are you a pizza?

it may have occured to you to wonder how any man in his senses thinks we're going to defeat a powerful conspiracy by sitting here growing winter vegetables and training performing bears.

indeed. ... and no i'm not nuts... random quote from that hideous strength which i'm about halfway done reading.... quality book. =P

been online for 4 hours now at war with the rutgers servers and doing other stuff... got back 3 rolls of film today and wanted to scan and post photos and i'm finally nearly done uploading (i hope)... finally decided to use eden (general rutgers server) for extra storage space, and the firewalls and policies for using that from off campus are insanely retarded... oh well.

photo of the day:

$$$

life = $$$... maaaan....

went out this morning to spend errands expecting to spend $28.68 plus tax and tips total... $12 on a much needed haircut and $16.68 with the coupon i had for an oil change, but not so much.... instead, ended up paying $14 for the haircut, and $655+ on the car (needed new front brake pads)... better safe than sorry but i hate having to spend that much when i'm already trying to pay off all kinds of other crazy stuff... who knows.

had lunch with mom... big news next week, but can't ramble about it until it's officially public news lest someone random come across here who shouldn't read about that i know is up... look for high pudwell drama here in another week and a half though -- life is going to get mighty entertaining soon.

otherwise reading lots... that hideous strength is a mighty quality book... read nearly 100 pages while waiting on my car this afternoon.... read it before but it's even better this time through.... gonna work on that like crazy tonight -- lord knows i sure can't afford to be spendin more money for a bit.

and yep folks, it's back -- i've got me a drawl. =P... sat down to talk to tracy phelps (in my class K-8... her dad's the janitor at the school where mom's principal... hadn't seen her in a good 4 years or so) and it got so thick you could cut it with a knife... i don't conscientiously do it, but i start talkin to people with a drawl and i pick one up for a bit again... try real hard to duplicate it when i've been out of tha area a bit and i cain't no matter how hard i try... but leave me here for a bit and i pick it up again in no time!

well, i'm off readin again... a good afternoon to all y'all.

az ocsem

add some accents and the title gives you "my little brother" in hungarian (surprise surprise)... go figure =P

movie of the day? runaway jury... wanted to see it in NJ this fall but never convinced anyone else they wanted to see it too... nice thing about being in memphis for a bit is one of the two theaters within 5 minutes of my house is a "$2 theater" meaning all tickets are $2/person no matter what time you go and they show all the movies that are done in all the other theaters... fun times.

so brother and i saw runaway jury tonight... i figured i had read the book for a class last spring and i like john cusack's movies usually so it should be fun... on a very general level the movie followed the book but for many many details not so much... nonetheless it was a quality film, and woulda been worth standard movie ticket prices had i seen it a few months ago too.

ran into bill maclin on the way out -- he used to go to our memphis church and hadn't seen him in years (he's like my parents age). small world i guess. =P

then, brother and me went on a sonic run (three cheers for drive in restaurants and cherry limeades indeed!) and listening to my new elvis CD jessica gave me yesterday.... brother and me belted along the whole way... to "how do you know all these so good?" his response was "well, it's not so hard when you wake up every sunday to george klein's elvis hour" dude.... my brother is a nut.

the end.

mona lisa smile

so back home... i'm going to sell my dad... he's trying to be funny right now, but although he gets mad when we yak while he's trying to do stuff, he doesn't return the favor when we ask him to wait a minute.

so it was a good evening... saw jessica two weeks ago in philly, and now again tonight... after catching sandwiches for dinner and trading presents, we went to see the movie mona lisa smile... last time we visited i complained how she has a country station in philly and i can't pick up any NYC/NJ ones, and i was also debating about getting a billy joel double CD or an elvis double CD... so for a christmas present she mixed me up a country hits CD and an elvis CD... durn spiffy of her. =) she did quite well.

enjoyed the movie, although it was different from how i expected... basic plot is that julia roberts is a new professor at an all girls school in the 1950s... she's single, unmarried, and working on her art history dissertation and wants to see her students be so passionate about their fields that they'll go further in their education/potential careers after college as well... however, brilliant and studious as they are, most of them have the single goal in life of getting married and being housewives. it was all setting up for it to be a dichotomy of julia vs. the students and her converting them, but two scenes i didn't expect complicated things... in one of them, julia ran into a student she'd been encouraging to go to law school and was discussing future plans with her, when the student tells her "you don't understand... i just eloped this weekend -- i'm married!" "but what about yale? what about law school? you can do both, you don't have to choose!" "you're the one who told me i could be anything i wanted. but you see being a housewife as giving up on your dreams. that doesn't have to be it at all. this is what i've always wanted. and it's what i'm going to be.".... later in the movie another professor told her "you think you came here to teach them all a different way to do things... you came here to teach them all your way of doing things". in the end, she left, a role model for all the students regardless of what they ended up doing, and going to learn more on her own... but it was interesting how the movie was publicized as julia roberts's character enlightening all these students, when they really showed her some faults in her own "liberalized" view of things... parts were slow, but it was still a quality film. interesting for me, because the julia roberts character is halfway like me (definitely not completely)... a woman in academia, but in contact with a plethora of people not and trying to figure out how the two very different world views from these two life experiences can coincide/work together to understand each other... dude, i'm tired... no idea if it made sense or not... mom wants to see the movie too, so i'll probably end up seeing it again while i'm in town, and can think through it all again.

after the movie, jess and i went to get coffee and dessert and just chat a little... i really enjoy the fact that jess is a memphis friend i've known for forever but is accessible in NJ too... she's not in direct daily contact w/ me in NJ, but she's visited and knows the people there and my situation, and me similarly with her setup in philly... so we can visit in memphis, have fun in our HS hometown together and chat about our respective grad schools knowing full well what the other one is talking about, or we can hang out up northeast and get a taste of home again, enjoy our country music, chat about memphis, and have fun that way too... it's the first time i've had a friend that is part of two different places i live at at the same time, which is kinda nice... in memphis, she's an escape from family/memphis life to chat about NJ... in NJ she's a break from stresses there to chat about memphis... and many other things too, but it's kinda fun that way. =)

random observation of the day. when i go get coffee or snacks at a restaurant down south with another friend, the waiter always pays for our coffee/sodas/whatever. when i do that up north, no, whether it's midwest or northeast. go figure. the end. go memphis and yay for free coffee. =)

and let the yelling begin

dude, few things are better, more relaxing uses of a saturday afternoon than rolling up your sleeves, getting out a hose, a bucket, and a sponge, and handwashing your car. it's all the better when you happen to be in a warm enough place that can even do this in shorts on the last weekend in december! i've missed being able to do that in NJ since i live in an apartment instead of a house, but since i'm visiting here in memphis, i have the front driveway to do that as much as i please. just spent over an hour out there even scrubbing down the wheels pretty good... not perfect, but the best they've looked in months, and i'll get it all again the day or two before i leave town again and get everything nice and shiny... next project? vacuum out all the upholstry/floor mats, and treat the leather seats and clean the dash... brother's said before the only other people he knows who fuss over how their cars look as much as me are guys, but whatever... another thing to make me strange =P

on the other hand, to line up w/ my car-filled afternoon, dad's begun getting fussy on me again... we generally are at odds with each other over something or another that i'd rather just let go, but he keeps on going... he's fussed about little things all week, but we've basically kept the peace... i guess we did today too so far but he's starting to get to me... first he was mad b/c the mailman came while i was out in the driveway working on my car and i failed to get a package from the mailman that now we have to wait til monday to get. then he chewed me out for not eating beets at lunch... then he threw stuff at me and yelled and told me "no matter what i do it's never good enough" when he gave me double A batteries for my fire alarm that died earlier in the week, and i told him "thanks, but it takes a 9V battery instead, these won't fit"... he's also been at least twice a day telling me that he's proud of me but doing math is unnatural and wouldn't i like to study something nice like plants or animals... he counts his animals every day -- that's math and that should be good enough for me... i guess my point by listing all of this is... he's starting to grate away at me again... all of these are pretty petty/silly things to argue about and i don't really want to, but dad has this habit of going and going and going and going, and it gets old fast... i dunno.

at any rate, had fun w/ jenny yesterday, in 4 hours i'll head over to jessica's for dinner and a movie (mona lisa smile) -- excited about that too. =)

the end for now. =) yay for friends, and hopefully dad will learn to chill a little too. =)

hello information give me memphis, tennessee.... =P

dude, so memphis jenny is hero of the day for giving me "memphis: the album" for my christmas present... she's been working since the summer on collecting good memphis/blues songs to burn me a homemade CD for a gift, and it's super spiffy. =) i was way excited.

