hello wednesday!

good morning!

let it be known, today is the first day in over two weeks that i didn't have to set an alarm to tell me when to get up... this is the first night in two weeks that i got enough sleep!... this makes me happy.

what makes me even happier? look at that to do list in the margin... see the next due date? monday... that's a whole 5 days away! this means that while i could start homework tonight, i also have the option of chilling for a little and catching up with my life, which seems to have gotten out of my control lately... i like knowing that i have time to breathe again!

know what's even better? look at the "exciting upcoming events" list in the margin too! there's something there again... and it's even better than just having something there... due to crazy schedules, jessica and me haven't gotten to hang out since january... we finally have plans and they're fun ones... we're going to hang out at philly's italian market that saturday, get fun stuff, and make it into a party. =) i'm excited. =)

as eric keeps saying... just 4.5 more weeks of this torture til summer break... 4.5... i think i can handle that. =)

happy wednesday to all y'all!

pros and cons

so, just spent 4+ hours working on analysis in the graduate lounge with leigh, colleen, scott, and eric... and before that a couple with leigh and colleen, and inbetween a couple hours just by myself... got 3/4 problems figured out and i'm just writing up crap for the last one...

when it was just leigh, me, and eric, i worked well with leigh and got things done... eric's been stressed and kinda sour all week on account of the talk he's giving friday in number theory seminar... so when scott and colleen showed up to work on the last problem and i got confused i went to the table eric was working at and we started to discuss the problems i had done with leigh that he hadn't done yet... and inbetween instead of paying attention to what everyone else was trying to solve, we goofed off and laughed a lot.

one silly thing we did was we made pros and cons lists of being in grad school... i started to fill out the cons side, and then eric took the sheet and wrote out the pros side for me... his list went like this:
eric
learning
eric
cool people
intellectual stimulation
eric
pizza seminar
eric
couch in the common room
career advancement
eric
new york
graph theory
eric
chuck (our grad director)
eric

given, eric's a little (i take that back... a LOT) in a very weird mood this week, but we both laughed our heads off once he gave me back the list.

anyhow, so apparently i have pizza, career advancement, and eric as reasons to be here... forget math tonight though, i'm watching what i recorded of scrubs and going to sleep. night.

i'm fast =)

this morning, between classes i was catching up on emails in the office when sam came in... he just stopped still and stared at me for a minute, and then when i was like "dude, what?", he responded "wow, you type fast... how many words per minute is that???"

i had no idea, but i just researched average typing speeds and found an article analyzing 4000 random people that claims the average person can type around 40WPM (words per minute) and most people just don't have the manual dexterity to "wiggle their fingers" faster than 50WPM... i'm not sure if i agree with that in general, or i just have friends who can type fast from having to type lots of papers in general over the years... either way...

so, then, i went to www.typingtest.com to see how fast i could go... first i did a 1 minute test and got 79words per minute raw score, scaled down to 76 when you account for typos i made... then i did a 3 minute test and got 85 wpm raw, 82 with errors... either way that's pretty darn good no matter how you slice it. so yeah, my fingers go fast i guess.

the end. if you're bored... take the typing test and leave me a comment how fast you can go for comparison. =P

random analogy

forgot about this til just now... anonymous quote:

"the way you serve your personality is like a bad egg souffle... like say you make a souffle but goof up and put in waaay too much onion, and you know it, so you add lots of salt and stuff to make it better... then the darn thing tastes good, and you have a good personality... but instead of just starting over and trying to do it with less onion you just work with that's there... it's a bad souffle man."... (in this really weird analogy apparently onions are being worried and paranoid and salt is being humorous... go figure)... at any rate, i have omelet on the mind now... wonder where i could get a good one (i don't feel like buying a carton of eggs for one decent omelet)

the end. gave up on homework, i'm going to sleep.

i don't understand...

i don't understand lots of things... math, for example... jessica and i are chatting and she made the observation that math grad school sounds to her like some sort of boot camp complete with first year hazing ritual (i.e. the insane combination of classes i'm in at present) in some ways i guess it feels like it.... but why is that necessary. we feel humble, we know we have a lot to learn... this is ridiculous, but we keep going because we've made it this far and we're all kinda in it together.

another thing i don't understand... my roommate... i start washing the dishes in the sink because i'm cooking some soup since i'll be up for awhile yet... i go back in my room a sec to grab another cup or two that have been sitting on my bookcase full of water, and return and she's washing dishes instead... (not weird), but either laughing or crying (can't tell which) louder and louder as she goes... *that* i don't get... oh well.

ok, enough disjointed rambling... i'm going to work on graph theory... oh yeah... current away message: enjoy =P

what classic eric phrase perfectly completes all 4 of the following sentences?
(1) homework is a _________.
(2) math grad school is perfectly designed to make you feel like a ________.
(3) the fact that i haven't really slept enough in over a week and a half is a _________.
(4) the fact that _______ is now in my vocabulary is "unbecoming" and probably just another ______.




If you guessed "piece of crap", you win... doing homework until insanely late again most likely., leave a message.

gettin there...

dude, what a day... woke up at 6:30 because of a stupid woodpecker attacking the outside wall of my building just above amanda's bedroom window... just as you drift back to sleep the stupid bird started up again... blah!

it's been an interesting day... usually monday consists of class, lunch, homework, other class, but today i caught trevor and mike in the office and they helped with all but one graph theory problem that i didn't have and then sarah (2nd year student i've not been around much) suggested since we were both going to lunch we might as well go together so we did... she's been having a crappy year too... her mom's diabetic and having all kinds of health issues and is in and out of the hospital a lot... so we spent an hour commiserating on intense stress levels of dealing with school and other stuff and whatever else and just chatted for a bit... she commented that she hadn't really talked to any other students since spring break so it was good to feel human for a bit.... i don't know how i would have made it this far without lots of encouragement from other students, so yeah... the end... it was an interesting chat and i'm glad we had it.

almost analysis time... blah.

later

p.s.

i made jello today for the first time in years... it's orange... it makes me happy. yay jello. now goodnight.

reassurance

eric and me redeemed our full sub club cards for dinner at subway tonight... $1.26 for a drink and a 6-inch sandwich isn't a bad deal at all =)

been working mostly otherwise... did have a very helpful conversation on IM while i worked though... with ben, one of the 2nd years around here who likes to hang out with us little people:

