandparents' baby books. we found my great-grandpa's diploma from when he graduated from seminary in 1922 with copies in latin and in german too! i took most of the old books to distribute to people i thought would appreciate and mom and ryan took a lot of the general misc. since he's working on genealogy research... it was interesting but a lot of work!
yesterday was g-ma's 75th birthday, even though she insisted she was turning 88 and felt like 100. we read her baby book to her and poems she had written in high school and her high school yearbook (one of her nicknames was "math whiz" -- apparently i come by it a little more honestly than i thought =P).
it was a good time... just strange w/ g-ma... like to illustrate her mind going, she insisted i take her for a stroll in her wheelchair on thursday afternoon, which is fine and normal, but insisted we were going "to the door". so she had me push her down the hallway. when we got to the glass door with a nice view i though she was talking about she told me to keep going down the hall and gave me definite directions at each turn until she finally led us to a dead end in the hallway, farther into the building than i've ever been before that just faced a plan solid window-less fire escape door... i told her there was nothing to see and i was going to take her back to her section of the building or at least that direction, she looked confused, and muttered something about tissues and looked distressed when i got her back near the rest of the family.
apparently friday, while mom ryan and i were going through storage and aunt pris was decorating g-ma's room for christmas, g-ma kept asking where ryan and priscilla were instead of kris (mom) and ryan... and priscilla kept telling her that *she* was priscilla and ryan and kris would be back later... when priscilla told her bye and that she was off to find me for lunch, g-ma said "oh, look for lara at the door at the end of the hall".
aunt pris also says that a few times (she comes to visit g-ma every sunday since she lives in town) g-ma's also gotten really upset when she's brought her back to her room and insisted the nurses moved all her stuff and that her room isn't hers... the nurses come by and tell her she's joking and should be nice, but g-ma has really gotten upset some of the time...
when she first had her strokes i was really upset and not dealing well with it... now that i've come more to terms with where she is, it's hard but i've somewhat adjusted to where she's at now... it's just hard to see her go downhill so noticeably in just 3 months, that yeah... end of thought... it's getting dark and i have tons of stuff i inherited from storage to get out of my car and up to my room.
later people!
wednesday was long, but uneventful. i woke up at 4am, left my apartment a little before 5am, drove eric to the newark airport and took of straight from there for pittsburgh, got in around 11:30am... easy drive and beautiful weather. i stayed with mom's younger sister priscilla and her family for the weekend, in addition to my uncle and two cousins, they have 6 parrots, 2 dogs, a cat, a fish, and a rabbit... i was roommates with the rabbit for the week... he runs races around his cage around 5am every day and is good at trying to escape =P
thursday was obviously thanksgiving... my mom and brother drove up from TN on wednesday, and my cousin heather (not one of aunt priscilla's kids) came over for a bit to visit too (she lives in pittsburgh too)... we all had thanksgiving dinner at roy (my step-grandpa)'s apartment, and then went to visit w/ g-ma in the nursing home... i always tell myself she's a little slower each time b/c she's tired or something, but her memory is definitely gradually declining and that's weird and hard... she's still her, still knows us, still has a good sense of humor and is interested in what we're up to, but she's ready to "go home", is bored, is depressed, is frustrated, and is slipping that it's harder and harder to have a real conversation with her that involves more than yes/no, lots of waiting, and short half sentence answers.
the main reason mom and my brother were up is that my step g-pa has been worried that someone should sort through g-ma's stuff in storage since she'll never be in shape to go down and sort through it, so most of the weekend was spent doing that... it's kinda weird b/c this is the kind of thing you'd think you'd be doing after she's gone, but mom, ryan, and i worked for quite some time... she had like 40 filing boxes full of stuff somewhat sorted that goes back for generations before her... i enjoyed reading christmas letters from my great grandparents over the span of 30-40 years... looking through old pictures and stuff that belonged to my uncle jonathan (mom's little brother, died of cancer at age 6) and reading my grandparents' and great-grandparents' baby books. we found my great-grandpa's diploma from when he graduated from seminary in 1922 with copies in latin and in german too! i took most of the old books to distribute to people i thought would appreciate and mom and ryan took a lot of the general misc. since he's working on genealogy research... it was interesting but a lot of work!