so my day? mostly hanging out w/ jenny... hadn't seen her since she moved to ohio for grad school the first week of august, and she's leaving again sunday to go back, so i won't see her for months again... we went out to an indian restaurant and then to the pink palace for fun... they had a spiffy planetarium show of the constellations of the winter skies and the stories that go with them... super cool since i've been trying to learn them... then we saw an IMAX feature on chimpanzees in africa that was super cool as well... finally went bookstore-ing and starbucks-ing, and had a party overall... jenny quote of the day was "some of your friends say you're complicated? dude, the rules of dealing with lara are pretty straightforward and simple... i should write an instruction manual!" so who knows. =)

speaking of my friends who think i'm complicated, i'm generally laughed at by my non-memphis friends for locking my cars and double and triple checking them and for making sure everything is out of view in my car, including any slips of paper with writing on them... while jenny and i were in the pink palace (in a middle-class part of town, generally i feel really safe there) the car next to mine was broken into -- out of state plates and they had a bag sitting on the front seat that was taken... i'm NOT paranoid... just a product of my surroundings =P

it's interesting b/c jenny and jessica are the two HS friends i still keep really well in touch w/... both live out of state and are currently in grad school in their respective fields... it's really bizarre to me to run into other people from the past and chat about what they're doing... like 11pm candlelight church service on christmas eve... kara smallwood (in 6th - 8th grade with me) was there visiting from kansas, and david barton (in K-4th grade with me) was there, who's been in town all along, just hadn't seen him in like 12 years or so... and when you're talking to people you haven't seen in years it inevitably follows after the "hi, how are you?" that you ask "so what are you up to now?".... it feels like there's a small percentage of people in grad school like me, and otherwise for 90% of the people my age the answer is "oh, i'm still in town, meet my fiance/significant other... i (fill in straightforwardly explainable job like building houses, sell stuff, whatever)"... despite the stresses this semester, i really do love what i'm doing now... it's just kinda a dose of reality of the fact that what i'm up to with my life lately (studying and soon hopefully actively doing research mathematics) is rather abstract and not the common thing to do... its applicable to real life and i'm proud of it, but my dad's always on my case of why don't i do things that are more natural, like switch over to biology or something... whatever... at times though, comparing notes w/ the majority of my local friends i feel like in a way i've traded in other relationships for the world of academia... not in that i don't have a lot of good friends from a variety of places, but in that my life is so geared towards that, and grad school is definitely set up for people who are single and in charge of their own schedule, not leaving much time for too terribly much outside of it... i enjoy the way things are going now.... but it's just kinda interesting that each time i'm home the divergence between my life of studying and making my own plans as i want them (e.g. my massive road trip next month) and the lifestyle of settling down with spouse and kids and a local easily understandable job is more and more noticable... and i don't know how exactly to phrase what i think about that... i feel like i'm in yet another minority, which is usually neither bad nor good, just an observation, and another fact about me to confuse most everyone who knows me and is not in that category.

dude, i am so rambling. the end.

p.s. i hate being sick... not bad sick, just the same sniffles, sore throat from last week lingers on... whatever. later.

p.s. #2: major accomplishment of the year -- with the new computer we got, yesterday we taught dad how to turn it on and off... today i got dad an email address and got him to write his first email. welcome to the digital age, dad, who can't handle a remote control =) major victory... woo-hah! =P

do freakin dah =P

home sweet home... or something like it. =P

i've been here like 14 hours and it's already nuts.

on the con side --
* the family's housesitting a cockatoo for a bit... his name's oswald... only he and frosty (our cockatoo) don't get along very well so they sit in their cages and scream at each other all day (usually frosty just screams for fun)... is it sad that i can tell their voices apart from across the house?
* the battery in my fire alarm in my old room is dying, and thus the unit's having fits... i woke up at 5:09am today (after going to sleep at 3!) because it went off and woke me up... after determining the unit was just as old as the house and it meant nothing, i wacked it good and went back to sleep

on the pro side
* dad and me haven't yelled yet... maybe we'll set a new record for length of time more or less getting along

and just plain weird?...
* i just got one of my textbooks for fall semester in the mail... it was sent from... taiwan of all places! go figure (i ordered it from amazon.com... not somewhere bizarre)

oh yeah, and 3 of my 4 grades for this semester got posted online... A, A, A... unfortunately the one that's not up is analysis, which is the one i'm actually worried about... grades aren't that significant in grad school as long as you pass quals, but As and Bs are acceptable, Cs are considered failing and i'm really not sure where i fall on the B/C cutoff w/ dr. ocone... we'll see... and when that one's posted i'll feel a lot better... but just seeing the three As made me happy and affirmed and stuff... go me.

and now i'm getting sick... blah... time to get my act together and hit up walgreens for some cough syrup fun. vislat!

gritins y'all

so here i am back in memphis for the first time in 4 months...

really, i wasn't supposed to get in til tomorrow, but whatever... yesterday i drove the 6 hours from my place in jersey to aunt pris's house in pittsburgh no problem... after an evening of TV/movies w/ my cousins while aunt pris/uncle bob had to go to a funeral visitation, i got a bit of sleep and then was on the road again.... 12.5 hours from pittsburgh to memphis, most of it in crazy rain. swtiched time zones along the way, so now even with me staying up insanely late like i usually do, i'm slightly more in pace with my family.

oh, here's the other exciting part -- mom dad and ryan's christmas present to themselves was to get a family computer -- it's kinda cool... flatscreen monitor... the tower has one side that's transparent and the insides light up in neon colors, so it's kinda fun looking too... and it's much faster than either of my old ancient machines... goal over break? convince the parents that dsl/highspeed something or another is a worthwhile investment... for the time mom wanted to use the AOL dialiup trial CD she got at the post office this week, and hey unlimited dial up is better than nothing, right? =P

at any rate, insanely tired... (as i should be! i've driving 1100+ miles in the last two days!) time for some sleep.

on the road again

my last entry from jersey for a bit... it's 12:30... i've barely packed for the next 3 weeks and i head off tomorrow morning, not to be back here until mid-january -- joy!

besides church today, i managed to do a lot of cleaning, went and saw a local performance of the nutcracker w/ colleen, erin (her sister), eric, and scott... fun times indeed... now i won't see any of my math people until i get back here next month, or en route on my return trip... dude...

i'm tired... for several reasons.
(1) had a minor cold/virus all weekend, energy sapped
(2) end of semester = all the craziness i've put myself through for the past 4 months is finally having time to catch up with me
... and probably the most significant...
(3) time to change places again...

(3) deserves the most explanation... like dude, i've been way excited about going back down south/back home for a bit now, so really yay... but i'll miss my NJ folks too... and that's the thing... as i'd guess is true for most people, whenever i move someplace and start over somewhere new, it's a chance to regroup and re-project myself... i've gotten a lot louder/more outgoing since grade school, but around certain people who have known me that long, i revert to being pretty quiet/passive/whatever, just because that's what i've always done around them... but even amongst groups of people that know me as louder, i'm a different lara in each one... memphis lara is a version of me i haven't had to be in several months, and these several months have changed me a lot i think, by the stressload of school and of all the crazy things in my personal life lately... it's kinda like i was excited to be back at valpo last spring, but it was hard because i changed so much during my time in hungary... in the same way, i feel like i'm a very different lara than i was in august in some ways, and it'll be a little rough figuring out how i fit with my memphis people again after everything that's gone on.

beyond that, just switching gears between who i expect myself to be with different groups of people takes a lot of energy... go figure... ok, mental note, i'm coming back to this paragraph in a minute (*)

this is also going to be a draining break just as much as it will be energizing, just in totally different respects. so much has gone on this semester that i've recognized but not really made myself emotionally deal with and think through or really process. i always say driving's how i deal with stress, so i'm finally going to have time to sit still and think through a lot of this stuff in the next few days/weeks, and i don't know how i feel about that, although coming to terms with what all's gone on lately is a necessary thing.

but back to (*)... interesting my word choice of "who i expect myself to be" in different groups of people. you'd think with how many times i write on here, or how many snail mail letters i write, or the vastness of my mass email audience, i'd consider myself to have lots of friends, and i do. however, it's almost all what i consider to be "spazz lara"... there's this small core inside of me that i consider me, and then this huge cloud of crazy energy around it that "spazzes out" and that's what people get of me usually i think. it's not that the "spazz" is not really me, because it's a very true part of me, but it's not my core.... but like out of all my tons of friends, who could name the one thing i want more than anything? the one thing i'm most scared of? the one thing i own that i value most? i think a rare few could figure them out, but for the most part these are things that only my "core" knows that i don't really share.... is this normal? or am i hiding from something? if so, what and why? dude... too philosophical for one night.

later.

cough cough cough

blah.

so for the first time since i moved to jersey, i've gotten sick... just in time for the holidays -- yuck. it's not that terribly bad... just annoying since it's just not fun to be sick while travelling like i will be in another day and a half... it's all in my throat which is just pretty yucky right now.

accomplishments of the week? mostly a lot of movie watching. thursday, after my 4:30 am return home, i went to sleep at 6, woke up at 9, and finished reading _perelandra_ (2nd book in the c.s.lewis space trilogy... read them all before, had re-started perelandra earlier this month and had been too swamped with stuff to finish it until now)... then eric and sam came over and we watched all of star wars episode 4, and the beginning of the empire strikes back.... then being thursday, those of us still around had the requistite no math night and finished watching empire...

after the movie, leigh wanted to see christmas lights and colleen and i were excited too, so we decided it was a go... but none of the guys were too enthused, so we left them at colleen's place to bake christmas cookies while we went around driving and singing... it was lots of fun especially since this was the first time all semester that the three of us got to hang out without any of the guys... don't get me wrong, they're all great too, but one of the things about being a female in higher math is that you're definitely in the minority... so we have tons of fun hanging out with all the guys, but from time to time it's nice to have some just girl time, which doesn't come by all that often... i think that's one of the reasons my visit with jessica last weekend was so excellent -- not only was it away from things stressing me out, it was also some quality much needed girl time. =)

so yesterday i woke up feeling yucky, but nonetheless, the star wars marathon continued and just eric and me watched the return of the jedi... then colleen, sam, and scott came over for pizza and we watched citizen kane (never seen that before either)... pretty quality... ian came over for a bit after the movie too... fun all around, but by the end i was feeling pretty miserable sick-wise, so eric accompanied me on a 1am grocery store run to get some medicine, which is helping, but i'm definitely running low on energy and feeling yucky in general...

today, it was the rest of star wars marathon with eric over here to watch episodes 1 and 2 and feast on leftover raw veggies and soup... joy.

so star wars -- that pretty much sums up the last three days of my life -- joy. =P

actually, i did pretty much enjoy them, but there's so many weird names and weird details that this being my first time ever to see them confused me a bit... eric was good at explaining, but it's still a lot to keep track of.