...
lkp4242: i've officially earned the title of village psycho-case :-P
PeaceFrog3333: Lol, from what you told me, I can totally understand. Well, as far as I'm concerned, you were totally justified in your "psycho-case-ness"
lkp4242: did i appear to be a psycho-case on friday?
PeaceFrog3333: not at all. You seemed to be actually in good spirits
lkp4242: that's excelltn
PeaceFrog3333: :-)
lkp4242: eric said if you witnessed thursday night then the fact that i was about to punch someone was evident throughout my pizza talk
lkp4242: but hopefully not otherwise =P
lkp4242: go me
PeaceFrog3333: really...I thought that your talks was one of the best myself. I'm now worried about competition for best pizza seminar. Yeah, I'll be around this next weekend.
lkp4242: excellent
lkp4242: you think the chocolate earned me points? =P
lkp4242: telling kia he had to earn them seemed to keep him under control ;-)
PeaceFrog3333: Absolutely! That was a fabulous touch. Hahahahaha.

so yay for pizza talk... what about the "will i ever survive this program?" question.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lkp4242: so new topic: does the feeling of being completely incompetant around here ever go away?
lkp4242: =P
PeaceFrog3333: I don't really know. I'll let you know if I ever feel totally competant
lkp4242: other than the rocket scientist (e.g sam) types :-P, have you met any who do?
PeaceFrog3333: Chris...although he's another rocket scientist
lkp4242: ok =)
PeaceFrog3333: Kia, although, again
lkp4242: yeah, kia's kia
PeaceFrog3333: yeah, I think once the first year courses and written qual are over, it's easier. You can relax a little bit more
lkp4242: no mostly, it's just hard to reconcile getting back papers with very low percentages on them and feeling like i'm accomplishing anything by being here... i just keep looking for evidence i'm not in that boat by myself =P
lkp4242: ok, here's a question
lkp4242: people have been hypothesizing
PeaceFrog3333: hypothesizing eh?
PeaceFrog3333: If I'd kept them, I'd show you some of the weird scores our class got
PeaceFrog3333: Some were VERY very low
lkp4242: there's one camp of thought that says the quals are going to be completely crappy and kick our butts unless we find a way to input large chunks of folland/hungerford/etc directly into our heads.... and we're not managing to do it yet so we're basically screwed
then, there's another camp saying the first year classes are meant to be insanely fast paced so the "analysis people" get lots of analysis and the rest hopefully catch on to something there and there, similarly for algera, and so while quals won't be a piece of cake there's the possibility of sucking at the first year classes but still being capable of passing
lkp4242: which would you say is more accurate from personal experience?
lkp4242: or is that just an insanely bizarrely-phrased question?
PeaceFrog3333: wow, that's quite a mouth full. Let's see. I do believe that the first year courses are totally meant to cram a crap-load of information into your heads, most of which you won't be able to recover without a reference. For example, I don't think anyone will remember the proofs from the last Algebra test. But I think that everyone in your class will pass the quals, because the quals have a large mix of Analysis and Algebra in general. If you heard otherwise, it was probably from our year, where we had way too much Analysis, and not enough Algebra.
PeaceFrog3333: And I'm sure that the department recognized that that was an issue for our year
lkp4242: so maybe the second hypothesis isn't complete crap?
PeaceFrog3333: It is actually my viewpoint almost to a tee
lkp4242: see when i feel like complaining, i know what responses i'll get from who, so if i want a commisserator, i complain to someone from camp 1,... if i want someone to say "dude, lara, there will be better days... they wouldn't have let you in if they didn't have some faith in you" i talk to someone from camp 2
lkp4242: i'll have to let eric and trevor (camp 2) know =)
lkp4242: scott's the predominant voice in camp 1
PeaceFrog3333: Lol, yeah, that sounds about right. I think both parties will agree that everyone has a great chance of passing on the first try, and I'm positive that everyone will pass by the second either way. I don't think Scott is aware of how ready he already is for the quals.
lkp4242: i think scott's a lot more ready than me, but he seems to feel we
lkp4242: 'll all fail
lkp4242: so i add you to camp 2 now... as an old wise, post-quals 2nd year =)
PeaceFrog3333: Don't believe him for a second. If you study as much for the qual as you do for your other classes, you'll pass. Old maybe...wise??? Hmmmm. :-)

...and in random stuff...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
PeaceFrog3333: Well, you are welcome to throw the aerobie into my head repeatedly until your fear is gone. It does not hurt because it is rubbery.
lkp4242: ok, good deal
lkp4242: i might consider that stress relief
lkp4242: on the other hand
lkp4242: i looooove kicking kickballs around
lkp4242: i have one
lkp4242: i used to play kickball in my dorm hallways at undergrad and knock out lights
lkp4242: it was great
PeaceFrog3333: really....you might have to get some people together to play! I'll gladly join when I can. Don't break lights though, unless you blame it on someone else.
lkp4242: heh
lkp4242: mostly i just like kicking the ball
lkp4242: not necessarily the game with bases and all
lkp4242: i don't like having it thrown at me
lkp4242: i just like kicking it as far and high as i can
PeaceFrog3333: Well, we have a big courtyard, and I've never kicked it high enough to clear Hill, so .... :-)
lkp4242: heh =P
lkp4242: that'll be my new goal
lkp4242: although i'd be incredibly sad if it got stuck on top
lkp4242: my kickball is yellow with a smiley face on it =)
PeaceFrog3333: Okay, wow! Then I'll make a point of doing everything I can to help you recover it if it gets stuck on the roof.
lkp4242: imight just have to purchase a separate roofaiming kickball =P
lkp4242: =)
PeaceFrog3333: YES!
PeaceFrog3333: That's a GREAT idea!
lkp4242: dude, a 7 story kick, that would be great
lkp4242: i remember the emails about 4square being problematic to the office people
lkp4242: imagine windows getting clobbered on the initial attempts
lkp4242: it would be great!
PeaceFrog3333: Oh yes! We just have to play at a time when nobody would care (late night or weekend)
lkp4242: play kick the kickball over the hill? heh
lkp4242: that's a great new game!
PeaceFrog3333: hahhahahah, yes!

the end of enlightenment via ben... i'm going to sleep

i love my friends

so it's been an aggravating day mathematically... i woke up realizing one of the 2 graph theory problems i'd solved so far was wrong, and haven't patched it up yet... however i think i just solved a different one, which is good.

on the other hand, i've spent some catch up on calling people time this afternoon... talked to heather schaefer, brother, and memphis jenny on the phone and various and sundry others on IM before getting to work.

