thoughts

random hodgepodge of things in my mind lately --

* too much work... some days math makes me cry... although i think i've decided that's a manifestation of lots of other stuff going on below the service too

* quote from me talking to eric last night (i didn't even expect this one to come out): "you know, i really miss nicole... and not even just that... like a year ago, i could still bring up her voice clearly in my head at the drop of a pin... that's starting to fade and it really scares me"

eric's response? "that's a good reason to be upset... like my grandfather used to take me and my brother out to do fun things and then got alzheimers and so my more recent memories of him were of him being sick and i so wanted the fun memories instead... but you know what i think? maybe you can't draw it up on command, but the important memories are still in there somewhere... maybe you can't just think 'hmmmm, nicole', and hear what you want in your head anymore, but maybe a smell, or a picture, or something you don't expect will still trigger it... you're not losing your memories of her, it's just changing how you have to get to them"

very good point -- it just still gets to me, and holidays seem to trigger things all over again.

(p.s. tonight's the worldwide candlelighting night for children who have died (see here... if you read this by 7pm your time zone, don't forget to light a candle)

* on a less crying note, i miss pastor j, but for not even having a permanent temporary pastor (we get one in january), we've had some cool subs... this morning's preacher was a very pleansant grandfatherly old man... quotes from the service?

we start off each service with people having the opportunity to get up and make announcements... when the line quickly grew to a dozen people, the pastor got in the end of the line, and his announcement was "thank you for your attention -- this checkout lane is now closed!"

then, to start off the service, he commented "i'm a stranger here, but i can make a few guarantees: (1) the service will begin,.,.. well, it already has... (2) everyone is welcome here -- this is God's family, and there are no strangers in God's family (3) the service will end... i promise, it really will, and (4) i'll make some goofs inbetween since i'm new around here, but please forgive me in advance, and we'll see how this goes"

he ended the service with "christ came into the world so that you could be made free, and share that freedom with others -- you are now free to leave"

his sermon was quality too... it's just interesting during this transition time to meet so many different pastors with so many different styles... i must say this: from oldest to youngest, pastors in the new jersey district have spunk :-)

end of current brain drain... back to homework for me