hard to believe tonight i'm in a 2-bedroom new jersey apartment and in 4 nights i'll be in a large old drafty falling apart tennessee clampett-house just 15 miles from mississippi... the contrast is so large! i love new jersey -- i'm gonna really actually miss my math people for the next few weeks, but on the other hand, the south fits like a glove too... i've been listening to country and yay south/dixie kinda music all week -- it won't be a white christmas, but it'll be the one i know best =) and i'll even get to pick up my minor drawl for a bit too =) i guess like the saying goes -- you can take the girl outta the south, but you can't take the south outta the girl.

agenda tomorrow? church and packing for the long drive home
agenda now? save tons of emails off my computer (my yahoo account's about to explode!) and watch a dumb movie until my cold medicine rekicks in enough for me to go to sleep =P

good night all!

a végén!!!

that would be hungarian for "at the end!!!", which finally describes my semester. today was a really long day of highs and lows... luckily the highs mostly all came after the lows, so now i'm tired but pretty happy. =)

i couldn't sleep last night (obviously from my last entry), so i was up til like 5 and woke up at 9... then it was study my brains out for analysis time... too bad it didn't pay off like i wanted it too... i honestly have learned a lot this semester, but by giving us the longest takehome exam ever, dr. ocone precluded the chance of seriously studying for the inclass half of the final, especially for those of us who struggle more with the class and were stuck for long periods of time on the takehome problems... the takehome problems are going to be my saving grace because regardless of how they went, they're definitely much much better than my answers to what he put in front of us this afternoon.

so i studied til like 2, then headed to campus. our exam started at 2:50 and his comment was "oh, it's only 5 problems, then 2 extra credit ones... you have til 6 but i doubt it should take that long at all" uh, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight... sam left way before anyone else, and he was there til at least 5 something... i was like the 5th to leave out of like a dozen students and i didn't leave til like 5:45... half of what i turned in was utter rubbish... i'm guessing i get a C (= "failing" in grad school terms), but i'm not the only one, so i'll deal. next semester is a fresh start, and not as harsh a teacher (dr. ocone is nice, approachable, explains decently well (even if he is a little scatterbrained sometimes), etc., but even the people who are really good at analysis agreed that that was one of the longest exams they've ever had to deal with and to put a really insanely long take home part PLUS a really insanely long in class part together on the same week was really not nice of him)... my grade may not show it, but i put a lot of effort into that class, and i know i learned a lot in it, even if i'm still just not as quick at analysis as some of my friends... whatever.

ok, so the analysis exam was torment... i headed straight from the class to the bathroom to hurl and stop shaking, then composed myself enough to catch up with everyone else who had "finished" in the lobby...

i was so annoyed with the test, i decided not to wait on everyone else but to get some fresh air and get home to attack my new punching bag, and eric came with me... we set it up and attacked for awhile... i made myself a huge cup of cappuccino and we watched some old seinfeld reruns.... it was just good to calm down for a bit and beat up something for awhile. =)

that done, the people (= jared, scott, john, sam, eric, colleen, and me) went out to eat... we went to a thai restaurant that i had actually been to when i visited the campus here in march but didn't know where it was since... really really spicy food but really super good, and it was just fun to hang out and laugh for awhile. after pad thai (the name of the restaurant) we went to starbucks to kill half an hour, then we drove over to the movie theater to meet up with ben and leigh, since we had advanced tickets for all 9 of us to see the 11:10pm showing of "the return of the king"

super super good movie -- i've only read the 1st book in the trilogy although i saw both of the first two movies in the trilogy before... there were a couple parts i was super grossed out and twice where i just closed my eyes and told eric (who was next to me) to tell me when the stuff i didn't like had gone away... luckily he's nice and didn't tell me i could open my eyes when stuff was still going on just to make me scream =)... ben (on the other side of eric) laughed at me a ton though as i curled up and hid from the screen at times... but yeah, despite my squirming, i really enjoyed it. =)

being a lord of the rings movie, of course we didn't get out until after 2:30am... but hey, i have no responsibility except for driving places on time for the next MONTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so eric had pinky swore on monday that we'd go to dennys or ihop tonight, and when i said we were going, everyone but leigh (who is getting over strep throat and needed some sleep!) came along... had a great time in general... scott and me split an omelete and hash browns and i drank way more coffee than i should have for the middle of the night... not as shady as the valpo dennys (no stories about pimps and limo drivers tonight unfortunately =P), but it was in fact a dennys =P

now, it's 5am and here i am still awake and high on coffee =) and i think i'm gonna crash for about 3 hours... prof. treanor is in NJ half an hour away visiting her brother for christmas... she called last night while i was working on my exam and didn't want to disturb so i said either call back wednesday night or thursday morning, but i was seeing a late movie on wednesday... soooo, apparently she called at 10pm, when i was out en route to theater... i don't want to miss her 3 times in a row, so i figure if i get up at 8, i can entertain myself until she calls, (without her feeling bad for waking me up!) and then crash again after we chat... good plan, right? besides, i got all the time i want to sleep between now and monday...

well, almost... there is a little structure here...
(1) definitely going to church on sunday AM
(2) my room turns into a disaster zone in times of stress, e.g. finals week, so i have quite a bit of cleaning/organizing to do
(3) gotta pack for the next 3 weeks for galavanting halfway across the country and back!
(4) and last but not least, eric freaked out last fall in budapest when he discovered i've never watched any of the star wars movies and although i recognize the more spotlight characters i don't know the plot at all,.... sooooo, when he came back from thanksgiving break, he brought all of them back with him, and is making me watch all 5 episodes that are out now before i go home for christmas... will be an adventure to be sure... he just says he's never met someone who has never seen them before and is curious to watch my "genuine first timer's reaction" being the anomaly i am who never grew up with star wars references as a regular part of my existence.

ok, dude, that sums up my day and my plans between now and monday... my semester is done, it's 5am and i've been up for 20 hours, and my last paragraph was too rambly for me to be allowed to write anymore... good night/morning =P

duuuuuuuuuude

that's what i have to say to pretty much 17 hours straight of analysis. well, i stopped for lunch, dinner, and a starbucks run, but basically 10am til 3am that's what i did... and duuuuuude.

i've now written up something for every problem although the later in that span i got to them the less faith i have in the correctness of my solutions... whatever. i spent a little over an hour trying to see even a pinpoint of daylight on the extra credit problem, but no cigar... whatever.

my billy joel dedicaiton to the exam:
don't ask for help, you're all alone
PRESSURE
you'll have to answer to your own
PRESSURE

i'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale
but here you are in the ninth
two men out and three men on
nowhere to look but inside
where we all respond to pressure
PRESSURE

is that not perfect or what? unfortunately part of my response to "pressure" is to have so many things whirring around in my mind that i can't sleep (hence being up and writing an hour after i first tried to go to sleep... oops)... whatever, in a mere 15 hours my semester will be done... analysis can stop being the bane of my existence until next term starts over a month from now, and i can catch up with and deal with all the stressors that have added up since august to make this probably 4 of the most stressful months of my life... january = fresh start... duuuude, what a thought =)

i'm definitely wearing my new "cranky" toe socks to the exam tomorrow. do dah.

night.

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket...

dude, so algebra done -- woohoo... the exam was unexpectedly open book which is nice... but also makes me wonder what exactly our grade is based on... 4/5 of the problems could be just about directly copied from the book! whatever.

now, all that stands between me and a happy end of semester is analysis. analysis = not my friend. i have 2 out of 5 problems done on the take home part of the final and haven't even started looking at studying stuff besides those problems. today i should have worked on more but alas....

so first i woke up, studied for algebra (which turned out to be open book anyhow), took the algebra exam, then went home to make lunch... remembered i had stuff to box up and get to the post office, but discovered i didn't have packing tape, called eric, who also happened to need to mail stuff, and had a package wrapping party at his house... by the time we made it through the line at the post office, etc. it was already nearly 5... we went back to his place, and opened a package i got today -- christmas present from kristin (aka roommate... valpo roommate, not current roommate =P)... she gave me a pair of toe socks that say "cranky" on them with a frown face on each toe and a 5.5 foot tall inflatable punching bag... both completely cracked me up! knowing how much stress i've been under this semester and that i always talk about punching things, she purposely gave me stress-relievers to (a) make me laugh (the socks -- how can you wear such a thing and not laugh =P) and (b) be a stress channeler (punching bag)... most excellent!

so after unwrapping those, spending forever inflating the punching bag, and having hot chocolate, it was time to meet up w/ other people to go to applebees for dinner... it was eric, me, scott, colleen, and john... made it home by 9 (had to deflate the punching bag enough to get it in my car =P), and started to work on analysis... getting nowhere, i ended up chatting on IM w/ eric who commented to me "so why don't we go looking for that abandoned ferry again or something?"

so yeah, not ferry hunting but other exciting things... first we drove down to U.S. 1 to see this huge legendary tree in front of a mobile home park that has 70,000+ christmas lights on it -- quite spectacular... then we took backroads on the return trip and found a dead end road in the middle of a field a bit mroe away from city lights than normal in NJ and looked at stars for an hour -- saw a LOT because it was such a clear night! -- absolutely amazing... quote:

me: so do you know what this means? i just saw the big dipper AND the little dipper on the same night! that's like a lifelong goal!
eric: yup, that's me... eric rowland, fulfilling one lifelong goal at a time.

heh... besides the dippers, the usual cassiopeia, cephus, orion, taurus, canis major, pleiades... also learned lepus (spelling?) and found a double star in that which was really cool... the moon was only a half moon too so with our binoculars you could see craters on it by the border between the light and the shadowed part... most excellent.