(1) neighborest heather helped me make devious plans for an upcoming exciting trip... just wonder about that one for a bit =P
(2) brother told me that he thinks this potential cleveland thing with the parents would be really good for them, but whether it happens or not (completely in the air for now... dad's in a pool of candidates for this job there, and not guaranteed it yet, mom needs to be around at least through the 2004-2005 school year for accredidation where she's at), that he (brother) would stay located in memphis. i don't know why that's completely reassuring but it is... now that i'm far away and independent from the family it's still nice to know they're still where they've always been... at least in some small fraction, even if big changes happen, it makes me happy that brother plans to stay put.
(3) jenny relates to me on stress and makes me feel like i'm not losing my mind! she's sending me stuff to make my own sushi (not veggies and seafood... the special rice and mats and seaweed)... i'm excited =P

so yeah, those and other reasons... it's just reaffirming to chat with people and to laugh with them. =) ... and not be spazzing 24/7... major yay for that!=)

quote i stole from another friend's blog =P

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. -Bertrand Russell, philosopher, mathematician, author, Nobel laureate (1872-1970)

i like rice pudding. =)

i really do! i'd been really close to broke for the past week though so my share of the kitchen had been pretty bare and i'd been living off of canned carrots and soup mostly for the past week. yesterday was payday, today i went mega grocery shopping, and now i have rice pudding again.

things are looking sooooo incredibly much better now than say, 48 hours ago. it's amazing how much difference a day or two makes. it slightly worries me how drastically i respond to stress lately. i'm not sure if that's because of buildup over time or what. i don't remember having that much of a cow over lots to do before, but so be it. i'm definitely feeling more myself and more ok with things now, which is good.

i solved 2 graph theory problems today and already typed them up... this makes me happy... that means there's 4 more to go by tuesday, which is good because if i can get this much done tomorrow and this much done again monday, i'm good and don't have to pull an allnighter again!

ron's over here... he and amanda are watching one of the basketball games... (pretty sure OK/st. joe) it's funny b/c he's yelling at the game and having a cow and making all sorts of typical "really into the game" sound effects, while amanda's yelling at him and telling him he's drunk (when dude, she's the one slurring, not him)... he went to the other room for a second for a drink or something and she started screaming at the TV, and he ran out going "what's going on? what happened? what happened?" and she started laughing so hard.... apparently she screamed just to freak him out, and nothing had really happened... i'd never heard ron yell *that* loud before... so yeah, i'm doing my HW, and have my own live entertainment of listening to them scream all evening... joy. =P

in 2 hours it looks like i'm on a ferry hunt b/c there's waaaaay too many clouds for stars... unfortunate.... at least i have fun alternate plans =P

john conway -- duuuude

if think you're unaware of who john conway is, you probably are still familiar with something or another about him... he's the guy who invented the game of life... you know with dots on a computer screen that disappear and reappear depending on how many neighboring dots were there on the screen before... at least you should know. =P check out this link: http://www.math.com/students/wonders/life/life.html

so anyhow, today was the NJ MAA (mathematical association of america) meeting and it was here at rutgers... one of the nice things about the NJ sectional meeting (i've gone to Indiana section meetings the past 4 years as an undergrad) is that princeton university is involved (princeton is like *the* capital of mathematics in the US... if you get a job there or by some miracle get into there for grad school you're definitely one of the top people in the field), so some of the speakers who are there every year are phenominally famous people.

anyhow, john conway was talking this afternoon and eric pointed it out and suggested we go, so i gladly did. conway's famous for tons more than even the game of life, he's just an amazing guy in general.

so yeah, he's talking giving his lecture and introducing what he calls lexicodes and writes up "the great lexicode theorem" commenting "well, i've never called it 'great' before... that's interesting"... started to show some examples of how his theorem works and the second example just plain doesn't work! people are looking at him funny, and he comments "wow, this statement couldn't be any more false! i guess it should be the 'great lexicode non-theorem'... well that's interesting... usually when i write something on the board it just turns out to be right... you don't get to be john conway by writing non-theorems!" and everyone's looking around going "dude, i sure hope this is part of the plan"... of course it was... the theorem evolved from a theorem to a non-theorem to a question to an axiom to a definition to a mystery over the course of the hour.

much later, after spending most of his lecture describing this crazy algebra system generated by his lexicodes he commented "and the day i finally proved 4 times 4 is 6... oh wow! it was one of those moments you just have to lie down (lies down on his back on the floor in front of a packed lecture hall and starts waving his arms and legs wildly in the air) and wave as many apendages as you can in excitement!"

dude, what a talk. first of all conway's incredibly famous and i was in the 4th row, second of all he's an incredibly funny and engaging speaker, and 3rd it was an incredibly intriguing subject he was talking on... i enjoyed it a lot.

dude, so now i've done 1/6 on graph theory -- this is majorly exciting!

it's also eric's birthday (he's just turning 22 now... sooo young! =P)... the people who live on campus sang to him earlier... he has a recording session with his university band from 7 til 11 tonight and the agreement was if it clear up enough i'm supposed to show up and pick him up from the recording with the telescope in tow to go star looking atting... in the event that the clouds don't cooperate we're going on a midnight search for the mythological ferry in my "NJ curiousities" book again... either way an adventure. dude.

in the meantime, dinner, and hopefully another graph theory problem solved... *that* would be ideal =P

later dudes.

self-analysis

why is it that when i have a million and one things to do, i'm ready to crash any moment, and then when i get a night where i have time to relax and get 7-8 hours of sleep i toss and turn and can't fall asleep... ai yai yai....

anonymous observation from yesterday: lara, you think a lot... if i had to write a fundamental theorem of lara, it would say "lara worries a lot... it's not that she just worries, she just thinks about all kinds of things that most people don't... while most people think about the talk they're giving while giving the talk, lara thinks about the dynamics of giving the talk and what could go wrong as she's giving it... lara doesn't just do a task, she overanalyzes every possible outcome first and rehearses her responses... lara just thinks too hard!"

more so lately than usual, but i think that's actually pretty accurate... maybe i should work on that, eh?

really, i'm not losing my mind... i promise! just waaay overstressed lately... after today that calms down a bit, after next wednesday it hopefully calms down a lot more. now, attempt 2 at getting some shut eye... night.

exhaustion

it's over... well at least the imminent stress is... more tons and tons to do starts up first thing tomorrow, but as soon as i finish writing this i promised myself i could crash.

i went to sleep at 4 last night, woke up at 7:15 to practice my pizza talk, decided i didn't need to run through it more than glancing over proofs, went back to sleep at 7:40 with the goal of waking up at 8:15 again to study some for algebra... when i woke up i think i had been running through the talk again in my head in my sleep for half an hour and i woke up very confused thinking i had fallen asleep while rehearsing... blah.