yesterday was g-ma's 75th birthday, even though she insisted she was turning 88 and felt like 100. we read her baby book to her and poems she had written in high school and her high school yearbook (one of her nicknames was "math whiz" -- apparently i come by it a little more honestly than i thought =P).
it was a good time... just strange w/ g-ma... like to illustrate her mind going, she insisted i take her for a stroll in her wheelchair on thursday afternoon, which is fine and normal, but insisted we were going "to the door". so she had me push her down the hallway. when we got to the glass door with a nice view i though she was talking about she told me to keep going down the hall and gave me definite directions at each turn until she finally led us to a dead end in the hallway, farther into the building than i've ever been before that just faced a plan solid window-less fire escape door... i told her there was nothing to see and i was going to take her back to her section of the building or at least that direction, she looked confused, and muttered something about tissues and looked distressed when i got her back near the rest of the family.
apparently friday, while mom ryan and i were going through storage and aunt pris was decorating g-ma's room for christmas, g-ma kept asking where ryan and priscilla were instead of kris (mom) and ryan... and priscilla kept telling her that *she* was priscilla and ryan and kris would be back later... when priscilla told her bye and that she was off to find me for lunch, g-ma said "oh, look for lara at the door at the end of the hall".
aunt pris also says that a few times (she comes to visit g-ma every sunday since she lives in town) g-ma's also gotten really upset when she's brought her back to her room and insisted the nurses moved all her stuff and that her room isn't hers... the nurses come by and tell her she's joking and should be nice, but g-ma has really gotten upset some of the time...
when she first had her strokes i was really upset and not dealing well with it... now that i've come more to terms with where she is, it's hard but i've somewhat adjusted to where she's at now... it's just hard to see her go downhill so noticeably in just 3 months, that yeah... end of thought... it's getting dark and i have tons of stuff i inherited from storage to get out of my car and up to my room.
later people!
Tuesday, November 25, 2003
you never know just...
song in my head for the past 2 days:
Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his leg in Dallas
He was dancing with a train
They were all in love with dyin'
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain
Some will die in hot pursuit
In fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
while sifting thru my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
and drink it from a fountain
that is pouring like an avalanche
coming down the mountain
I don't mind the sun sometimes
the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
Cinammon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
through other peoples eyes
Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his leg in Dallas
He was dancing with a train
They were all in love with dyin'
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain
Some will die in hot pursuit
In fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
while sifting thru my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
and drink it from a fountain
that is pouring like an avalanche
coming down the mountain
I don't mind the sun sometimes
the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
Cinammon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
through other peoples eyes
my insanity quotient =P
from Mind Media Brain Persuasion Test
Your Brain Usage Profile
Auditory : 30%
Visual : 69%
Left : 47%
Right : 52%
l, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.
You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.
You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.
With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.
Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.
Your Brain Usage Profile
Auditory : 30%
Visual : 69%
Left : 47%
Right : 52%
l, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.
You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.
You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.
With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.
Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.
errrrrrrrgh
pet peave: people who park so close to the driver's side of your car, you can't even open the door wide enough to throw your purse in.... not a good start to the day when i'm already running late for class and have to climb in through the passenger's side to get in my car!
money just spent on christmas stamps: $42.60 (how did i get to know so many people???)... see if you can tell how many US stamps i bought ($0.37), and how many international stamps ($0.80)... first one w/ the right answer wins 2 points =P
money just spent on christmas stamps: $42.60 (how did i get to know so many people???)... see if you can tell how many US stamps i bought ($0.37), and how many international stamps ($0.80)... first one w/ the right answer wins 2 points =P
(2^14)*(3^5)*(5^2)*7
"the reader is invited to contemplate for himself the action of the weyl group, whose order can be shown to be (2^14)*(3^5)*(5^2)*7." ~my lie algebras textbook.
invited, but i don't really want to think... who can actually picture the action of a group with 696,729,600 elements anyhow? certainly not me, and certainly not the last day of classes before break.
duuude =P
invited, but i don't really want to think... who can actually picture the action of a group with 696,729,600 elements anyhow? certainly not me, and certainly not the last day of classes before break.
duuude =P
"tell everybody i'm on my way...."
dude, what a day...
so sunday margie and i went to church and then to see "brother bear" and otherwise putzed around and ran a few errands... it was a good day, and "brother bear" was pretty quality. =)
favorite comical line?
kanai: ok, that's great, how about we just NOT talk, ok?
coda: ok! then i'll sing!