so yeah, lots of stars, and then we took a picture of a cow crossing sign that has times below it (as if cows know when to cross the street?) on the way back that i had seen before... also jammed out to my new "billy joel: greatest hits" double CD all the way there and back... first CD that both me and eric own that we've come across since we've met!... duuuuuude,... all in all an entertaining analysis free 2 hours.

but yeah, tomorrow i'm gonna pay for this analysis-wise...unfortunately... at any rate, wish me luck! =P night.

i am the entertainer

dude, so it snowed enough with the risk of sleet that i woke up on time, but stayed here and wrote up algebra all morning instead of making it to church... first i've been awake and outright skipped in months... kinda wish i woulda gone, but i really didn't want to deal w/ the crazy snow/sleet traffic, whatever.

turned on the TV during breakfast to see the news about saddam -- craziness indeed... amanda and me actually watched bush's 5 minute speech at noon together... i think that's the first TV we've watched together all semester... or close to it... go figure.

since then i've spent 5 hours on one analysis problem and just now solved it. headache indeed. this class drives me nuts. i really want to pass, i really want to understand, but it frazzles me no end.

earlier...
me: so i think i've come to the conclusion that there's not enough time in the days between now and wednesday to finish this exam
eric: yeah, i think there's not enough brain cells in my head to finish it... good work.

on the other hand, listening to my spiffy new billy joel double CD i picked up while out w/ jessica yesterday:

lyrics
i am the entertainer and i know just where i stand
another serenader and another long-haired band
today i am your champion, i may have won your hearts
but i know the game, you'll forget my name
and i won't be here in another year
if i don't stay on the charts

sweet southern comfort =)

With rusty cars and weeping willows,
Keepin watch out in the yard,
Just a snapshot of downhome Dixie,
Could be anywhere you are,

In Carolina or in Georgia,
Open arms are waitin for ya,
Louisianna, yellow rose of San Antone,
Arkansas, Mississippi,
Old man river whispers to me,
Carry on, Carry on,
Sweet Southern Comfort carry on.

As I sit here I'm surrounded,
By these priceless memories,
I don't have to think about it,
There's no place I'd rather be,

In Carolina or in Georgia,
Smell the jasmine and magnollia,
Sleepy Sweet home Alabama,
Roll tide roll,
Muddy water, Misssissippi,
Blessed Graceland whispers to me,
Carry on, Carry on,
Sweet Southern Comfort, Carry on.

... that song was on the radio this afternoon coming back to rutgers. i liked it a lot. =) i love jersey, NY, etc., but you can't ever get tired of being down South either. =) yay.

so friends who invite you to disappear and forget about everything for a day when you really really need it are the best ever. after what i wrote on here late thursday night, i woke up to an email yesterday morning from jessica, who is the coolest ever in my book right now. she said if it worked in my schedule i was totally invited to just hang at her place for awhile. so i drove yesterday, we went out to applebees and i got my requisite margarita, we rented two movies, and watched until like 2am, chatted til after 4am, i slept til 11, we made breakfast, and then went shopping half the day (i came back with 3 frank perretti novels from a used book store, a double CD of billy joel's greatest hits, and a double CD of dixie chicks live in concert) =)

having felt i was about to explode thursday night/most of friday, it was just awesome to take a break, hang out with an old friend (and her cat =P) and avoid everything causing me stress for awhile, take things easy, and just be able to ramble off the top of my head about everything going on... things that have been on my mind and some people around me daily are tired of hearing, as well as things on my mind for awhile that i haven't told anybody here but was good to be able to spout off about a little to someone completely outside my people dynamics here. =) indeed, jessica is the coolest ever, and today was a much needed break and a super good day.

now, it's back to work... if i don't finish my algebra final take home part tonight i'm in big trouble for time to do analysis for the rest of the week.

later.

disclaimer

so an offer came up that i couldn't refuse =P i'll be MIA for the next day or so, so don't freak out that my blog currently ends on a very blah note and that my phone's off and that i'm not on IM or responding to emails at present. a spiffy friend just gave me the opportunity to take a break from reality of sorts and i'm all about that, so i wholeheartedly accept... i'm fine, and i'll be back eventually.

later all, and have a good weekend.

ugh

so welcome to reading day. classes done, two exams to go -- both have a take home part and an in class part. i should have started one or the other today, but apparently not, and i think when i'm done typing here i'm going to crash.

i slept in until i woke up on my own at 12:30 this afternoon... watched 3 episodes of cosby show, and then ran errands... then putzed around chatting online until it was time to have the requisite "no math night" with the people. however, by the time i had gotten there, scott, colleen, sam, and john had already left for the grocery store b/c scott was confused and told people that was the plan and i'd just pick up eric when i got to campus and meet them at the store... eric and me were both confused and slightly irked (not like mad but just like "what on earth are they doing???") and so after talking to scott on his cell, we started to drive to the store too... halfway there we realized neither of us really needed anything there, and since everyone else was 20 minutes ahead of us, we'd just let them deal, so we went back to eric's place and laughed at PDQ Bach songs for awhile.

when everyone else showed up, they made potato pancakes (latkes) and soup for everyone and i played cards w/ the guys... again a losing streak, but i tried... had a lot of almost farmers hands (the worst hands you can get in sheepshead). after awhile, colleen had been leading people in baking cookies and convinced them all to help decorate. i held back for a little and took a few pictures of everyone working then curled back up on the couch i had been on for cards... i got to thinking... the last time i did something baking-ish like that was with nicole... and the decorating cookies would have been a very nicole-like endeavor... i miss nicole. also reminded me of our big christmas party we threw at my apartment in budapest last christmas and all those people i miss too... i've gotten emails and letters from several just this week too, and i miss them a ton.... but even more i miss nicole and that i'll never get to do holiday stuff or baking stuff or any of that with her again.

mostly then, while everyone else decorated, frosted, and ate cookies, i was in my own world thinking away. eric tried to convince me to eat cookies, scott told me a couple times i needed to wake up, and jared actually asked me what was on my mind (and i gave him the half a sentence summary =P) but mostly people just let me be and carried on like normal, which is fine.

i stayed there, pretty quiet most of the rest of the night until everyone else left... then i did too... but instead of the normal 10 minutes to drive home, i took an extended hour-long version. there's something about being on the open road, with barely any traffic, in the middle of the night that's relaxing and freeing... you can just kinda let your mind go... and it can race just as fast as you are going down the interstate. i like driving a lot. instead of clearing my mind, i think i just reorganized all the heavy things going on inside it right now and made for more to think about... whatever, i needed the drive.

mostly, i'm impressed i've made it down to the last week of the semester. if i had known in august what all was going to happen in the past 4 months, i don't know where i would have chosen to be for all of it. grad school is already mega stress. add to that completely starting over and knowing no one while my primary support system is spread across the country/world. add to that the uncertainty of whether or not i'm going to pass analysis and that i really don't know what the consequences of that are yet or not (will i have a job/funding next year???). add to that that 15 people who are close to me or close to my friends have died in the past 3 months, 2 have been diagnosed with cancer, and that's a lot. add to that that at this point so much has happened this semester that i just have very little faith in my own abilities to do anything anymore...

so yeah, basically january is a very very very much needed fresh start. many many many more of you have so much more faith in me than i do in myself anymore. i feel like i complain about the same things over and over and over and people are getting tired of hearing them... but they're still there nagging at me.... what i want more than anything right now is for someone to give me a hug, sit down w/ me and a pitcher of margaritas or something and just want to talk/listen for awhile until i just unsteam everything driving me nuts right now... mostly i just need a hug.

i'm tired. i don't think algebra's going to get done well while i'm in this mood so i think i'm going to let myself crash. wish me luck on the take homes, since i absolutely positively have to start them tomorrow =P

night

bacardi, shrimp fettucini aldredo, and some messed up M&Ms

the above would be my current lunch... how's that for a lunch menu at 4pm when i've only been up since 1? go finals week.
steve klee just said i get a thumbs up and a seal of approval just for that. go me.

thought #1: it never ceases to crack me up that when you go to a liquor store (i keep ending up in states where you can't just buy alcohol in the grocery store... go figure) they put your stuff in a plain brown paper bag. it's not like people can't guess that because you have a plain brown paper bag you probably have some kind of alcohol in it. most other places that give you paper bags advertise on them anyhow. but it's like despite the fact that everyone probably knows what you have inside the mysterious bag anyhow, they recognize the social stigma or whatever have you of having alcohol and are trying their darndest to disguise it... this makes me laugh. the end

thought #2... what on earth is going on with my M&Ms? check this out:


thought #3: duuuuuuuuuude

later

my away message of the day =P

It's the most wonderful time of the year:
it's the last day of classes,
we hope everyone passes,
no more integrals here!
It's the most wonderful time of the year!

It's the hap-happiest season of all:
all those tensor constructions
and homotopic notions
now dash away all!
It's the hap-happiest season of all!

There'll be exams for the taking,
"no math" nights in the making,
and sliding round out in the snow!
there'll be scary test stories and
tales of the glories of math quals so
long, long ago.

It's the most wonderful time of the year:
no more all night homeworking,
round starbucks i'll be lurking
now that finals are near --
It's the most wonderful time of the year!