so got ready, took the test... pretty sure i got 25% (i could write down the nullstellensatz proof i memorized last night) and that's it... stressed about pizza talk, went to graph theory, stressed more about pizza talk, and now the pizza talk is done

i think on the whole it went over well.. my prime attraction was that i figured out how to stick chocolate on the board while explaining stuff so i used hershey kisses on the wall to explain stuff... halfway through some of them got too covered in chalkdust and wouldn't stick anymore and i looked pretty silly, but people enjoyed it i'd say.

that survived, it's finally time to crash. yay!

later dudes.

the breaking point

dude, i think i've found it.

most of this week, i've been complaining a lot, but operating in super fast, get lots of stuff done every single waking minute of the day mode... today, i lost it.

this afternoon, i worked on my pizza talk. then, i went to starbucks and studied for an hour... then, eric called me on my way back home... we talked for a bit and as usual this week ended in a peptalk about everything i have to do... i was so frustrated though after realizing (while studying) how freakin much i have no clue about that i was on the verge of tears... called roommate, and just broke down... had not much to say but "i can't handle this much stress... when can i quit?" she played along a little and looked up airfares to chile (as close as she could get to antarctica =P), but in the end just was like "yeah, i'm here to talk, and you have every right to feel the way you do, but there's not much to do but keep going"

people were studying at 7 for our algebra test... i tried to get there but stupid traffic made my drive 40 minutes instead of 10... got there and was in the worst mood ever... leigh was listening to me, and jared noticed how strung out i looked, came and sat by me on the graduate lounge couch and was like "dude, explain what's wrong" and i started to, and started crying right there in front of like half the 1st year students... so jared called scott over and they decided to give me their "lecture on grad student life" it was freakin hilarious... halfway through they got up to draw a timeline of my life since august on the board and i about bust a gut laughing too...
things i gained:
*i might not be female since i'm not an avid chocolate lover
*strawberry ice cream is an isomorphism between guys and girls
*algebra sucks and we're all going to fail

eric came in towards the end of the "chat" and agreed to work in another classroom w/ me for awhile (i was enough distracted by other dialogues in the room and the fact that i had just broke down completely in front of everyone that i needed some quiet to get focused again), and we worked for a bit.

so about this test tomorrow... 5 problems, we get to choose 4... we know that one of the problems is either "prove the noether normalization lemma or the nullstellenstatz" both of which have page long proofs in the text (even longer handwritten), so the last 6 hours of my life were spent memorizing both of those... can i do *anything* else for the class whatsoever... absolutely not. this class is ridiculous... the prof is good one on one to ask questions to, but in class his organization is horrible and he's hard of hearing and so you can't ask questions then, and we've gone through half a textbook in 6 weeks (which is why we don't know any of the junk!)

everyone else will be done with the stress at 11:10 and i still have to give my stupid pizza talk then. at this rate i'm going to get like 4 hours of sleep and not be very friendly in the AM either.....

on the other hand, roommate, in response to my call apparently told a few other people i was having issues with life today, so i came home to an array of "trying to cheer you up" IMs and emails. that was nice. =)

now, time to go through my pizza talk one more time and crash for a little before stuffing my brain with more algebra. really makes you jealous of my week, eh?

dude, what's going on?!?!

so i gave my lie groups talk without too much of a hitch... i was nervous so i talked the whole time through without pauses for questions until the end (eric's comment "dude, good job, that's the way to go!"... but it was slightly disconcerting that leigh was sitting there shaking her head no the whole time... everyone else seemed to follow fine and the prof had no major addendums or changes to spring on me partway through, so that's done.

just heard from john that the algebra problems that are ruining everyone's week are actually due on tuesday now so we can study... too bad i'll be pizza seminar planning all afternoon instead....

also, just got an IM from the mother:
mom: have you talked to Ry since yesterday? Daddy said someone came to the gate while he was doing chores and asked about buying some of our land. Then yesterday afternoon he got a call at work to see if he was interested in a job at the Cleveland Botanic Garden... we'll be getting together and sending his resume tonight or tomorrow...then we shall see what develops

i was already bugged out that brother was moving into the room that's been mine for the past 15 years... now maybe the house goes away too? dude, i'm gonna freak out if this happens relatively quickly!

ok, lunchtime... not spazzing for 30 minutes, then back to work.

continuing to spazz

my life is not exciting right now -- if you've read every entry i've posted since sunday, you must just thoroughly enjoy watching someone lose their mind... seriously.

i spent 3 hours on campus tonight in the graduate lounge with colleen, leigh, eric, scott, jared, john, and mike... we did (john did) 1.5 of the 4 take home problems we have to do for half of our algebra exam for friday... i understand bits and pieces... no one knows how to start one of the problems... we have half a textbook to basically memorize by friday... we all basically plan on failing and hope he gets the message that he's doing a crappy job of running the class. in the meantime, you can't help but feel bad that you know friday's going to start with turning in a test with the hopes of getting a 10% even on it, but on the other hand, you know that's what's happening to everyone... it sucks.

eric sent me a hilarious link earlier though, which he called "sesame street culture, (or the theme of grad school)"... enjoy:
http://www.cmug.org/articles/DonMusic.html

(if you just plain don't get it, despite reading all my over-stressed entries lately, you still haven't fully understood the level of stress that is my current life) =P

eh

i'm more prepared for lie groups this week than any of my other classes... *that* is a scary statement.

as usual for monday/wednesdays, eric and me ran out of analysis early today to drive him to his class that starts 20 minutes after analysis gets out... we usually get to the other class late due to rush hour traffic, and today was no exception... first thing he says when he hops in my car?

eric: "dude, so i've realized today that every single one of my classes this semester suck for some reason or another... both analysis classes have amazing profs, but they're above my head so i'm screwed up, algebra and number theory are what i think i like, but both classes are extremely badly run.... i hate this!"
me: "dude, replace complex analysis with lie groups and replace number theory with graph theory and you have what i've been saying all semester... high five for angst... what are they trying to do to us?"
eric: "i dunno, but it's sure not encouraging"

amen to that.

later in the traffic jam drive,
me: (spazzing about my pizza seminar lecture): "so what happens if i only talk for 30 minutes?"
eric: "dude, that's probably bad"
me: "but yeah, what if... i'm just not feeling prepared about it"
eric: "what's the worst that can happen? we're all gonna fail the algebra midterm anyhow, so focus your attention on that... you'll be prepared, then the worst that's going to happen is your pieces of chocolate fall of the board, and then you say 'hey, eric, can you come help with this', and i'll grimace and say 'anything for you lara', and come be a visual aid... problem averted and we're all ok"

dude... so, lie groups talk prepared, i give it at 11:30 tomorrow... haven't started the algebra midterm takehome (group homework party in 15 minutes on campus) and haven't studied for the in class part... have 30 minutes of an hour long pizza seminar talk (to be given friday at 1:15) put together, and in the meantime, i gotta get some sleep or i'm just going to break down.... what a week.....