(intro into best song of the movie...) =)
favorite "moral of the story" line?
kanai is a human who hates bears but was turned into a bear, looking at a mural on a cave wall of a hunter with a spear and a bear, coda, an actual bear, comes up behind him
coda: those monsters are really scary
kanai: yeah...
coda: especially when they have those sticks
(it's all about seeing both sides of the story...)
dude, if only life had cartoon simplicity...
today, margie hung around campus all day while i had classes and then we had a good time for dinner at tgi fridays at the newark airport just before her flight... since then, i've been unmotivated to work on math, so i worked on printing out my christmas letter -- all 107 copies of it =P... only my printer was not being so agreeable... out of 120 sheets i tried to feed it, 13 came out messed up, but alas, it's done... =P... dave beagley suggested i threaten to turn it into a toaster, but apparently my printer doesn't succumb to threats... threatening to make it a microwave didn't work either...
mostly i think i was so easily irritated w/ the printer and so focused on that for the past several hours because i'm pretty irritated w/ my dad at present too... anyone who's talked to me in remotely recent history knows my famous mantra "oh i love my dad, we just get along better when there's a few states between us"... this is sooo true... i talked to him yesterday just fine and we had a nice chat... same the other times i've called home or vice versa this semester and while i'm away at school in general... tonight i called because i had asked him to have my brother call me last night and ryan never did call back... when i asked dad, "so could you have him call me *tonight*?" he got all annoyed with me as if i was asking the impossible and it was rude of me to ask that two nights in a row... whatever.. eventually ryan called to chat, but with dad periodically audible in the background "you're behind on your chores, why do you have to talk on the phone?"... i hadn't talked to ryan in the better part of two months, and it was super frustrating to end the chat with dad cussing at him in the background, him cussing back where i could hear him, and me pissed in general for having to deal with them... gotta love family...
random that i started w/ brother bear... i have no idea how to start looking at the flip side of the coin on this one though... if i had even a clue, maybe dad and me wouldn't spend so many hours yelling when we're actually in the same place at the same time... it's funny b/c people comment offhand sometimes when i relate dad stories that people fight because they're sooo similar... i hate that comment because for just about as long i can remember, i've been trying *not* to be like dad... i mean he has his qualities i respect, but he's also one of the most hypercritial people i know... pretty sure i've taken that and am super hyper critical towards myself but try (and think i succeed?) not being so much of others... when things don't go the way he wants them, he gets mad, starts yelling, and blames everyone else... when things don't go my way, i get mad, start beating up inanimate objects, and blame myself... dude, i've internalized my dad... that's great
on that note, i'm going to vote that i'm too tired to really be making sense right now and you can take the previous paragraph at whatever level of seriousity or joking you want....
in like 38 hours i'll be in pittsburgh =)
night
so sunday margie and i went to church and then to see "brother bear" and otherwise putzed around and ran a few errands... it was a good day, and "brother bear" was pretty quality. =)
favorite comical line?
kanai: ok, that's great, how about we just NOT talk, ok?
coda: ok! then i'll sing!
(intro into best song of the movie...) =)
favorite "moral of the story" line?
kanai is a human who hates bears but was turned into a bear, looking at a mural on a cave wall of a hunter with a spear and a bear, coda, an actual bear, comes up behind him
coda: those monsters are really scary
kanai: yeah...
coda: especially when they have those sticks
(it's all about seeing both sides of the story...)
dude, if only life had cartoon simplicity...
today, margie hung around campus all day while i had classes and then we had a good time for dinner at tgi fridays at the newark airport just before her flight... since then, i've been unmotivated to work on math, so i worked on printing out my christmas letter -- all 107 copies of it =P... only my printer was not being so agreeable... out of 120 sheets i tried to feed it, 13 came out messed up, but alas, it's done... =P... dave beagley suggested i threaten to turn it into a toaster, but apparently my printer doesn't succumb to threats... threatening to make it a microwave didn't work either...