~new and improved lyrics courtesy of me =)

my head is sooo weird

so i just woke up from being in the middle of the most bizarre dream. it's very very very rarely that i remember what i'm dreaming about when i wake up so i figured i'd start typing while it's still there.

there were 5 of us... me, my two younger pittsburgh cousins, and then two other little kids who i've already forgotten who they were, but i knew them no question while i was actually asleep.

we were in some huge house my head made up, and we left the rest of everyone else to finish decorating a christmas tree in the hallway. but the hallway was weird. it was a big across as a normal room, (hence christmas tree right in the middle of it) and at the very far end it was just plain open to the rest of the world... like if you looked down the hallway or a normal day you could just see the outside, not through a window, just right there... otherwise a typical hallway full of lots and lots of doors down both sides, most of them closed.

so the 5 of us, me by far the oldest and in charge of the rest, are decorating this tree... then i look up down the "open" end of the hallway and see a cyclone cloud coming down the hallway at us... it's only like a dozen doors away, so we assume time is of the essence and dash into the nearest doorway -- it happens to be a frozen over cornfield (told you my head is weird)... we all lie down on the ground, heads down to brace for the big hurricane like storm coming through and all i can think of is "just like in july -- when did memphis start getting hurricanes?" (i'm soooo weird)

we all close our eyes and wait, wishing there's time to warn the people we just left before going to decorate the tree.... then when we open them there's a clock there, it says 2:something am and we're confused by it... i get up and look out the door, the storm's still coming, only a few doors away now, so i go back to the rest of the crew...

next time we close our eyes and open them we're in a room full of sinks, the clock says 3:07, and we're waiting, with such things as mattresses to take cover under when the storm actually hits.

....and then my alarm went off...

is that bizarre of what? what on earth does it mean? (my theory on dreams is usually assorted images already in your head firing at random and putting themselves together in the back of your head, kinda filing them all away, and in that case it's all somewhat insignificant.) i really have no clue, but it's often 6 months or more between when i actually have dreams i remember, so i had to start typing while i was still relatively clear on the details. go figure =P laugh away, and have a great day! =P

do re me fa so la ti do

dude, two concerts two consecutive nights.

last night was rutgers wind ensemble -- that's like the top band here. eric and me went, as usual, and enjoyed it a bunch.

conversation on the way back from the concert
eric: (commenting on people on campus w/ cars, etc., etc. etc... next semester our analysis class gets done 20 minutes before when his band rehearsal will be every week so i'm his "chauffer" then)
me: so basically you're saying all it takes to be your best friend is to be able to drive you places?
eric: (laughs) more or less, yeah
me: what kind of best friend does that make you?
eric: a shallow one
me: oh, well you should work on that... be deeper!
eric: (laughs really hard) that's the most hysterical thing you've said all day... be deeper! maaan!

dude, enough of that...

so then tonight was symphony band concert. eric's 1st assisting horn in that, and this was their one and only concert of the semester so instead of eric being my concert buddy since he was on stage... i met up with leigh, colleen, sam, john, and scott. math party indeed. it was awesome. they played an really cool arrangement of "it is well with my soul" which i hadn't heard since the weekend i was in valpo for nicole's memorial service in september. so that made me tear up, but in a good way. they also played a really cool symphony called "la fiesta mexicana" that eric's been talking about all semester... often this semester he practiced on thursdays between algebra and "no math night" and instead of go home and back, i'd often bring a book and sit around and listen, so it was really cool to put together eric's horn parts with the whole orchestra and hear what i recognized in a totally different way! super cool!

scott scared me during intermission -- he and i were at opposite ends of the row and he snuck up behind me, out of nowhere whispered "PIZZA!" in my ear and ran off -- i jumped, and when he got back to his seat, i gave him the pinky =P

back to the music -- on the 2nd movement of "la fiesta mexicana", eric had a really low note to hit all the sudden after sitting for a bit, which is hard to do, and he hit it perfectly, so after the concert tonight, the conversation was as follows:
me: dude, good job!
eric: i even hit the low A! i screwed other things up, but i hit that A! go me!
me: for that you can be hero of the day, and starbucks is on me.
eric: dude, i owe you money
me: but how often is it that you get to be hero of the day? and even more rarely how often do i offer to buy starbucks? enjoy your status, and like all heroes of the day, take the starbucks.,.. well then again when potato cheese soup is hero of the day, it doesn't seem to mix well with starbucks, but that's another story
eric: awesome, i'm a starbucks worthy hero of the day!

dude

ok, so in summary, the music was great, i love my math people, and i need some sleep -- tomorrow's my last day of classes of the semester -- i can't believe i've survived! yay. =) good night!

road trip!

dude, so i'm way excited about next month... why? i'm going to have the road trip to end all road trips for awhile. =P

given, it's about 1200 miles worth of driving for me to go from school here in new jersey to my parents' house in memphis, TN already... BUT, my current return trip is gonna take over 2250 miles!

current lineup?

jan 8: drive from memphis, TN to st. louis, MO, have lunch with dave beagley, then drive from st. louis, MO to manteno, IL, spend night w/ g-ma pudwell
jan 9: hanging out w/ grandma pudwell
jan 10: drive from manteno, IL to madison, WI, track down and pick up scott there, drive from madison, WI to colleen's house near minneapolis, MN, spend night @ colleen's
jan 11: hanging out @ colleen's
jan 12: drive from minneapolis, MN, back through chicago, IL, to valparaiso, IN, (with scott and colleen!), spend the night on campus and hanging out w/ all the super cool people there
jan 13: in valpo, attack math colloquium, morning chapel, and other fun stuff
jan 14: drive from valparaiso, IN to pittsburgh, PA (turnpikes for 3 states in a row -- woo hah), spend night at aunt priscilla's house
jan 15: around and about pittsburgh -- hopefully see grandma schumann/fischer up in cabot and track down my cousin heather, and maybe some downtown sightseeing for the people =P
jan 16: drive from pittsburgh, PA to piscataway, NJ

think you should be on this schedule? let me know =P heh. i don't think i can do too many more detours than i already am... i've managed to double the length of my return trip already -- this is gonna be great! =)

now if only i were better on focusing on right now! today's been pretty productive but not enough... i had 3 classes... in between ran some errands and stuff and then the afternoon/evening just escaped. my last class got out around 4:15. then scott and i went to starbucks to study until 7ish... scott fell asleep and i worked hard on lie algebras, but yeah, whatever... went back to campus and picked up eric so we could go to the wind ensemble concert at 8... when that got out we went and bought tickets for everyone to see the final lord of the rings movie for next week (a crew of 9 of us going -- awesome!)... after that, i ended up going grocery shopping w/ eric and trevor and then got home at 11 something... since then i've been organizing, and not so much homeworking... need to write up what i did earlier and work like non-stop tomorrow... for now, i think it's time to crash.

to all a good night =P

snow 'n stuff

the last 24 hours in pictures:

this is what jersey looks like right now:



yay snow!

...and this is me, eric, and the rockefeller center christmas tree -- in 10 inches of snow...



yay christmas =)

...and this is me driving in my car today



i am such a total gimp for taking pictures like this last one, eh?

the end

my day without verbs

well, that in a second. first some snow commentary. 36 hours straight of snow, piling up to 10 inches in my part of jersey -- absolutely insane! makes for driving taking 3 to 4 times the usual amount of time (30 minutes to campus instead of 10, 2.5 hours to get to walmart and back yesterday w/ scott which is normally 15 minutes each way)... nuts! but i love it! can't wait til i get pictures back from all this mess... snow is one thing... starting out w/ the first sticking snow of the season being this huge, that's juts plain freakin awesome!

and now... my day without verbs... see if you can pick out which items to ask me about for the most entertaining stories... & enjoy =P

awake, breakfast, crazy snow, car, errands, train, new york, zanzibar, mango margarita, trek, slush, "free" hat, indian chant, rockefeller center, sparkly tree, pictures, taxi, race, slush, broadway, 42nd street, balcony, tap-dancers, encore, slush, penn station, train, car, people, monsters inc, brownies, duuuuuuude

in denial

dude, i certainly must be... here it is 4am, on a night when i have no good reason to be up this late at all, yet nevertheless i am, having made an evening of listening to mannheim steamroller CDs and writing cards, now instead of going to sleep, i just filled out an online handwriting analysis just for kicks... highlights include: (bold is their comments, italics is my response)

Regarding letter size... you clicked "Very large". This implies that you have a driving need for social interaction. I would guess you're right at home at a party... as a matter of fact... let's face it, you're the LIFE of the party. People with very large handwriting are also able to juggle several things at the same time, but often get bored if they have to focus on one task too long.

well, kinda. i like people, i like having lots of friends, and think they're all super cool, but i'm much more at home minding my own business. that last comment on juggling things is very true though. =P

Concerning the letter slant of your sample (slant reveals emotional outlay)... you chose "Midway between vertical and hard right-slant". Your emotional outlay is exactly halfway between an introvert and an extrovert. So, you have the best of both worlds: the ability to think logically and make hard decisions and at the same time you can still be very emotional... which means that you can spend time and get along with both types of people.

dude, that's great... the brain persuasion test i took last week said i was a toss up between left and right brain thinker too... i'm just nuts i think =P... i think it's hilarious that most people i've had this discussion with automatically say i'm an extrovert when i very much consider myself an introvert... go figure

Looking at the letter "i", you chose "The dot is close to and directly above the stem". Dotting your "i" so close to the stem tells me you have a great eye for detail and a keen memory, too. I bet you never forget what people say to you and can recall it years later, especially..(blah blah blah)...

sometimes yes, and other times i'm the most oblivious person on earth =P

Oh boy... the letter "o"... this is a very insightful letter. When you picked "Exit loops on the right side", that told me you can be VERY secretive. As a matter of fact, the larger your inner loop, the more you tend to avoid giving complete and straight answers. You won't lie, but you won't just spout off information freely either. Your best defense is to answer questions with questions... "Would I say that?"

