snow, snow, snow,... and then some MORE snow!

dude! so we have our first snowfall of the year here in NJ -- party indeed!

and like check out the current weather channel radar for the area:





it's gonna still be going for forever yet, and that's AWESOME! we've probably gotten 3 to 4 (maybe a hair more) inches today so far (it's been snowing non-stop since before i woke up at 11:30!) and they say another 2 to 4 tonight, 4 to 7 tomorrow, and another inch tomorrow night after that -- absolutely insane, but snow has to be my absolute favorite weather of all time! =)

i woke up today in time to shovel out my car and get to campus for pizza seminar.... was going to turn in my complex final to the prof. in his office but caught him just as he was leaving the building (any later and i woulda had to mail the durn thing to him... blah, so i cut it close!)

after that, scott wanted to go to his bank and i needed to go to mine -- this should be a 30 minute round trip on a normal day, but it took us a full 2 hours plus some to get there and back in the crazy weather and crazier traffic... after that, i caught up with eric for a quick dinner on campus and to go to an orchestra concert he wanted to go to, neither of us considering it would be cancelled in the snow, which of course it was... so that was another 45 minutes in the car, stopped by starbucks on the way home and sat for maybe half an hour, and finished our 40 minute drive back to campus... finally home (after another half an hour drive that normally takes 10 minutes!) and here i stay til tomorrow. =P

yay for snow anyhow =P

tomorrow going to see 42nd street on 42nd street in manhattan =P... should be fun =) in the meantime, i've absolutely tired myself out this week -- going to watch whatever my roommate has on the TV with her and finish writing my other 56 out of 100+ christmas cards until i fall asleep... sounds like fun, eh? =P

later

the vigil ends here

indeed. that less than 20 hours of sleep in the last dude, like 138 hours ends now. complex is done to the extent it's going to get done (23 sheets of paper front and back... dude....) and i'm exhausted.

now all that stands between me and finals is 60 some lie algebras problems, but they don't have a set due date yet, so i have time to put them off til tomorrow =P

yay and good night!

p.s. to anyone who's dealt with me at all this week, thanks a million for your patience =) you're all super cool!

christmas carol craziness

i'm losing my mind. i've slept 19.5 hours of the last like 131. tonight i'm guessing i'll be up til 4ish again because complex is due tomorrow. the only thing that's keeping me going is the occasional giant size cup of caffeine i'm giving myself like every 6 hours... venti white chocolate peppermint mocha at 5ish means i'm due for some hot cider again soon.

i think i'm driving the people crazy too. i feel like my life is out of control this semester, and now that it's all sped up for finals and stuff i've gone a little out of control too. this is a different topic for either later or when i'm more awake. on a lighter note, hark the title for this entry... i just got back from dinner with the people and since i had left my complex homework/final at home, i wrote messed up christmas carols about the people while they cooked and/or worked around me (i helped a little with the cooking too, so i wasn't a *total* gimp). here are the ones i wrote as best as i can remember... enjoy =P

joy to the world, colleen's so cool
don't think so? you're a fool!
she's oh so smart, and oh so fun!
i'm glad that she's my friend
i'm glad that she's my friend
i'm glad, i'm glad that she's my friend

jingle bells, jingle bells
leigh is super cool
she sings christmas songs with me
and drinks starbucks round the yule
jingle bells, jingle bells
leigh's my friend, it's true
she's super smart and super nice
hanging with her's a blast too

hark the herald pizzas sing
scott's got a cell phone that rings
his soul is black but turning blue
he's learning trivia 'bout italian food
homework, he can do a lot
but about computers he knows naught
hark the herald pizzas sing
scott's got a cell phone that rings

...and the all time best one (for now)...

eric the red-nosed grad student
had a very shiny coat
and if you ever saw it
you would even say it glows
all of the other grad students
wanted some of eric's brains
they never let poor eric
skip out of any homework games
then one windy Jersey eve
Sussmann came to say
"eric with your brain so big,
here's an A for you, and a fig"
then how the professors loved him
and they shouted out with glee,
"eric the red-nosed grad student,
you'll soon be a Ph.D.!"

dude... as you laugh away, you can just see my brain cells rotting away from lack of sleep... complex time. later.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

piscataway, NJ forecast as per www.weather.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fri Dec 05 -- Snow -- 37°F/27°C -- 70 % precipitation

Sat Dec 06 -- Snow / Wind -- 35°F/21°C -- 60 % precipitation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

snow???, potentially 2 days in a row??? i know no one who gets excited about such things at all =)... do you? =P

an ode to hot drinks

it's amazing how much power a nice mug of hot drink has.

be it mocha, espresso, plain black coffee, cappuccino, cocoa, cider, tea, you name it.