mostly i think i was so easily irritated w/ the printer and so focused on that for the past several hours because i'm pretty irritated w/ my dad at present too... anyone who's talked to me in remotely recent history knows my famous mantra "oh i love my dad, we just get along better when there's a few states between us"... this is sooo true... i talked to him yesterday just fine and we had a nice chat... same the other times i've called home or vice versa this semester and while i'm away at school in general... tonight i called because i had asked him to have my brother call me last night and ryan never did call back... when i asked dad, "so could you have him call me *tonight*?" he got all annoyed with me as if i was asking the impossible and it was rude of me to ask that two nights in a row... whatever.. eventually ryan called to chat, but with dad periodically audible in the background "you're behind on your chores, why do you have to talk on the phone?"... i hadn't talked to ryan in the better part of two months, and it was super frustrating to end the chat with dad cussing at him in the background, him cussing back where i could hear him, and me pissed in general for having to deal with them... gotta love family...
random that i started w/ brother bear... i have no idea how to start looking at the flip side of the coin on this one though... if i had even a clue, maybe dad and me wouldn't spend so many hours yelling when we're actually in the same place at the same time... it's funny b/c people comment offhand sometimes when i relate dad stories that people fight because they're sooo similar... i hate that comment because for just about as long i can remember, i've been trying *not* to be like dad... i mean he has his qualities i respect, but he's also one of the most hypercritial people i know... pretty sure i've taken that and am super hyper critical towards myself but try (and think i succeed?) not being so much of others... when things don't go the way he wants them, he gets mad, starts yelling, and blames everyone else... when things don't go my way, i get mad, start beating up inanimate objects, and blame myself... dude, i've internalized my dad... that's great
on that note, i'm going to vote that i'm too tired to really be making sense right now and you can take the previous paragraph at whatever level of seriousity or joking you want....
in like 38 hours i'll be in pittsburgh =)
night
Monday, November 24, 2003
multitasker? eh, whatever dude =P
lkp 42 42 42 (11:55:45 PM): margie's supposed to kick me off the computer
lkp 42 42 42 (11:55:54 PM): it's nearly midnight nad i haven't done any homework for tomorrow yet
lkp 42 42 42 (11:55:57 PM): and that's probably bad
lkp 42 42 42 (11:56:07 PM): so you can talk to her =) she says i say "good bye"
alliswan42 (11:56:21 PM): hi Margie
alliswan42 (11:56:25 PM): thanks for watching after La
alliswan42 (11:56:29 PM): bye LA!
lkp 42 42 42 (11:58:24 PM): I finally got her off the computer. It took forever!!!!!!
alliswan42 (11:58:46 PM): LOL La just likes to...um, multitask, shall we say :-)
lkp 42 42 42 (11:59:01 PM): Multitask!?!?!?!
alliswan42 (11:59:11 PM): :-[
lkp 42 42 42 (11:59:32 PM): she's going to read to me
alliswan42 (11:59:41 PM): eww
alliswan42 (11:59:42 PM): Math?
lkp 42 42 42 (11:59:45 PM): doesn't Lei Algebra sound like a good bed time story
alliswan42 (12:00:00 AM): well, actually yet
alliswan42 (12:00:01 AM): yes
lkp 42 42 42 (12:00:05 AM): Yes, that is math
alliswan42 (12:00:06 AM): it would put me to sleep
lkp 42 42 42 (12:00:18 AM): I think it is putting La to sleep
alliswan42 (12:01:07 AM): talk to her about Pizzas with pineapple and chicken and something else she likes on it
lkp 42 42 42 (12:01:31 AM): But she needs to read this chapter for tomorrow
alliswan42 (12:01:57 AM): hmm
alliswan42 (12:02:08 AM): tell her if she's good she can have one of said pizzas
lkp 42 42 42 (12:02:14 AM): okay
lkp 42 42 42 (12:02:20 AM): we can have it for lunch tomorrow
alliswan42 (12:02:37 AM): :-D
lkp 42 42 42 (12:03:14 AM): she claims that she is being good
alliswan42 (12:03:45 AM): she always says that
alliswan42 (12:03:50 AM): you have to know when she's lying
lkp 42 42 42 (12:03:52 AM): well she is thinking hard
alliswan42 (12:04:03 AM): aren't we all
heh... oh, and btw, mystery caller from yesterday turned out to be prof. treanor... we chatted for half an hour tonight, fun times indeed =P...