dude, not exactly that, but yeah... i think what most people get of me is real, but not at all what i consider "real" me. often i think when i come across as the most hyper and out of control is when i'm the most honestly bummed and/or frustrated about things (but not always!) or i come across as more quiet and reserved when i'm most content (but again not always). this habit of projecting the opposite makes me really hard to actually crack into i think, and only a few people ever are good at it. again, pretty sure i'm just nuts. =P

This is a great quality, because when I asked about the slant of the humps in the letters "m" and "n"... you clicked on "Downhill slant". This tells me that you can be very diplomatic in difficult situations. Diplomacy indicates that you can say things in a way that will not offend others.

dude, and this also means i obsess over every word i'm going to say about anything halfway serious.... maybe that's why i come across as insanely silly so much of the time... then i don't have to overanalyze every word before i say it. doht. =P

Excellent characteristic!!! When I asked about the shape of the tops of the humps in the letters "m" and "n", you chose "Vary between rounded and pointed". This is the best of both kind of thinkers. You can process information both in a cumulative/procedural fashion and also in a comprehensive/fast fashion. This means that you can adapt to the people around you. If you're with a slow talker, you can slow down and explain every detail. If you're talking to someone who only wants the "bottom-line", big picture facts, you can speed up your thinking.

maybe... but if this is true, again it means i'm just all mixed up and not decisively one thing or the other again! =P

This is an important trait! When I asked you how high the t-bar is crossed on the stem of the letter "t", you chose "Midway up the stem". This tells me that you set goals that are realistic, practical, and obtainable and that your self-esteem is good, but not super high. I would suspect you still have an aversion to taking too much of a risk and you'll hedge on the side of security.

The good news is your confidence is strong enough to leave a really bad situation and take those first key steps toward living your dreams. People that cross their "t's" in the upper middle are pragmatic and secure with themselves. But, there are still more dreams to achieve... so stretch yourself even more!

false. for a few reasons. (1) not much phases me, so if i want to do something, i make sure i do it sometime. in the past 12 months i've lived in eastern europe, the midwest, the south, and now the east coast, mostly just because i love to travel and purposefully am making an effort to see the world... i have a habit of just kinda picking up, going, and doing as i see fit. similar applys to non-travel things to do. (2) self esteem good but not super high? well, i disagree for varying reasons i won't go into at present, whatever, moving right along


When asked how the t-bar ends, you chose "Knife point toward the right". This tells me that you are a bit "sarcastic". You see, sarcasm is a wonderful means of defending your ego. Often this sarcasm comes out as a wry sense of humor. People love that.... (etc. etc. etc.)

heh, yeah

This is a great trait! Concerning your lower case t's, the last question deals with the TILT of the t-bar. You chose "Upward toward sky"... which tells me that you're optimistic, forward thinking, and a self-starter. Optimism is one key trait of successful and happy people. So, even if your life sucks today, you automatically assume that it will be better tomorrow!

i'm an optimist? how come i didn't know that? i'm a think-too-much-to-be-too-optimistic type person i'd say.

When I asked you if the first letter of your signature was larger than the other letters, you indicated that it was. This tells me you have a strong sense of who you are and a healthy "ego". I mean ego in a good way... it takes an expanded sense of self-importance to get things done and demand the world give you what you deserve.

So, your larger letters in your signature indicate a tendency to show the world your self-assured and confident side. The larger the letters... the stronger the ego. If you want to know your full self-image, re-read the section on where you cross your t-bar.

dude, sense of who i am yes... self-assured, not as much. but whatever, this is all fun and games, right?

=P

so that's what the "experts" have to say about me... go figure =P

ok, this is really not smart... up at 4:30 when i have a TON of work to do this weekend and i'm gonna end up pulling another series of near-all-nighters next week if i'm not careful!

really, good night!

boldog szent mikulas napot!

dude, i wonder if the grammar's any good up there... i'm missing a few accents, but that title *should* be "happy st. nicolas day!" in hungarian =)

indeed.

i wish i lived somewhere a little closer to my friends here... every year of college, my friend nicole would remind us to leave our shoes outside our doors for st. nick's day and she'd leave candy for us and a note. it was really cute and i always looked forward to it. last year, i was actually in hungary over st. nick's day and what i thought was the most awesome thing ever was how they celebrated. here in the US st. nick's day is kinda lost and the whole season from thanksgiving through christmas is shopping-mania and commercial the whole way though. in other places, and in my experience in hungary in particular, the commercial stuff w/ santa and all happens for st. nick's day on the 6th, and then christmas is kept sacred for jesus coming... no santa, since he's been out of the picture for nearly 3 weeks by then! that was the coolest ever.

all this is to say, happy st. nick's day to you all. i'm missing being able to do anything fun for it as i just have my one roommate, and pretty sure she'd be more confused by me than she already is if i told her she should leave her shoes outside her door before she goes to sleep. =P... and as usual, i miss nicole -- she was the coolest ever indeed. =P

ok, so on a less serious note, here's another chance to get points. =P
tell me what the following means (if you're clever this shouldn't be hard)
part A gets you 1 point, part B gets you 2, for a grand total of up to 3 points =P

(A) 03755, 08854, 08857, 15203, 15239, 16023, 19027, 19428, 21061, 27514, 29203, 29720, 32940, 33957, 38002, 38018, 38028, 38115, 38117, 38119, 38122, 38128, 38134, 38135, 38138, 38141, 38671, 43402, 43512, 45056, 46113, 46167, 46303, 46319, 46349, 46383, 46816, 49008, 50012, 53565, 55057, 55407, 55427, 55444, 60160, 60187, 60193, 60195, 60423, 60477, 60544, 60546, 60657, 60950, 60955, 63105, 77566, 80526, 82001, 84106, 97007, 97203, 98177

(B) 1033, 1035, 1063, 1134, 1525, 8110, 50100

good luck, and good night =P

on family mid-life crisises... =P

heh, what a way to phrase that... just got off the phone w/ my family. i'm not licensed to say more at present, but the next few months promise to be entertaining all around. pretty sure if we were added up to one person instead of the 4 of us, we'd qualify for "mid-life crisis" phase without question. man, being totally vague, but quote of the week, courtesy of dad. =P

"yeah, sometimes life is like a soap opera. when one crazy thing happens, you just gotta sit still and watch and wait for all the dominoes to fall before you do something else."

indeed, the end. =P

snow, snow, snow,... and then some MORE snow!

dude! so we have our first snowfall of the year here in NJ -- party indeed!

and like check out the current weather channel radar for the area:





it's gonna still be going for forever yet, and that's AWESOME! we've probably gotten 3 to 4 (maybe a hair more) inches today so far (it's been snowing non-stop since before i woke up at 11:30!) and they say another 2 to 4 tonight, 4 to 7 tomorrow, and another inch tomorrow night after that -- absolutely insane, but snow has to be my absolute favorite weather of all time! =)

i woke up today in time to shovel out my car and get to campus for pizza seminar.... was going to turn in my complex final to the prof. in his office but caught him just as he was leaving the building (any later and i woulda had to mail the durn thing to him... blah, so i cut it close!)

after that, scott wanted to go to his bank and i needed to go to mine -- this should be a 30 minute round trip on a normal day, but it took us a full 2 hours plus some to get there and back in the crazy weather and crazier traffic... after that, i caught up with eric for a quick dinner on campus and to go to an orchestra concert he wanted to go to, neither of us considering it would be cancelled in the snow, which of course it was... so that was another 45 minutes in the car, stopped by starbucks on the way home and sat for maybe half an hour, and finished our 40 minute drive back to campus... finally home (after another half an hour drive that normally takes 10 minutes!) and here i stay til tomorrow. =P

yay for snow anyhow =P

tomorrow going to see 42nd street on 42nd street in manhattan =P... should be fun =) in the meantime, i've absolutely tired myself out this week -- going to watch whatever my roommate has on the TV with her and finish writing my other 56 out of 100+ christmas cards until i fall asleep... sounds like fun, eh? =P

later

the vigil ends here

indeed. that less than 20 hours of sleep in the last dude, like 138 hours ends now. complex is done to the extent it's going to get done (23 sheets of paper front and back... dude....) and i'm exhausted.

now all that stands between me and finals is 60 some lie algebras problems, but they don't have a set due date yet, so i have time to put them off til tomorrow =P

yay and good night!

p.s. to anyone who's dealt with me at all this week, thanks a million for your patience =) you're all super cool!

christmas carol craziness

i'm losing my mind. i've slept 19.5 hours of the last like 131. tonight i'm guessing i'll be up til 4ish again because complex is due tomorrow. the only thing that's keeping me going is the occasional giant size cup of caffeine i'm giving myself like every 6 hours... venti white chocolate peppermint mocha at 5ish means i'm due for some hot cider again soon.

i think i'm driving the people crazy too. i feel like my life is out of control this semester, and now that it's all sped up for finals and stuff i've gone a little out of control too. this is a different topic for either later or when i'm more awake. on a lighter note, hark the title for this entry... i just got back from dinner with the people and since i had left my complex homework/final at home, i wrote messed up christmas carols about the people while they cooked and/or worked around me (i helped a little with the cooking too, so i wasn't a *total* gimp). here are the ones i wrote as best as i can remember... enjoy =P

joy to the world, colleen's so cool
don't think so? you're a fool!
she's oh so smart, and oh so fun!
i'm glad that she's my friend
i'm glad that she's my friend
i'm glad, i'm glad that she's my friend

jingle bells, jingle bells
leigh is super cool
she sings christmas songs with me
and drinks starbucks round the yule
jingle bells, jingle bells
leigh's my friend, it's true
she's super smart and super nice
hanging with her's a blast too

hark the herald pizzas sing
scott's got a cell phone that rings
his soul is black but turning blue
he's learning trivia 'bout italian food
homework, he can do a lot
but about computers he knows naught
hark the herald pizzas sing
scott's got a cell phone that rings

...and the all time best one (for now)...

eric the red-nosed grad student
had a very shiny coat
and if you ever saw it
you would even say it glows
all of the other grad students
wanted some of eric's brains
they never let poor eric
skip out of any homework games
then one windy Jersey eve
Sussmann came to say
"eric with your brain so big,
here's an A for you, and a fig"
then how the professors loved him
and they shouted out with glee,
"eric the red-nosed grad student,
you'll soon be a Ph.D.!"

dude... as you laugh away, you can just see my brain cells rotting away from lack of sleep... complex time. later.

let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

piscataway, NJ forecast as per www.weather.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fri Dec 05 -- Snow -- 37°F/27°C -- 70 % precipitation

Sat Dec 06 -- Snow / Wind -- 35°F/21°C -- 60 % precipitation

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

snow???, potentially 2 days in a row??? i know no one who gets excited about such things at all =)... do you? =P

an ode to hot drinks

it's amazing how much power a nice mug of hot drink has.

be it mocha, espresso, plain black coffee, cappuccino, cocoa, cider, tea, you name it.