done spazzing... at least in blog form.... later =P

money troubles, roommate troubles, and life troubles

blah

so our bills keeps going up. even though it's march, we still need the heat on some days, so i guess that one's not going up, just not going down as quick as we like... our internet service just doubled in price b/c the cable people who installed it neglected to inform us our original rate was a limited time 6 month special... crap...

so the deal with our bills is that amanda leaves them on the table (they're in her name) until i write her a check for half and then she mails them... both of the above are due mid-next week and i have $10 in checking right now... i get paid friday so i figured thursday i'd write a check for amanda that she could cash friday and life would be great... apparently not... instead of telling me when i came home last night, after i went to work on homework in my room, she got up and wrote me a note "lara, i need the money asap" and left it on the table... what happened to talking? blah, whatever... so i wrote her a check that withdraws on one of my credit cards (yuck... financially i'm a screwup, i know) and that's done.

i guess i can't say too much about her writing notes... every day this week she's yanked the land-line phone off the wall in the kitchen and put it in her room (she discovered this weekend she has a phone jack in her room) instead and leaves her door shut when she's gone... (1) it's my phone, i paid for it (2) when it's in her room, it's not connected to the answering machine (3) i'm halfway expecting a call between now and saturday, so for the 3rd day in a row, i went in her room just now, moved the phone back to the kitchen, only this time left her a note (she's not home right now so i *can't* talk to her) saying "dude, i'm expecting a call this week, can you please leave this connected to the machine when you're not home?"... on the whole, amanda's a nice gal... i just don't understand her one bit, and am looking forward to living with colleen and leigh... when we actually find a place for next year...

speaking of $$ issues... i have 3 months of rent and bills to pay this summer and my fellowship only goes through the end of the academic year... oops. anyone have any suggestions of what to do for june and july?

i'm going to explode this week... analysis is done, and i have class in an hour... but i give the lie groups lecture thursday (mostly ready) and the pizza seminar talk (i think it only goes 30-40 minutes instead of an hour so far... =( )on friday... those alone would be ok, but we have an algebra midterm on friday that no one's expecting to be good especially as we have 4 take home problems to go with the in class part of the test and no one's solved any of those yet... not encouraging as i haven't had time to look at the problems yet!!!

aye yai yai.

if i make it through friday, that'll be a very good thing.

quote of the day

well i don't woo-hoo for just anyone. ~eric

yes, there's a short story, and yes it's taken severely out of context, but left alone it's a hilarious quote, i thought.

context (so you don't worry about me =P) below:

(driving in my car, listening to a CD, one of the songs had a really twangy feel to it and in each verse there was a "woo-hoo", and i was singing along with it in spurts, when eric laughed at me for it, i told him he had to sing along with the next time the song said "woo-hoo", and he did)
me: see, wasn't that fun?
eric: (just laughed)
me: and i bet you haven't made that ridiculous a noise in forever... how many people have heard you say "woo-hoo" in the past year?
eric: pretty sure you're the only one... i don't woo-hoo for just anybody... don't expect it to happen again!

hilarious how people respond to such a comment when left in isolation though. =P duuuude.

hrmmmm...

so apparently i have a new roommate. not that ron (amanda's boyfriend) didn't spend the night reguarly here before, but i think he's considering it more of a permanent thing since break. the *why* of it all makes sense... the thursday night before break, one of his roommates punched through a glass window and got shards of it in his eyes... he was apparently in the hospital for 3 days and he's been wearing prescription sunglasses since. i wouldn't want to be living with that roommate either.

thing is, ron stays in amanda's room for the most part when he's here, and is nice and all, but now it's different... he never used to shower here, now he's been in the bathroom a lot... leaves the toilet seat up, etc. little things... i just feel like i have a new roommate and was never informed of the matter. doht.

so tired, at least i get to sleep tonight. the end.

...and one more thing

so here's my story of the day.

i have this internet friend i've been talking to for like 5 years now (actually a few... i used to hang out in chatrooms a lot 5-6 years ago), but this one in particular i hadn't talked to as much in a few years, and then suddenly, i was on one of my alternate IM names 5 months ago or so, and he IMed me, not realizing it was me, just to see who the person behind the alter ego name was... we've been chatting a few times a week on IM ever since, (mostly when i'm insanely tired and stressed and working on homework 4-5am... he's good at making me laugh).

so today we were chatting and for the first time ever, he sent me his picture. the reason this is *especially* blog-worthy is this: never had he and i ever discussed "what do you look like?"... my basic summary of this guy was plays guitar, lives in ohio, doesn't go by his given name, likes math (just hasn't been in classes as far as me, but relatively few people are as masochistic as me to take this much math), about my age, etc. (nothing appearance-wise whatsoever)... yet somehow without discussing appearance or seeing pictures, talking to someone for awhile, you kinda form a mental image of them... thing was, the picture he sent was extremely similar to the mental image i had developed over time... is this weird? if nothing else, it's an extremely intriguing coincidence.

psych!

so got the fated exam back... freakin 45%, C+... 3 hours later, driving in my car, i was running back over the comments/points i remembered seeing on the test when i got it back and realized i had a total of 55%, B... not that 55% is stellar, but that's 10% more of the test i actually got right! i know of 1 100, 1 94, 1 58, 2 56s, and a 34, so i'm not completely horrible. doesn't this make you wish you were in math grad school?

dude.

i've realized today that my pizza seminar talk needs to be stellar too since like 50 (actually more like 10) prospective grad students will be around... i'm already nervous about the usual suspects being there (some of the older students like to nitpick details and ask tricky questions), and this is a bunch more people making decisions on coming here next year or not partially based on their visit (part of which will be sitting through my talk!)... duuude, i'm screwed this week.

potential disaster thrwarted

dude, do i like to put together meaningless combinations of large words or what?

so i was more or less prepared for my lie groups talk and he ended up talking the whole period... presentation is now first thing on thursday. so no public speaking today... that was threat of disaster #1... now, threat of disaster #2 will most likely happen in an hour (i.e. getting back the crummy analysis midterms we took last class before break)... rumor has it 2 of the smarter analysis people wrote and complained it was an unfair exam and goodman wrote back "i'll respond when i'm done grading" and later "regardless people did how i expected... 3 As, and a smattering of Bs and Cs" we've predicted As to jared, sam, and john, Cs to my usual crew (eric, colleen, leigh, me) Bs and or Cs to the rest of the world... we'll see how this works. blah. i know it was a crummy test, i'm ready to get a crummy grade, i just don't like actually seeing the crummy grade.