sleep time!!!
lkp 42 42 42 (11:55:54 PM): it's nearly midnight nad i haven't done any homework for tomorrow yet
lkp 42 42 42 (11:55:57 PM): and that's probably bad
lkp 42 42 42 (11:56:07 PM): so you can talk to her =) she says i say "good bye"
alliswan42 (11:56:21 PM): hi Margie
alliswan42 (11:56:25 PM): thanks for watching after La
alliswan42 (11:56:29 PM): bye LA!
lkp 42 42 42 (11:58:24 PM): I finally got her off the computer. It took forever!!!!!!
alliswan42 (11:58:46 PM): LOL La just likes to...um, multitask, shall we say :-)
lkp 42 42 42 (11:59:01 PM): Multitask!?!?!?!
alliswan42 (11:59:11 PM): :-[
lkp 42 42 42 (11:59:32 PM): she's going to read to me
alliswan42 (11:59:41 PM): eww
alliswan42 (11:59:42 PM): Math?
lkp 42 42 42 (11:59:45 PM): doesn't Lei Algebra sound like a good bed time story
alliswan42 (12:00:00 AM): well, actually yet
alliswan42 (12:00:01 AM): yes
lkp 42 42 42 (12:00:05 AM): Yes, that is math
alliswan42 (12:00:06 AM): it would put me to sleep
lkp 42 42 42 (12:00:18 AM): I think it is putting La to sleep
alliswan42 (12:01:07 AM): talk to her about Pizzas with pineapple and chicken and something else she likes on it
lkp 42 42 42 (12:01:31 AM): But she needs to read this chapter for tomorrow
alliswan42 (12:01:57 AM): hmm
alliswan42 (12:02:08 AM): tell her if she's good she can have one of said pizzas
lkp 42 42 42 (12:02:14 AM): okay
lkp 42 42 42 (12:02:20 AM): we can have it for lunch tomorrow
alliswan42 (12:02:37 AM): :-D
lkp 42 42 42 (12:03:14 AM): she claims that she is being good
alliswan42 (12:03:45 AM): she always says that
alliswan42 (12:03:50 AM): you have to know when she's lying
lkp 42 42 42 (12:03:52 AM): well she is thinking hard
alliswan42 (12:04:03 AM): aren't we all
heh... oh, and btw, mystery caller from yesterday turned out to be prof. treanor... we chatted for half an hour tonight, fun times indeed =P...
sleep time!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2003
new york, new york =)... and other fun
dude, what a day!
so margie flew in late yesterday... we went to the rutgers wind ensemble concert w/ colleen, eric, ben, and sam, and had an excellent time... as always the music was awesome... the percussion section had the coolest instrument i've ever seen too... it was a crazy 5 foot stick full of bells, really crazily arranged that they banged on the floor periodically -- i want to make one of those =) after that we all attacked starbucks for some good old "happiness in a cup" =) and later headed home... i was up til like 3 though half out of excitement for margie being here and half out of caffeine energy... whatever =P
today, margie and i went to NYC... it was a blast: saw statue of liberty, wall street, world trade center site, southern end of central park, ate lunch at the hello deli (of david letterman show fame.... actually talked to rupert gee =P), rockefeller center (saw them working on the big christmas tree there), st. patrick's cathedral, fao schwarz, and times square before heading home again =P later tonight we had dinner w/ trevor, leigh, eric, ben, scott, and sam, and it was hilarious as always... margie's already commented "i love your math people... can i come back and visit again???" =) yay =) a fun day indeed. =)
she's also been going through all the books on my shelf and reminding me which are hilarious that i haven't looked at in forever... 777 mathematical conversation starters for one =P dude... it's just fun to have a "we can sing at the top of our lungs with garth brooks songs on the radio for an hour and have a blast", math joke, known each other for awhile now kind of friend around for a bit. =) yay for margie!!! =)
in other news, amanda (roommate here) apparently woke up to a random phone call for me... all she remembers are the words "valpo", "brother", and that they were in the area and wanted to see me... not a clue who... hopefully they'll catch me tomorrow... that would be durn spiffy whoever it is to have another buddy show up =) three cheers for spiffy people and happy days. the end =)
so margie flew in late yesterday... we went to the rutgers wind ensemble concert w/ colleen, eric, ben, and sam, and had an excellent time... as always the music was awesome... the percussion section had the coolest instrument i've ever seen too... it was a crazy 5 foot stick full of bells, really crazily arranged that they banged on the floor periodically -- i want to make one of those =) after that we all attacked starbucks for some good old "happiness in a cup" =) and later headed home... i was up til like 3 though half out of excitement for margie being here and half out of caffeine energy... whatever =P