(1) hot drinks are wonderfully yummy cups of happiness... i've never met a hot drink i didn't like, or that i couldn't modify with milk and/or sugar so that i did.

(2) hot drinks are generally so full of sugar and/or caffeine they give you the energy you're lacking just when you need it, and that's great, but even better...

(3) hot drinks are a source of security.
i've slept 15 hours of the past 96 (less than 4 hours per night for the last 4 nights), and the next two nights aren't looking much better. i have so much homework to do before the semester ends that i don't know if it's humanly possible to finish it all if i were able to go without sleep and not be running on caffeine for the week, and my semester ends with a final for a class that i'm pretty sure i have one of the lowest 2 or 3 grades in for the term to date, and it's all a bit overwhelming, but i find it absolutely amazing that i can get home exhausted, having been in class and/or doing homework pretty much for the last 14 hours straight, ready to collapse, but 10 minutes later with a large fresh mug full of hot honey vanilla apple cider, it's all ok, and i'm good to go again.

ah, the power of hot drinks

the end. =)

duuuuuuuuuuuude...

15 = cumulative hours of sleep since saturday
24 = number of math problems i've solved between saturday and now (7 complex analysis, 5 real analysis, and 9 algebra)
15 = number of math problems i need to solve in the next 48 hours (10 complex analysis, and 5 algebra)

and yeah....
this about sums it up:
lkp 42 42 42: i'm going to spontaneously explode and you're not
davrbeagle: but you solved that analysis problem
lkp 42 42 42: and then found out i didn't and then resolved it
davrbeagle: well, that's good
lkp 42 42 42: indeed
davrbeagle: so why are you going to spontaneously excplode?
lkp 42 42 42: because i have slept a total of 15 hours since saturday
davrbeagle: oh
davrbeagle: that'd do it
lkp 42 42 42: and i have more work to do in the next two days than i've accomplished since saturday mostly working nonstop
davrbeagle: that sounds like lots of fun
lkp 42 42 42: and that's not counting the class i'm 62 problems behind on
lkp 42 42 42: so after friday i still have a ton of junk to do
davrbeagle: sounds like you'll at least be kept out of trouble
lkp 42 42 42: i'm never in trouble
davrbeagle: because you never get caught
lkp 42 42 42: but this makes me more prone to caffeine drinking spurts
lkp 42 42 42: which makes me crazy and in trouble
davrbeagle: ah, true
lkp 42 42 42: 2nd worst caffeine high of the year was night before last
lkp 42 42 42: the people laughed a lot
davrbeagle: at least you still bring amusement wherever you go
lkp 42 42 42: i know but that's not always good
davrbeagle: why not?
lkp 42 42 42: because sometimes that means i'm bringing amusement becauise i'm not in control of myself (i.e. high on caffeine)
lkp 42 42 42: and that's not good
davrbeagle: oh, ok. I can see how that would be bad
lkp 42 42 42: after a caffeine high i remember the previous day only vaguely and have a horrible headache the next day
lkp 42 42 42: it's kinda like some people on a hangover after drinking alcohol
lkp 42 42 42: i have a caffeine blackout after enough caffeine
davrbeagle: wow
lkp 42 42 42: yeah
davrbeagle: and you keep having that much of it?
lkp 42 42 42: the people laugh and wonder why it affects me so drastically
lkp 42 42 42: well, i did one of these in septemer and one this week
lkp 42 42 42: i just get a starbucks or something... am still working later and like a 20oz coke sounds good
lkp 42 42 42: then maybe get something else even later
lkp 42 42 42: and all the sudden out of nowhere i'm typing like 160 word per minute and bouncing so that i can't sit still enough to work and telling everyone else they look lethargic
lkp 42 42 42: and just completely off the wall
lkp 42 42 42: you can pinpoint the 5 minute time period where it kicks in
lkp 42 42 42: and i just accelerate from there for awhile until i crash and feel like crap in the AM

kinda makes you wish you were me, eh? i'm fired. =P

...and then they unrejoiced, and then perhaps moderately cheered up and went to sleep

yeah... victory party of the last entry was relatively short-lived. after i had explained my solution to several people who all said they were convinced, john and sam found a hole in it, even after they had been convinced awhile...

after much more doodling, i came up with attempt 2, but who knows... sam approves for now, with the coda, "even if there was a subtle mistake, i don't think he'd catch it. that's about what i'm thinking with my work." so there it goes.

it's amazing how excited i got over solving that like 1/4 a problem... or at least thinking i did... figuring out something after forever of working on it gives a real sense of accomplishment, and really math is beautiful... i guess that's another reason i get so distressed over analysis... it's honestly been like since september since i had a revelation for that class and finished a problem on my own, without help or hints, that required some thought behind it. other classes are better for that for me, but dude, what a semester it's been... i know there's plenty that's happened in the last few months besides math stuff to make my life just a bit crazy, but still... ok, me and my current take on what i'm doing with my life is a novel and a half, and not one to be written at 3am. we'll save that for another day =P

good night!

and then the people rejoiced!!!!

.... rejoiced indeed because maybe lara's not quite as dumb as she's been convinced she is lately... =P

background: analysis is my worst class... i just have a harder time seeing solutions in there than in other classes... no one else in the class, including the people who generally do quite brilliantly on it, had figured out the last problem on tomorrow's homework, until... just now:

me: hey sam, did you ever get 1 < a < 2 for the last analysis problem?
me: i have an idea, and i've convinced leigh, but we want to run it by at least one more person before we write it up
sam: no, i never got it.
sam: what's up?
me: look here: (insert random link) and tell me what you think
me: i figured scanning scratch paper is easier than typing integrals and stuff in IM =P
sam: definitely
sam: john and i think this works!
me: awesome!
me: i did part of an analysis problem!
me: (personal victory of the semester =) )
sam: very nice
me: ok, so we have it
me: now to write that problem up and then back to algebra and complex... joy
me: thanks for looking that over
me: ttyl
sam: bye

do freakin dah

back to work

snow flurries for the people, and math homework for me

it's SNOW FLURRYING outside!!!! not a ton... just like the occasional bunch of styrafoam-like pieces floating through the air on occasion, but nonetheless... yay!

how am i today? way excited about the snow, but 2 words: caffeine hangover... it's a shame that when caffeine has the drastic effect on someone like it does on me (see last night's post =P), it doesn't last... it just leaves you the next morning a complete grump with a major headache and lots of people remembering dumb things you said and did that you're a little vague on... oops

but hey, it's SNOWing! that counts for something =)

song of the moment

Dorothy moves to click her ruby shoes
Right in tune with dark side of the moon
Someone, someone could tell me
Where I belong
Be calm, be brave, it'll be okay

No more messing around and living underground
And new year's resolutions
By this time next year I won't be here
I turn on MTV, the volume's down
Lips move, they say
It'll be okay

To tell you the truth, I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
One last time these words from me
I'm never saying them again
and I shut the light
and listen as my watch unwinds

Voices calling from a yellow road
To come downstairs and say hello
Don't be shy, just say hello

To tell you the truth, I've said it before
Tomorrow I start in a new direction
I know I've been half-asleep
I'm never doing that again

I look straight at what's coming ahead
and soon its going to change in a new direction
Every night as I'm falling asleep
These words repeated in my head...