yo ho ho, a math grad student's life for me...

i'm tired, and i'm not the happiest right now either.

mostly because i have an insane amount of work to do in the next 2 weeks, mostly this week.

i have to give a lecture in lie groups... the way he (the prof) manages this is somewhat haphazard... he lectures for awhile and then says "so (insert name), wanna give your talk now?"... completely arbitrary when my turn is, but need to be prepared for tomorrow... i emailed him earlier and was like "so i talk about two theorems in section 2.5, will you be talking about the stuff in section 2.4 that i need in my proofs, or do i have to learn and present that too"... his response "i hope... maybe"... that's precise (not).... yuck... i've put several hours into learning the theorems, etc. i'm supposed to prove and have some parts where the only justification i have is "nyeh!... book said so, you wanna come give the talk instead?!?" if someone asks "why?" that's probably not good.

had some interesting conversations today too. i had dinner with eric and trevor earlier and they were talking about how they think it's possible to not be excelling in the 1st year grad classes but still pass the quals (the tests that determine if we stay in the program or not after next year), whereas scott and i just chatted for a bit and his basic conclusion was "the quals are gonna be horrific and half of our class is doomed"... at least i'm not the only pessimist... eric's getting good at the pep talks when i need them when i start complaining again, but sometimes it's nice to gripe and have someone else gripe too =)

i've started taking a survey if i should be a trucker if this grad school thing doesn't pan out =P i do like driving after all ... so far mom, roommate, eric, ian, half of trevor, and half of scott are against,... brother, half of scott, and half of trevor are for. (trevor and scott both said get an academic year job and then be a trucker for extra money in the summer =P)

i was impressed with myself for figuring out half of an analysis problem all by myself this afternoon (and my answer was ratified by others... even better!) a lot of my homework writeups are all about networking and getting hints from others (not considered cheating in a math program... math is generally a collaborative field, grad classes included) so solving a problem without a hint was a big deal!

don't know much else... need sleep so i can rehearse my lie groups talk again before i go to class.... (shudder)

night!

math and chocolate

so it's 1:30pm on the end of spring break.

have i had fun? tons and tons... (see the "my life in pictures" link on the right margin)

have i been good? tried to be... the trips were kinda crazy but i got everywhere i wanted to be safely. yesterday after sleeping til 2pm, i got 12 rolls of film developed and spent the evening scanning photos in and sorting the doubles to give to appropriate people, and putting my copies in my photo albums... joy. today though, i forgot it was saturday, and slept from 3am til 11am... forgetting that dude, i had altar guild at 8am... luckily my team leader is really nice and not mad about it. she missed part of the first week too, so she kinda just rolls with the punches and recognizes life can happen and change things around sometimes. =P

finally, have i done my tons and tons of homework? about 5 minutes worth... i give two lectures next week and i wrote an abstract for 1... it goes like this:

Pebbling, Cover Pebbling, and Chocolate

Pebbling is a game played on the vertices of graphs with "pebbles" (which
also lends itself very well to playing with candy as you work!). Cover
pebbling is an extension of this idea. I will briefly discuss both of
these concepts and how the pebbling number and the cover pebbling number
of a graph are related. If time allows, I will also discuss how to find
the cover pebbling number of trees. There's also a chance I'll bring
along candy to illustrate the talk, and will share it when I'm done

joy... now to prepare the talk i actually give on monday -- yikes! at least for the talk described above i can get rid of the plethora of hershey kisses i acquired last week... heh. =P now, really, i'm working.

you may be right, i may be crazy

subject is a quality billy joel song that has quickly become the themesong of the day.

consider the following to be the tale of how a 5 hour road trip can turn into a 19 hour one instead =P

so this morning, delaware was the only state east of the mississippi i hadn't yet visited... scott agreed to come along if i'd let him do homework in the car so 10am, we were off and running... by 11:30 we were in delaware and taking a backroads route along the delaware river having fun taking pictures with goofy signs, etc... by noon we were hungry and picked up some subway just north of dover... drove through historic downtown dover (no skyskrapers... total population 33,000... very cute and quaint) and took a quick tour of the old state house and the town green... drove on south to the shore to see the ocean and the fenwick island lighthouse (only working lighthouse in delaware)... took pictures with the lighthouse mid afternoon (2-3ish) and presumably should have returned back up to jersey getting in 6-7ish (pm)... buuuuut, you have to remember this was me and scott on a trip and we both can be bad about sticking to what was originally planned, soooo...

scott: (at the lighthouse), "dude, did you read that? this stone here marks the delaware/maryland state line! i'm in delaware and you're in maryland!"
me: "awesome!"
(pose and take pictures with the state line rock)

....

me:"so back up through delaware or down into maryland a bit?"
scott: "dude, virginia's close... why don't we hit that border?"
me: "sure... let's get gas first though..."
(i pump gas... get back in the car)
scott: "so have you ever been on the 20 mile bridge/tunnel that goes over the chesapeake bay and under the ocean? if we get to the virginia border and we're feeling really crazy we could go for that?"
me: "never been there, but i'm up for it if you are"

...

(get to the maryland/virginia stateline (cerca 4:30pm), pull over to a gas station, park the car, run across 3 lanes of traffic and into the median, pose for pictures with the "welcome to maryland" and "welcome to virginia" signs, get honked at by truckers, and go back to the car)
scott: "so have we gotten the craziness out of our system or are we really going for this?"
me: "well the cool bridge is still another 100 miles... if we go that far we might as well take interstate back up through richmond, dc, baltimore, etc.... we could go visit the lincoln memorial at like 9 at night!"
scott: "you know what? if you think you can stay awake to drive, why not... you only live once!"

....

(driving in virginia)
i realize we're actually going to go to dc and josh persons is working there til june, haven't seen him since graduation, he told me a couple weeks ago i should let him know if i'm ever in the area, but i don't have his phone number... a ha... brilliant idea... call adam hughes, ask him to email josh on my behalf telling josh to call my cell when he gets a chance as i'll be in the area in a few hours on a whim

...

6pm (sunset) arrive at the chesapeake tunnel/bridge... chesapeake bay to one side, atlantic ocean to the other... 20 miles of 2 lane bridge way high above the water, no shoulder... and twice the bridge dips into tunnels that go under the water (where boats can cross)... we pay the $10 to cross, stop at a "scenic overlook" on one side, take tons of pictures, then make the trek -- completely awesome... and dude!!! we went UNDER the ocean

...

6:30pm, arrive in virginia beach, VA (on the other side of the bridge)
me and scott: (in unison) "duuuude, what are we doing in virginia????"
....norfolk... josh persons calls back... agrees to meet at washington monument in DC around 9:30pm
...richmond... into DC around 10pm (underestimated traffic and distance from richmond to DC... oops)

...

