remember the name

so there's that fort minor song around lately that i can't get out of my head. you've at least had it in the background if you watch TV at all lately:

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!

it's the phrase "reason to remember the name" that doesn't get out of my head... and i've been thinking about it a bit. the song is catchy, and i like it, but it says to me, "you've gotta be the best out there and let people KNOW you're the best out there. MAKE THEM REMEMBER." that gets to me.

don't get me wrong. i'm all about working hard at what you do and doing your best and not slacking off on it. i make goals and i go after them, and i get them. i've done a LOT i'm thankful to have had the chance to do in the past 25 years, and i'm proud of many of the things i've done. but it's that last "MAKE THEM REMEMBER" part i feel like is implicit that gets to me.

"remember the name" comes back to me in other non-song-lyric ways too.

* i just got the "TA teaching excellence award" from the math department for spring semester. when i was reading over my student reviews, it wasn't just "oh lara is the best ever" (although there was some of that too). there was also a lot of "lara actually learned all of our names and remembered them. she KNEW WHO WE WERE, and it was great to be not just another number in class." in the mix too.

* on the same point, i remember a few times last semester where i called a student by name during class and complimented them on getting a hard question right, and they seriously looked stunned and were way excited, blurting out in class "she KNOWS MY NAME!"

* on the flip side, when our old pastor at my NJ church left, we got an interim pastor. the thing i most noted was different was that he didn't greet me by name on the way out of church and never once asked our names during the year he was with us. i missed that. now that we have a new pastor (since january), i know he has a lot of people to get down quickly, but the fact that he knew me by name and what i did by mid-march, made me happy. it really makes me feel good when he comments on my travel pictures or asks about school or calls me by name. it's not a matter of being big in other people's eyes, it's just a matter of being not just another number in the crowd...

* i HATE going to get my car worked on. i never found a place i liked to go in all my years in memphis, or in college, but here in jersey it's not a problem. at the goodyear i go to, they don't talk down to me. (for as many junkers as i've driven, i know quite a bit more of cars than you might expect. i don't claim to be an expert, but i'm sensitive to feeling like people are talking to me like i'm stupid.) the guys who work the front desk don't all know me, but while i'm sitting around the lobby getting the car worked on, the garage manager recognizes my car when it comes in and generally stops by with a "hey lara, how's it going? what's new in the math world?" for a bit. i like that they care enough about my business to remember me.

* yesterday, i was out and about on my nearly-daily 5 mile walk. every day i pass the place where i got my hair cut for the first time a week or two ago. last night as i went past, the girl who cut my hair was straightening signs in the front window, saw me, waved and hollered "hey lara!" out the door. she did a good job to start when she did my hair, but the added bit of her remembering and taking the time to be nice makes me WANT to remember them and give them my business.

* also on my walk yesterday, when i got about as far away from my house as i go, there was an older couple (late 60s / early 70s?) sitting on their front porch. i pass them and several other same houses almost every day, but generally people mind their own business and don't say a word, which is fine. last night though, as i passed this one couple, she hollered something at me, so i took off my headphones and stopped,
me: "sorry?"
lady: "you pass by here a lot, don't you?"
me: "most days, yes ma'am"
lady: "well, by now we recognize you, what brings you out this way so much?"
me: "i try to walk 5 miles every day it's not raining. this is about as far out from my house as i get."
man: "5 miles! wowee! (whistles)"
lady: "well, we see you so often we feel like we know you,. from now, on, at least wave at us, and we'll wave back. it'll be nice."
me: "ok, will do! see you tomorrow."
it made me smile. not that we're hard and fast friends or anything now, but they took the time to say hi, because i've become a regular part of their day, even if it's seeing me cross their front yard for about 30 seconds, and they took the time to say something friendly instead of just sit there like most people do.

in all these stories, the common theme i've come up with is this: it's not by advertising yourself and showing off that you get remembered. doing your best and working hard at what you do counts for something and helps you be remembered, but the thing that really does the trick is taking the time to remember others and show them that you care about who THEY ARE. it's not by trumpeting yourself that you get places. it's by quietly doing your best and taking the time to genuinely worry about the many not-mes in your life.

i just think it's kinda cool that to really be remembered, it helps to first take the time to remember others.

the end.