(~guster)

caffeine is a drug, and i'm living proof

thought #1
(23:19:22) me: can you tell i'm on another notorious caffenie high
(23:19:27) steve klee: hey i am too!
(23:19:34) me: venti mocha, 20 oz vanilla coke and large hot cocoa in the last 3 hours
(23:19:35) steve: i just had a pot of coffee
(23:19:36) me: woah!
(23:19:55) me: you're the coolest ever steve klee!
(23:20:07) steve: i do what i can :-)

thought #2
i just saw a falling star for the first time E-VER!

thought #3
too much caffeine in my system -- too much to sit still and concentrate on my massive to do list, too much to sleep either... this can't be good

in conclusion:
me: dude
scott: dude indeed

a little twisted

contemporary social problem of the day: creepy old men who like to whistle

this doesn't sound like your typical contemporary social problem, but in fact it is. at least 3 times today i've encountered creepy looking older men whistling christmas tunes quite loudly, be it crossing paths in a campus parking lot, sitting at the next table over in starbucks, or well i guess being on campus and in starbucks sums up my day so far, so pretty sure #3 must also have been on campus.

all 3 answer to the decription of late 50s/early 60s, greasy, with long gray hair... none of them were whistling in tune, and all of them were whistling christmas songs... mostly sheer coincidence, but kinda strange all the same... i guess creepy would be if it was the same greasy old not-whistling-in-tune man every time =P

blah

back to math

3 points for the people

dude, two classes down today, one to go...

prof #1: "so, i don't think i'll finish all the stuff i want to cover this semester in the two class periods i have left. let's have an extra class wednesday at 4:30, ok?"

prof #2: "so there are two options... we can have a final, or we can not have a final... which do you prefer?.... ok, majority seems to be voting for no final, so i guess that's that. less grading for me!" =)

guess who i like better today.

death by math homework... that's a new one

joy -- 8 days left of class, and somehow all my work seems to have avalanched on me... the numbers on the countdown in the margin are going down, but slowly... accomplishments of the day? 1 analysis problem, 4.5 algebra problems, and 23 christmas cards written. man... sad thing is i did the 23 christmas cards in just a small fraction of the time everything else took... patience... that's the word of the week... i don't think i'm gonna have much left in a few days, but i'll try =P

the quote of the week: "i'd rather die of exhaustion than boredom"... true indeed... but it would be nice if the exhaustion was a little more self directed than insanely long homework assignments... maaaan...

ok, no more complaining... sleep time.. stay tuned to watch and see me spontaneously explode and/or go crazy by friday! =P

round and round....

song of the day:

Round and round and round and round
Round and round and round and round

History sits and she tells her stories
Bitter and twisted without power
Sitting watching feeding her jealous mouth
The future looks back to learn her lessons
Memories fade while experience beckons
I'm caught in the middle which way should I go

This generation is full of religion
Fed up with a diet of nothing
Give me the real thing flowing through my veins
This is the day, this is the hour
Show me the truth cause I want to be blinded
I wanna run, which way should I go

Gravity's pulling me, but heaven is calling me and
My head's spinning the world's twisted
My head's twisted the world's spinning
My head's spinning the world's twisted
My head's twisted the world's spinning round,
around

~deliriou5?

control-freak(ing)-out-ness

i like feeling i'm in control of at least a small part of my life. even that's not an easy thing to do. i can't make my dad get along w/ me and vice versa. i can't make g-ma better. i can't do lots. i think that's why i like driving. i'm in charge of the car, the music, the scenery, the route, and it's a break from reality. it's a good thing.

i'm not in control of my classes... i've been loosely following but having some issues with some details in lie algebras for awhile... i'm about 4 chapters behind on the homework problems too... expecting he'll want them last day of class... this is bad.

i'm not in control of complex analysis... mostly because the "midterm" we have due next week is the first long involved assignment he's given in like a month and a half, and took forever to get original stuff back to us... b/c of that, i didn't put as much time into studying it, and now i feel behind in there too... oops... this is bad.

i'm not in control of real analysis... my homeworks are crummy, my midterm was crummy... i'm just hoping i pass... i've been trying, he's told me he sees very good improvement over the semester, but is still concerned about my level of understanding... my mind just has a hard time thinking like an analyst, so sue me.

algebra,... algebra is my friend. at least that much is true... and hopefully next semester graph theory will still be my best friend of a class like it was in undergrad.

mostly now that i'm sitting still and looking ahead to the last week and a half of classes, i have no idea how i'm going to pull it all off... blah.

so you know what i can be in control of? christmas cards... 5 down, 95 to go. this is something i can do and be done with by monday and be proud of. =) shouldbe doing homework, but um... yeah... just for me, i need to feel like i'm working on something i'm not already starting 4200 miles behind on. math time resumes tomorrow.

night.

family fun time

back in jersey after a relatively eventful few days in pittsburgh.

wednesday was long, but uneventful. i woke up at 4am, left my apartment a little before 5am, drove eric to the newark airport and took of straight from there for pittsburgh, got in around 11:30am... easy drive and beautiful weather. i stayed with mom's younger sister priscilla and her family for the weekend, in addition to my uncle and two cousins, they have 6 parrots, 2 dogs, a cat, a fish, and a rabbit... i was roommates with the rabbit for the week... he runs races around his cage around 5am every day and is good at trying to escape =P

thursday was obviously thanksgiving... my mom and brother drove up from TN on wednesday, and my cousin heather (not one of aunt priscilla's kids) came over for a bit to visit too (she lives in pittsburgh too)... we all had thanksgiving dinner at roy (my step-grandpa)'s apartment, and then went to visit w/ g-ma in the nursing home... i always tell myself she's a little slower each time b/c she's tired or something, but her memory is definitely gradually declining and that's weird and hard... she's still her, still knows us, still has a good sense of humor and is interested in what we're up to, but she's ready to "go home", is bored, is depressed, is frustrated, and is slipping that it's harder and harder to have a real conversation with her that involves more than yes/no, lots of waiting, and short half sentence answers.

the main reason mom and my brother were up is that my step g-pa has been worried that someone should sort through g-ma's stuff in storage since she'll never be in shape to go down and sort through it, so most of the weekend was spent doing that... it's kinda weird b/c this is the kind of thing you'd think you'd be doing after she's gone, but mom, ryan, and i worked for quite some time... she had like 40 filing boxes full of stuff somewhat sorted that goes back for generations before her... i enjoyed reading christmas letters from my great grandparents over the span of 30-40 years... looking through old pictures and stuff that belonged to my uncle jonathan (mom's little brother, died of cancer at age 6) and reading my grandparents' and great-grandparents' baby books. we found my great-grandpa's diploma from when he graduated from seminary in 1922 with copies in latin and in german too! i took most of the old books to distribute to people i thought would appreciate and mom and ryan took a lot of the general misc. since he's working on genealogy research... it was interesting but a lot of work!

yesterday was g-ma's 75th birthday, even though she insisted she was turning 88 and felt like 100. we read her baby book to her and poems she had written in high school and her high school yearbook (one of her nicknames was "math whiz" -- apparently i come by it a little more honestly than i thought =P).

it was a good time... just strange w/ g-ma... like to illustrate her mind going, she insisted i take her for a stroll in her wheelchair on thursday afternoon, which is fine and normal, but insisted we were going "to the door". so she had me push her down the hallway. when we got to the glass door with a nice view i though she was talking about she told me to keep going down the hall and gave me definite directions at each turn until she finally led us to a dead end in the hallway, farther into the building than i've ever been before that just faced a plan solid window-less fire escape door... i told her there was nothing to see and i was going to take her back to her section of the building or at least that direction, she looked confused, and muttered something about tissues and looked distressed when i got her back near the rest of the family.

apparently friday, while mom ryan and i were going through storage and aunt pris was decorating g-ma's room for christmas, g-ma kept asking where ryan and priscilla were instead of kris (mom) and ryan... and priscilla kept telling her that *she* was priscilla and ryan and kris would be back later... when priscilla told her bye and that she was off to find me for lunch, g-ma said "oh, look for lara at the door at the end of the hall".

aunt pris also says that a few times (she comes to visit g-ma every sunday since she lives in town) g-ma's also gotten really upset when she's brought her back to her room and insisted the nurses moved all her stuff and that her room isn't hers... the nurses come by and tell her she's joking and should be nice, but g-ma has really gotten upset some of the time...

when she first had her strokes i was really upset and not dealing well with it... now that i've come more to terms with where she is, it's hard but i've somewhat adjusted to where she's at now... it's just hard to see her go downhill so noticeably in just 3 months, that yeah... end of thought... it's getting dark and i have tons of stuff i inherited from storage to get out of my car and up to my room.

later people!

you never know just...

song in my head for the past 2 days:

Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain
Then he lost his leg in Dallas
He was dancing with a train
They were all in love with dyin'
They were drinking from a fountain
That was pouring like an avalanche
Coming down the mountain

Some will die in hot pursuit
In fiery auto crashes
Some will die in hot pursuit
while sifting thru my ashes
Some will fall in love with life
and drink it from a fountain
that is pouring like an avalanche
coming down the mountain

I don't mind the sun sometimes
the images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
and smell you in my clothes
Cinammon and sugary
and softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
through other peoples eyes

my insanity quotient =P

from Mind Media Brain Persuasion Test

Your Brain Usage Profile

Auditory : 30%
Visual : 69%
Left : 47%
Right : 52%

l, you exhibit an even balance between left- and right- hemisphere dominance and a slight preference for visual over auditory processing. With a score this balanced, it is likely that you would have slightly different results each time you complete this self-assessment quiz.

You are a well-rounded person, distinctly individualistic and artistic, an active and multidimensional learner. At the same time, you are logical and disciplined, can operate well within an organization, and are sensitive towards others without losing objectivity. You are organized and goal-directed. Although a "thinking" individual, you "take in" entire situations readily and can act on intuition.

You sometimes tend to vacillate in your learning styles. Learning might take you longer than someone of equal intellect, but you will tend to be more thorough and retain the material longer than those other individuals. You will alternate between logic and impulse. This vacillation will not normally be intentional or deliberate, so you may experience anxiety in situations where you are not certain which aspect of yourself will be called on.

With a slight preference for visual processing, you tend to be encompassing in your perceptions, process along multidimensional paths and be active in your attacking of situations or learning.

Overall, you should feel content with your life and yourself. You are, perhaps, a little too critical of yourself -- and of others -- while maintaining an "openness" which tempers that tendency. Indecisiveness is a problem and your creativity may not be in keeping with your potential. Being a pragmatist, you downplay this aspect of yourself and focus on the more immediate, obvious and the more functional.

errrrrrrrgh

pet peave: people who park so close to the driver's side of your car, you can't even open the door wide enough to throw your purse in.... not a good start to the day when i'm already running late for class and have to climb in through the passenger's side to get in my car!

money just spent on christmas stamps: $42.60 (how did i get to know so many people???)... see if you can tell how many US stamps i bought ($0.37), and how many international stamps ($0.80)... first one w/ the right answer wins 2 points =P