today, margie and i went to NYC... it was a blast: saw statue of liberty, wall street, world trade center site, southern end of central park, ate lunch at the hello deli (of david letterman show fame.... actually talked to rupert gee =P), rockefeller center (saw them working on the big christmas tree there), st. patrick's cathedral, fao schwarz, and times square before heading home again =P later tonight we had dinner w/ trevor, leigh, eric, ben, scott, and sam, and it was hilarious as always... margie's already commented "i love your math people... can i come back and visit again???" =) yay =) a fun day indeed. =)
she's also been going through all the books on my shelf and reminding me which are hilarious that i haven't looked at in forever... 777 mathematical conversation starters for one =P dude... it's just fun to have a "we can sing at the top of our lungs with garth brooks songs on the radio for an hour and have a blast", math joke, known each other for awhile now kind of friend around for a bit. =) yay for margie!!! =)
in other news, amanda (roommate here) apparently woke up to a random phone call for me... all she remembers are the words "valpo", "brother", and that they were in the area and wanted to see me... not a clue who... hopefully they'll catch me tomorrow... that would be durn spiffy whoever it is to have another buddy show up =) three cheers for spiffy people and happy days. the end =)
Friday, November 21, 2003
brain drain
dude... so thursday night is no math night which means food and cards. we always play sheepshead and i usually end the night with a negative score, but i think i just set an all time record... -30 in one night! mostly because of bad cards most of the night and a few times on account of obscure rules i didn't have quite straight... bother...
on the other hand, to make up for the worst night of cards ever, it's like the clearest sky ever out there! after all the rain we've had lately -- i think the raritan river (maybe 150(?) feet out behind my apartment building) would literally swallow up my apartment if we got even just some more drizzle in the near future! -- it had to clear up eventually, but tonight is spectacular! i just spent 30 minutes out there with my crummy book of constellations trying to figure them out... besides orion, the pleiades, and cassiopeia, pretty sure i found gemini, auriga, cephus, and canis major -- major party and a half! there's also a huge star near orion (not sure if it's aldebran or sirius??) that flashes blue and orange... eric and me found it with his binoculars a couple of weeks ago and it was really bright tonight too... most excellent all around!
kinda in a weird mood... it's been a long week for many reasons... but margie comes tomorrow to visit! yay for friends =)
top 10 thoughts of the evening (in no significant order whatsoever)
1) dude the stars are cool!... had to be a night like this that God told Abraham his descendents would be as many as the stars in the sky... or even clearer if that's possible... durn spiffy
2) where did my smarts go? i mean, i know i'm not dumb or whatever, but there are times when i really wonder... yeah, whatever, not being a pessimist, not being a pessimist....
3) i miss nicole... still... a lot... that'll be true for like forever... there's not a day since she died 11 weeks ago now that something doesn't make me think of her... and several times a day... today it was a song on the radio on the way to school that was also on the CD she gave all of us roommates for graduation in may... or when i'm a bit bummed/stressed/whatever and want to (or do) complain, i always end up seeing her in the back of my head... with her "listening face", not much to say until i was done yaking, and then "well, la, i still think you're a wonderful person",... yeah, i miss nicole
4) margie's coming! margie's coming! dude, only like 15 hours from now -- how awesome is that?!?!?! yay! =)
5) there is no spoon
6) i miss hugs... valpo was a full of hugs, international church of budapest was full of hugs... math grad school, not so full of hugs... which is fine, that's how it works, and i wouldn't trade the people here for anything, but dude, today i could use a hug
7) "i have run, i have crawled, i have scaled these city walls, but i still haven't found what i'm looking for" ~u2... dude that song's been in my head for a couple days!