(1) hot drinks are wonderfully yummy cups of happiness... i've never met a hot drink i didn't like, or that i couldn't modify with milk and/or sugar so that i did.

(2) hot drinks are generally so full of sugar and/or caffeine they give you the energy you're lacking just when you need it, and that's great, but even better...

(3) hot drinks are a source of security.
i've slept 15 hours of the past 96 (less than 4 hours per night for the last 4 nights), and the next two nights aren't looking much better. i have so much homework to do before the semester ends that i don't know if it's humanly possible to finish it all if i were able to go without sleep and not be running on caffeine for the week, and my semester ends with a final for a class that i'm pretty sure i have one of the lowest 2 or 3 grades in for the term to date, and it's all a bit overwhelming, but i find it absolutely amazing that i can get home exhausted, having been in class and/or doing homework pretty much for the last 14 hours straight, ready to collapse, but 10 minutes later with a large fresh mug full of hot honey vanilla apple cider, it's all ok, and i'm good to go again.

ah, the power of hot drinks

the end. =)

duuuuuuuuuuuude...

15 = cumulative hours of sleep since saturday
24 = number of math problems i've solved between saturday and now (7 complex analysis, 5 real analysis, and 9 algebra)
15 = number of math problems i need to solve in the next 48 hours (10 complex analysis, and 5 algebra)

and yeah....
this about sums it up:
lkp 42 42 42: i'm going to spontaneously explode and you're not
davrbeagle: but you solved that analysis problem
lkp 42 42 42: and then found out i didn't and then resolved it
davrbeagle: well, that's good
lkp 42 42 42: indeed
davrbeagle: so why are you going to spontaneously excplode?
lkp 42 42 42: because i have slept a total of 15 hours since saturday
davrbeagle: oh
davrbeagle: that'd do it
lkp 42 42 42: and i have more work to do in the next two days than i've accomplished since saturday mostly working nonstop
davrbeagle: that sounds like lots of fun
lkp 42 42 42: and that's not counting the class i'm 62 problems behind on
lkp 42 42 42: so after friday i still have a ton of junk to do
davrbeagle: sounds like you'll at least be kept out of trouble
lkp 42 42 42: i'm never in trouble
davrbeagle: because you never get caught
lkp 42 42 42: but this makes me more prone to caffeine drinking spurts
lkp 42 42 42: which makes me crazy and in trouble
davrbeagle: ah, true
lkp 42 42 42: 2nd worst caffeine high of the year was night before last
lkp 42 42 42: the people laughed a lot
davrbeagle: at least you still bring amusement wherever you go
lkp 42 42 42: i know but that's not always good
davrbeagle: why not?
lkp 42 42 42: because sometimes that means i'm bringing amusement becauise i'm not in control of myself (i.e. high on caffeine)
lkp 42 42 42: and that's not good
davrbeagle: oh, ok. I can see how that would be bad
lkp 42 42 42: after a caffeine high i remember the previous day only vaguely and have a horrible headache the next day
lkp 42 42 42: it's kinda like some people on a hangover after drinking alcohol
lkp 42 42 42: i have a caffeine blackout after enough caffeine
davrbeagle: wow
lkp 42 42 42: yeah
davrbeagle: and you keep having that much of it?
lkp 42 42 42: the people laugh and wonder why it affects me so drastically
lkp 42 42 42: well, i did one of these in septemer and one this week
lkp 42 42 42: i just get a starbucks or something... am still working later and like a 20oz coke sounds good
lkp 42 42 42: then maybe get something else even later
lkp 42 42 42: and all the sudden out of nowhere i'm typing like 160 word per minute and bouncing so that i can't sit still enough to work and telling everyone else they look lethargic
lkp 42 42 42: and just completely off the wall
lkp 42 42 42: you can pinpoint the 5 minute time period where it kicks in
lkp 42 42 42: and i just accelerate from there for awhile until i crash and feel like crap in the AM

kinda makes you wish you were me, eh? i'm fired. =P

...and then they unrejoiced, and then perhaps moderately cheered up and went to sleep

yeah... victory party of the last entry was relatively short-lived. after i had explained my solution to several people who all said they were convinced, john and sam found a hole in it, even after they had been convinced awhile...