8) do i tire other people out even half as much as i tire me out? =P
9) there's a website i like about exploding grapes in your microwave here... i think it's one of the greatest things i've ever read but never tried it... wonder what would happen if i did... well, maybe amanda would want to have my head... that wouldn't be good... but exploding fruit in the microwave? c'mon, that's entertainment, right? (i know, pyro! pyro! pyro!.. whatever =P)
10) i have the best friends ever... i've been a bum this week, and you all are great =) yay for you =)
dude, ok, end of brain dump... time to watch some dumb tv i recorded while i was out tonight and get some sleep... gotta clean in the morning so that margie at least doesn't think i set out to make the place messy before she got here =) good night all =P
on the other hand, to make up for the worst night of cards ever, it's like the clearest sky ever out there! after all the rain we've had lately -- i think the raritan river (maybe 150(?) feet out behind my apartment building) would literally swallow up my apartment if we got even just some more drizzle in the near future! -- it had to clear up eventually, but tonight is spectacular! i just spent 30 minutes out there with my crummy book of constellations trying to figure them out... besides orion, the pleiades, and cassiopeia, pretty sure i found gemini, auriga, cephus, and canis major -- major party and a half! there's also a huge star near orion (not sure if it's aldebran or sirius??) that flashes blue and orange... eric and me found it with his binoculars a couple of weeks ago and it was really bright tonight too... most excellent all around!
kinda in a weird mood... it's been a long week for many reasons... but margie comes tomorrow to visit! yay for friends =)
top 10 thoughts of the evening (in no significant order whatsoever)
1) dude the stars are cool!... had to be a night like this that God told Abraham his descendents would be as many as the stars in the sky... or even clearer if that's possible... durn spiffy
2) where did my smarts go? i mean, i know i'm not dumb or whatever, but there are times when i really wonder... yeah, whatever, not being a pessimist, not being a pessimist....
3) i miss nicole... still... a lot... that'll be true for like forever... there's not a day since she died 11 weeks ago now that something doesn't make me think of her... and several times a day... today it was a song on the radio on the way to school that was also on the CD she gave all of us roommates for graduation in may... or when i'm a bit bummed/stressed/whatever and want to (or do) complain, i always end up seeing her in the back of my head... with her "listening face", not much to say until i was done yaking, and then "well, la, i still think you're a wonderful person",... yeah, i miss nicole
4) margie's coming! margie's coming! dude, only like 15 hours from now -- how awesome is that?!?!?! yay! =)
5) there is no spoon
6) i miss hugs... valpo was a full of hugs, international church of budapest was full of hugs... math grad school, not so full of hugs... which is fine, that's how it works, and i wouldn't trade the people here for anything, but dude, today i could use a hug
7) "i have run, i have crawled, i have scaled these city walls, but i still haven't found what i'm looking for" ~u2... dude that song's been in my head for a couple days!
8) do i tire other people out even half as much as i tire me out? =P
9) there's a website i like about exploding grapes in your microwave here... i think it's one of the greatest things i've ever read but never tried it... wonder what would happen if i did... well, maybe amanda would want to have my head... that wouldn't be good... but exploding fruit in the microwave? c'mon, that's entertainment, right? (i know, pyro! pyro! pyro!.. whatever =P)
10) i have the best friends ever... i've been a bum this week, and you all are great =) yay for you =)
dude, ok, end of brain dump... time to watch some dumb tv i recorded while i was out tonight and get some sleep... gotta clean in the morning so that margie at least doesn't think i set out to make the place messy before she got here =) good night all =P
Thursday, November 20, 2003
i am NOT an interactive learner (today)
dude, one class down, one to go today...
i absolutely hate it when dr. sahi does his new "lecturing should be shared" thing. he came in 3 classes ago and said "i forgot my notes, why don't you all take turns proving the theorems that i wanted to cover today." and handed over the chalk. luckily the guy who went right before me took so long we never got around to me. however, even though sahi's had his notes since, he's kept it up. i've been picked out once so far.