after much more doodling, i came up with attempt 2, but who knows... sam approves for now, with the coda, "even if there was a subtle mistake, i don't think he'd catch it. that's about what i'm thinking with my work." so there it goes.

it's amazing how excited i got over solving that like 1/4 a problem... or at least thinking i did... figuring out something after forever of working on it gives a real sense of accomplishment, and really math is beautiful... i guess that's another reason i get so distressed over analysis... it's honestly been like since september since i had a revelation for that class and finished a problem on my own, without help or hints, that required some thought behind it. other classes are better for that for me, but dude, what a semester it's been... i know there's plenty that's happened in the last few months besides math stuff to make my life just a bit crazy, but still... ok, me and my current take on what i'm doing with my life is a novel and a half, and not one to be written at 3am. we'll save that for another day =P

good night!

and then the people rejoiced!!!!

.... rejoiced indeed because maybe lara's not quite as dumb as she's been convinced she is lately... =P

background: analysis is my worst class... i just have a harder time seeing solutions in there than in other classes... no one else in the class, including the people who generally do quite brilliantly on it, had figured out the last problem on tomorrow's homework, until... just now:

me: hey sam, did you ever get 1 < a < 2 for the last analysis problem?
me: i have an idea, and i've convinced leigh, but we want to run it by at least one more person before we write it up
sam: no, i never got it.
sam: what's up?
me: look here: (insert random link) and tell me what you think
me: i figured scanning scratch paper is easier than typing integrals and stuff in IM =P
sam: definitely
sam: john and i think this works!
me: awesome!
me: i did part of an analysis problem!
me: (personal victory of the semester =) )
sam: very nice
me: ok, so we have it
me: now to write that problem up and then back to algebra and complex... joy
me: thanks for looking that over
me: ttyl
sam: bye

do freakin dah

back to work

snow flurries for the people, and math homework for me

it's SNOW FLURRYING outside!!!! not a ton... just like the occasional bunch of styrafoam-like pieces floating through the air on occasion, but nonetheless... yay!

how am i today? way excited about the snow, but 2 words: caffeine hangover... it's a shame that when caffeine has the drastic effect on someone like it does on me (see last night's post =P), it doesn't last... it just leaves you the next morning a complete grump with a major headache and lots of people remembering dumb things you said and did that you're a little vague on... oops

but hey, it's SNOWing! that counts for something =)

song of the moment

Dorothy moves to click her ruby shoes
Right in tune with dark side of the moon
Someone, someone could tell me
Where I belong
Be calm, be brave, it'll be okay

No more messing around and living underground
And new year's resolutions
By this time next year I won't be here
I turn on MTV, the volume's down
Lips move, they say
It'll be okay

To tell you the truth, I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
One last time these words from me
I'm never saying them again
and I shut the light
and listen as my watch unwinds

Voices calling from a yellow road
To come downstairs and say hello
Don't be shy, just say hello

To tell you the truth, I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
I know I've been half-asleep
I'm never doing that again

I look straight at what's coming ahead
and soon its going to change in a new direction
Every night as I'm falling asleep
These words repeated in my head...

(~guster)

caffeine is a drug, and i'm living proof

thought #1
(23:19:22) me: can you tell i'm on another notorious caffenie high
(23:19:27) steve klee: hey i am too!
(23:19:34) me: venti mocha, 20 oz vanilla coke and large hot cocoa in the last 3 hours
(23:19:35) steve: i just had a pot of coffee
(23:19:36) me: woah!
(23:19:55) me: you're the coolest ever steve klee!
(23:20:07) steve: i do what i can :-)

thought #2
i just saw a falling star for the first time E-VER!

thought #3
too much caffeine in my system -- too much to sit still and concentrate on my massive to do list, too much to sleep either... this can't be good

in conclusion:
me: dude
scott: dude indeed

a little twisted

contemporary social problem of the day: creepy old men who like to whistle

this doesn't sound like your typical contemporary social problem, but in fact it is. at least 3 times today i've encountered creepy looking older men whistling christmas tunes quite loudly, be it crossing paths in a campus parking lot, sitting at the next table over in starbucks, or well i guess being on campus and in starbucks sums up my day so far, so pretty sure #3 must also have been on campus.

all 3 answer to the decription of late 50s/early 60s, greasy, with long gray hair... none of them were whistling in tune, and all of them were whistling christmas songs... mostly sheer coincidence, but kinda strange all the same... i guess creepy would be if it was the same greasy old not-whistling-in-tune man every time =P

blah

back to math

3 points for the people

dude, two classes down today, one to go...

prof #1: "so, i don't think i'll finish all the stuff i want to cover this semester in the two class periods i have left. let's have an extra class wednesday at 4:30, ok?"

prof #2: "so there are two options... we can have a final, or we can not have a final... which do you prefer?.... ok, majority seems to be voting for no final, so i guess that's that. less grading for me!" =)

guess who i like better today.

death by math homework... that's a new one

joy -- 8 days left of class, and somehow all my work seems to have avalanched on me... the numbers on the countdown in the margin are going down, but slowly... accomplishments of the day? 1 analysis problem, 4.5 algebra problems, and 23 christmas cards written. man... sad thing is i did the 23 christmas cards in just a small fraction of the time everything else took... patience... that's the word of the week... i don't think i'm gonna have much left in a few days, but i'll try =P

the quote of the week: "i'd rather die of exhaustion than boredom"... true indeed... but it would be nice if the exhaustion was a little more self directed than insanely long homework assignments... maaaan...

ok, no more complaining... sleep time.. stay tuned to watch and see me spontaneously explode and/or go crazy by friday! =P

round and round....

song of the day:

Round and round and round and round
Round and round and round and round

History sits and she tells her stories
Bitter and twisted without power
Sitting watching feeding her jealous mouth
The future looks back to learn her lessons
Memories fade while experience beckons
I'm caught in the middle which way should I go

This generation is full of religion
Fed up with a diet of nothing
Give me the real thing flowing through my veins
This is the day, this is the hour
Show me the truth cause I want to be blinded
I wanna run, which way should I go

Gravity's pulling me, but heaven is calling me and
My head's spinning the world's twisted
My head's twisted the world's spinning
My head's spinning the world's twisted
My head's twisted the world's spinning round,
around

~deliriou5?

control-freak(ing)-out-ness

i like feeling i'm in control of at least a small part of my life. even that's not an easy thing to do. i can't make my dad get along w/ me and vice versa. i can't make g-ma better. i can't do lots. i think that's why i like driving. i'm in charge of the car, the music, the scenery, the route, and it's a break from reality. it's a good thing.

i'm not in control of my classes... i've been loosely following but having some issues with some details in lie algebras for awhile... i'm about 4 chapters behind on the homework problems too... expecting he'll want them last day of class... this is bad.

i'm not in control of complex analysis... mostly because the "midterm" we have due next week is the first long involved assignment he's given in like a month and a half, and took forever to get original stuff back to us... b/c of that, i didn't put as much time into studying it, and now i feel behind in there too... oops... this is bad.

i'm not in control of real analysis... my homeworks are crummy, my midterm was crummy... i'm just hoping i pass... i've been trying, he's told me he sees very good improvement over the semester, but is still concerned about my level of understanding... my mind just has a hard time thinking like an analyst, so sue me.

algebra,... algebra is my friend. at least that much is true... and hopefully next semester graph theory will still be my best friend of a class like it was in undergrad.

mostly now that i'm sitting still and looking ahead to the last week and a half of classes, i have no idea how i'm going to pull it all off... blah.

so you know what i can be in control of? christmas cards... 5 down, 95 to go. this is something i can do and be done with by monday and be proud of. =) shouldbe doing homework, but um... yeah... just for me, i need to feel like i'm working on something i'm not already starting 4200 miles behind on. math time resumes tomorrow.

night.

family fun time

back in jersey after a relatively eventful few days in pittsburgh.