i understand his philosophy. he thinks by actively explaining the stuff to each other, we'll learn it better. but (1) i don't like being singled out (2) we get a lot less done from all the long pauses incurred this way (3) proofs get so convoluted in class when the person proving the theorem doesn't know the stuff beforehand and so my notes turn into a lot of scratching out and scribbles trying to figure it out as we go (4) personally, as long as i'm still in the "class" and not the "lecturer" i guess i'm ok with the system although it just alters the pace of the course completely... but when i'm at the board without being prepared for it, i'm not learning more, i'm flustered and concerned i'm convoluting things just like everyone else does when they're up there... conclusion: yes it's good to make learning more interactive and to explain things to each other instead of being passive listeners... but this is so on the spot that it's not helping, it's making me dread going to the class instead!
on the other hand, spiffy things are going on in that class contentwise... i don't get all the details quite as well as i'd like, but the big picture is pretty clear. it's a lie algebras class and so we've spent forever learning basic properties of lie algebras and special kinds of them... then we've gotten to the point of drawing these matrices and graphs to represent them instead... and pretty soon we'll be to the point of saying every single semisimple lie algebra that exists is represented by one of the diagrams/matrices in chapter 11 of our book, and every single one of those diagrams does actually correspond to some semisimple lie algebra -- a complete characterization. that's absolutely beautiful. *this* is why i study math... not for the headaches and frustration analysis gives me -- for the order behind it all and for the awesomeness of building big beautiful truths out of smaller ones. dude, if only i understood what was going on in *all* of my classes like that, then this semester would be just a bit less stressful =P
ok, so pretty sure i have homework to write up and that's definitely not what i'm doing at present. but rest assured... i'll be back =P
i absolutely hate it when dr. sahi does his new "lecturing should be shared" thing. he came in 3 classes ago and said "i forgot my notes, why don't you all take turns proving the theorems that i wanted to cover today." and handed over the chalk. luckily the guy who went right before me took so long we never got around to me. however, even though sahi's had his notes since, he's kept it up. i've been picked out once so far.
i understand his philosophy. he thinks by actively explaining the stuff to each other, we'll learn it better. but (1) i don't like being singled out (2) we get a lot less done from all the long pauses incurred this way (3) proofs get so convoluted in class when the person proving the theorem doesn't know the stuff beforehand and so my notes turn into a lot of scratching out and scribbles trying to figure it out as we go (4) personally, as long as i'm still in the "class" and not the "lecturer" i guess i'm ok with the system although it just alters the pace of the course completely... but when i'm at the board without being prepared for it, i'm not learning more, i'm flustered and concerned i'm convoluting things just like everyone else does when they're up there... conclusion: yes it's good to make learning more interactive and to explain things to each other instead of being passive listeners... but this is so on the spot that it's not helping, it's making me dread going to the class instead!
on the other hand, spiffy things are going on in that class contentwise... i don't get all the details quite as well as i'd like, but the big picture is pretty clear. it's a lie algebras class and so we've spent forever learning basic properties of lie algebras and special kinds of them... then we've gotten to the point of drawing these matrices and graphs to represent them instead... and pretty soon we'll be to the point of saying every single semisimple lie algebra that exists is represented by one of the diagrams/matrices in chapter 11 of our book, and every single one of those diagrams does actually correspond to some semisimple lie algebra -- a complete characterization. that's absolutely beautiful. *this* is why i study math... not for the headaches and frustration analysis gives me -- for the order behind it all and for the awesomeness of building big beautiful truths out of smaller ones. dude, if only i understood what was going on in *all* of my classes like that, then this semester would be just a bit less stressful =P
ok, so pretty sure i have homework to write up and that's definitely not what i'm doing at present. but rest assured... i'll be back =P
on doubt
quote of the AM "do not give heed to your doubts for a moment. turn from them with horror, as you would from blasphemy, for they ARE blasphemy. they are not YOUR doubts until you consent to them and adopt them as true." (hannah whitall smith)
...if only it were that simple...
...if only it were that simple...
ta da! =P
greetings one and greetings all... i finally broke down and did it... here's my first blog ever... a few random but spiffy friends inspired me and somehow convinced me that this was a good idea -- i still think it could be trouble =P... either way, it's here at last... stay tuned for more fun =P