wednesday was long, but uneventful. i woke up at 4am, left my apartment a little before 5am, drove eric to the newark airport and took of straight from there for pittsburgh, got in around 11:30am... easy drive and beautiful weather. i stayed with mom's younger sister priscilla and her family for the weekend, in addition to my uncle and two cousins, they have 6 parrots, 2 dogs, a cat, a fish, and a rabbit... i was roommates with the rabbit for the week... he runs races around his cage around 5am every day and is good at trying to escape =P

thursday was obviously thanksgiving... my mom and brother drove up from TN on wednesday, and my cousin heather (not one of aunt priscilla's kids) came over for a bit to visit too (she lives in pittsburgh too)... we all had thanksgiving dinner at roy (my step-grandpa)'s apartment, and then went to visit w/ g-ma in the nursing home... i always tell myself she's a little slower each time b/c she's tired or something, but her memory is definitely gradually declining and that's weird and hard... she's still her, still knows us, still has a good sense of humor and is interested in what we're up to, but she's ready to "go home", is bored, is depressed, is frustrated, and is slipping that it's harder and harder to have a real conversation with her that involves more than yes/no, lots of waiting, and short half sentence answers.

the main reason mom and my brother were up is that my step g-pa has been worried that someone should sort through g-ma's stuff in storage since she'll never be in shape to go down and sort through it, so most of the weekend was spent doing that... it's kinda weird b/c this is the kind of thing you'd think you'd be doing after she's gone, but mom, ryan, and i worked for quite some time... she had like 40 filing boxes full of stuff somewhat sorted that goes back for generations before her... i enjoyed reading christmas letters from my great grandparents over the span of 30-40 years... looking through old pictures and stuff that belonged to my uncle jonathan (mom's little brother, died of cancer at age 6) and reading my grandparents' and great-grandparents' baby books. we found my great-grandpa's diploma from when he graduated from seminary in 1922 with copies in latin and in german too! i took most of the old books to distribute to people i thought would appreciate and mom and ryan took a lot of the general misc. since he's working on genealogy research... it was interesting but a lot of work!

yesterday was g-ma's 75th birthday, even though she insisted she was turning 88 and felt like 100. we read her baby book to her and poems she had written in high school and her high school yearbook (one of her nicknames was "math whiz" -- apparently i come by it a little more honestly than i thought =P).

it was a good time... just strange w/ g-ma... like to illustrate her mind going, she insisted i take her for a stroll in her wheelchair on thursday afternoon, which is fine and normal, but insisted we were going "to the door". so she had me push her down the hallway. when we got to the glass door with a nice view i though she was talking about she told me to keep going down the hall and gave me definite directions at each turn until she finally led us to a dead end in the hallway, farther into the building than i've ever been before that just faced a plan solid window-less fire escape door... i told her there was nothing to see and i was going to take her back to her section of the building or at least that direction, she looked confused, and muttered something about tissues and looked distressed when i got her back near the rest of the family.

apparently friday, while mom ryan and i were going through storage and aunt pris was decorating g-ma's room for christmas, g-ma kept asking where ryan and priscilla were instead of kris (mom) and ryan... and priscilla kept telling her that *she* was priscilla and ryan and kris would be back later... when priscilla told her bye and that she was off to find me for lunch, g-ma said "oh, look for lara at the door at the end of the hall".

aunt pris also says that a few times (she comes to visit g-ma every sunday since she lives in town) g-ma's also gotten really upset when she's brought her back to her room and insisted the nurses moved all her stuff and that her room isn't hers... the nurses come by and tell her she's joking and should be nice, but g-ma has really gotten upset some of the time...

when she first had her strokes i was really upset and not dealing well with it... now that i've come more to terms with where she is, it's hard but i've somewhat adjusted to where she's at now... it's just hard to see her go downhill so noticeably in just 3 months, that yeah... end of thought... it's getting dark and i have tons of stuff i inherited from storage to get out of my car and up to my room.

later people!

you never know just...

song in my head for the past 2 days:

Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his leg in Dallas
He was dancing with a train
They were all in love with dyin'
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain

Some will die in hot pursuit
In fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
while sifting thru my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
and drink it from a fountain
that is pouring like an avalanche
coming down the mountain

I don't mind the sun sometimes
the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
Cinammon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
through other peoples eyes

my insanity quotient =P

from Mind Media Brain Persuasion Test

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 30%
Visual : 69%
Left : 47%
Right : 52%

l, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.

You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.

You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.

With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.

Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.

errrrrrrrgh

pet peave: people who park so close to the driver's side of your car, you can't even open the door wide enough to throw your purse in.... not a good start to the day when i'm already running late for class and have to climb in through the passenger's side to get in my car!

money just spent on christmas stamps: $42.60 (how did i get to know so many people???)... see if you can tell how many US stamps i bought ($0.37), and how many international stamps ($0.80)... first one w/ the right answer wins 2 points =P