10-11pm, wandering around DC with scott and josh (white house and the mall mostly)
11-11:30 trying to find our way out of town,.,, 11:40 finally succeed

...

crazy rain begins... drive through baltimore... under the chesapeake (much small corner of it) in another tunnel...

...

1am: finally it's dinnertime... roy rogers burgers at a travel plaza half an hour north of baltimore

.....

2am hit delaware/jersey... still crazy rain... scott and me are getting loopy and laughing our heads off

....

2:15am pass under a sign at the start of the NJ Turnpike "reduce speed 45mph, snow ahead"... soon as we read it the flakes fall until within 5 miles we can't see the road and are going 30 instead

(what should take an hour to drive took double that.... up to 9 inches expected by "morning")

4:30am: drop scott off at his dorm
4:45am: i get home

5:15am: having typed this story up while i remember it clearly, i'm going to bed now!
night all. =P

touring new england in the snow

so last night it was snowing a little when marianne and i headed back outside for homemade applecrisp and to move my car to someplace where it was allowed to be overnight (this was around 10pm)... we chatted about snow (which both of us love) and snow songs we made up or talked about in budapest... marianne's family lived in russia for awhile so she has an assortment of russian pop CDs, had told me about 3 russian songs about snow in budapest, but never got to play them for me... so late last night we scanned through her CDs until we found the appropriate tracks... it was fun =)

woke up this morning to several inches of snow and more coming down! it was a party and a half... we got good breakfast at a diner in town and then i was off.... here's the general summary of my day as per my current IM away message:

states i've visited today and my new names for them:
vermont (the green mountain state /for me, the winter wonderland state)
new hampshire (the granite state/ for me, the obsessed with the old man of the mountain who's not there anymore state)
maine (the pine tree state/ for me, dude, i can't believe i drove this far just for fun state)
massachusetts (the bay state/ for me, the i can't believe i just listened to an hour of israeli rap state)
rhode island (the ocean state/ for me, the i think i just got flipped off more in the past 30 minutes than i've ever been in my life state)
connecticut (the constitution state/ for me, the why don't they know how to plow the interstate state)
new york (the empire state/ for me, the passing huge car wrecks state)
new jersey (the garden state/ for me, the home sweet home state)

~~~

most of that's pretty self-explanatory =P the *why* i went to all the states i did is not... it's on my "to do" list of life to eventually visit all 50 states and i figured if maine was only 2.5 hours away from dartmouth, and rhode island on the way back from that i shouldn't pass up the opportunity to see them when i didn't know when i'd be that close again... soooo, drove to maine, and into the very southwest corner... used my atlas to navigate to the atlantic ocean and took lighthouse pictures and a couple of myself (holding the camera out at arms length... yes, i'm a total gimp, but i was in maine!) =P it was fun, and now i can say i've been in every state east of the mississippi except delaware (and scott agreed to come with me to visit delaware tomorrow... just a day trip) =P

the whole northeast was covered in crazy snow today too... i didn't really have a hard time until western connecticut today and then there was a really bad wreck on I-287/87 in NY just north of the city... all i could see was a semi-truck flipped over and crashed through the guardrail on the side... there were at least 3 fire trucks, at least half a dozen police cars, and several ambulances... i'm wondering if there were cars crushed beneath it that i couldn't see... at any rate, i was thankful to have survived the weather without any harm to myself b/c it definitely was not an optimal day for driving... yuck.

anyhow, tomorrow's another ocean day i think... should be fun... first some unpacking and some sleep.

night.

bubbles =)

dude, it was a fun day (again) =)

not quite as action packed, but lots of fun... we slept in til after noon and then attacked a science museum near dartmouth, but just over the river into vermont... it was a kids museum so very hands on, which i get along with great. =) we got to play with a fog machine, lots of puzzles, made giant huge soap bubbles, playing with pendulums, watched a bee hive and a giant ant farm, played with lots of stuff under microscopes and overall had a most excellent afternoon there! the museum was sooo out in the middle of nowhere but soooo much fun and soooo well done too! =) kinda like how marianne and i attacked a kids science museum in budapest when we were there, only this time we could (a) understand the displays since they were in english and (b) weren't chased away from playing with things by large swarms of small children since we went on a school day =P

so yeah, lots of fun... later we had a "star trek 5k" (as opposed to marathon... just 2 episodes =P) and ate pizza and now it's relax time... yay for more breaktime fun... here's to hoping for good driving tomorrow! =P

fun with vermont and tequila

how's that for a subject line?

today started out pretty laid back... marianne had a paper due at 10 this morning, which she didn't finish til 7... this means she slept til noon and i got some putzing around time... after we were both up we went to vermont (literally 1 mile down the road) to visit some touristy towns that are apparently really popular in the fall... they were cute... quechee and woodstock vermont... got some touristy vermont things (syrup, maple butter spread, etc.), a rhombus puzzle, and some chai flavored mints (VerMints to be specific)... all quality... in quechee we ate at a cute deli then went to a craft house/store where they make simon pearce glass... you could actually watch them blow the glass in the furnace by hand and stuff... very cool... we drove across the state border (VT/NH) a few times so i could get some quality pictures of the state border signs and then came back to NH... after dinner w/ one of marianne's friend's, we went to ben and jerrys and then to movie night at their CCC (campus crusade for christ) staff worker's house... fun times and fun people... after that, marianne and i planned on crashing, but her boyfriend rudel (who i also know from budapest) called to tell her they had 3 people for pong at one of the frats he was at and needed a 4th... so we were over there for like an hour plus some... they made me margaritas to play with instead, which was quality... unfortunately margarita mix margaritas aren't quite as quality as the scratch ones scott makes, but they did ok... me and jeff, a canadian guy who explained as we went (dartmouth people play different... with ping pong paddles and stuff instead of standard beirut), actually beat marianne and rudel once the 4th person that had been playing previously left... mostly due to jeff, but it was fun.

yay for quality time in VT/NH... it's been a good day. now, for sleep.

penguins galore

i just spent the past hour reading/looking through a book of photos some guy did of two 5 foot tall wooden penguins in different famous sites of the world... (marianne has a thing for penguins... a friend gave her the book and i was amused so i borrowed it for my evening reading)

reaction: (1) cute (2) duuude who would have ever thought up such a thing?

the end.

tell everybody i'm on my way...

(subject line is a quality phil collins song from "brother bear")

so here i am in new hampshire... after i dropped a-swan off at the train station, i went to church, packed, and 6 hours later here i am in the dartmouth library while marianne finishes her last paper for her finals (they're on terms, not semesters here.)

comment 1: northern jersey is beautiful

comment 2: taking 287 way around the city makes for not too busy traffic and only $3 to get through NY instead of $6+... yay for mason for that tip.

comment 3: I-95 around new haven, CT gives a spiffy view of long island sound... note to self: need to take pictures on the return trip

comment 4: western massachusetts has better country stations than jersey in general... should i have been surprised by this?

comment 5: it was completely dark and sleeting the whole time i was in vermont... however the closest to "pitch black" i've ever seen in my life... would be *amazing* for stargazing

comment 6: i'm literally less than a mile from vermont, just over the border into new hampshire... hanover is a really cute college town... ironically enough, besides seeing marianne who i'm here to see, we've seen jimmy (another budapest person) crossing the street, and ran into andrei both in the cafeteria and in the library (still *another* budapest person)... given there were 7 dartmouth people in budapest when i was, and after i see rudel (marianne's boyfriend) i'll have seen all the guys and marianne.... duuuude....

anyhow, fun to be here, major yay for familiar faces i haven't seen in a year and a half, yay for snow, yay for new states, yay for no math nights, and yay for road trips... but most of all major yay for friends!

an excellent week to you all! =)

too tired for words

dude, so alliswan and i have been quite the active tourists this weekend:

friday: world trade center, wall street, brooklyn bridge, battery park, staten island ferry, and waiting through a very long line to look out the 86th floor observatory of the empire state building -- INCREDIBLE view!... after freezing our heads off up there, we came back to jersey and had applebees with scott... it was entertaining especially as he kept turning around and picking on the table of 13 year old girls behind us, asking them why on earth they needed cell phones at their age, and did they really come to applebees just to talk on the phone? just as he was about to turn around and ask them how on earth they got there, one of them yells to 2 tables away "hey mom, ....." *then* we all burst out laughing... this whole time, scott's been being watched by their mother... it was good entertainment.. =P anyhow, the end of friday. =)

saturday: lincoln center, times square, lunch, saw "chicago", rockefeller center, wandering a little, times square hershey's outlet, and back to jersey... i was sooo pooped out by the end that i was more of a zombie than a person so we came home and i chilled for a bit while a-swan cooked (she was pleased i let her help in the kitchen instead of insisting on cooking for her like i'd done all week long)... i was sooo tired i was out by 9 (yes pm) and slept pretty much til 8am... now i'm ready for church, giving a-swan time to pack and get her stuff together, and by 9:45 we're leaving to get her to the train station and me to church

after church, *i* go on a packing spree and then drive up to new hampshire -- this is getting exciting! after i get back, i'll have visited every state east of the mississippi but delaware and i think i've convinced scott (the only other person left here over spring break) to make a day road trip down there with me on thursday just to say i've been in delaware... joy. =)

anyhow, back to being organizational. =P later.

spring break! (almost)

man, too bad it's not yet... i had my only class today cancelled, so it *feels* like break... no homework due tomorrow either, so it feels even more like break... but two classes to go to anyhow... oops!

anyhow, things finally came together for me today to actually have some non-homework fun time over break. =) sunday, after alliswan goes back home, i'm driving up to hanover, NH (get to drive through NJ, NY, CT, MA, and VT on the way) to hang out with my friend marianne who i know from my semester in budapest... haven't seen her since europe... it's her spring break too so she has free time to show me around a bit, etc... just researched on yahoo maps that i could visit the city (kittery) in farthest SE maine, and drive through rhode island on the way back if i feel like making the 6 hour trip there into 8.5 hours back on wednesday... i just might since having seen all 50 states is on my to do list and that would knock off 6 new ones =P

anyhow, a-swan and i are seeing chicago on broadway saturday and she's never seen the movie so that's on the plate for this afternoon... moooovie time. later.

horrible evil tests

after studying for pretty much 24 hours straight, the analysis midterm is done. the prof stopped us after an hour and 40 minutes (it was supposed to be an hour and 20) and no one was done,... he told us to stop where we were and just turn it in. even the super good analysis people thought it was an unfair test and jared's writing to complain... pretty sure he (the prof) didn't mean it to be awful, just forgot what it's like to be a student instead of someone whose known these theorems and how to apply them for years and years... at any rate, our grades all go down together... just woulda been nice to know i coulda studied for an hour and gotten about the same score... oops.

a-swan and i went out to eat w/ scott, jared, and colleen... people dynamics-wise it wasn't the best since a-swan didn't have much to say without being asked directly and scott and jared just kinda chatted and assume people will jump in, and a-swan felt a little left out... makes perfect sense in context... i guess i'm just used to the dynamic of interacting with my math people and so i don't think anything of it... since i'm used to them i know nothing was meant by it from their point of view, but i understand why aswan felt the way she did in retrospect too... i couldn't quite pinpoint that that's what the problem was until aswan and i chatted after, but dinner was quality and i'm glad we all went... =)

after all of the above, a-swan and i got out my telescope and found jupiter and saturn and the orion nebula then watched "the italian job"... all lots of fun... just now i'm gonna crash. =P sooooo freakin tired.

night all.

surprise!

so alliswan is here (yay!)

we had just finished dinner earlier when my phone rang... didn't recognize the number on the caller id, so was completely surprised when i answered to be greeted by a guy's voice saying "hello? lara? how on earth *are* you?"... my response was "um, alright, and *who* on earth are *you*???"

turns out it was my friend nathanael from budapest... he was there for an engineering study abroad program and we went to the same international church... he was a good buddy there (cut stitches out of my eye, we rescheduled flights back to the states to leave hungary together, etc.), but is horrible at keeping in touch online... i'd gotten 2 mass emails and like 1 individual one from him in the past year and a half. while he was in budapest he met ben, another engineer from his school (univ. of colorado)... ben was also a church friend... this year, they're sharing an apartment, and ben happened to be right there, so i talked to him too for a bit (his email address that i had died a month after i left europe so i'd heard from him even less than nathanael in the past year).

mostly, completely caught me off guard, was a pleasant surprise, and totally made my day that two guys i hadn't heard from or seen in well over a year thought it would be fun to call, say hi, and make me laugh for a bit. party indeed.

now, back to studying for the analysis midterm that will be my undoing... 17 hours til post-exam freedom. =)

life goes on...

dude, what a crazy past 48 hours... by day, having fun with roommate and showing up for class, by night doing homework non-stop... when did i sleep? for the most part, i didn't... sunday night i was up til 4am working on stuff, and was up just fine for my 11:30 class... last night, homework til 5am,... woke up in time for my 9:50 class but decided life would be better if i drove to campus, gave my homework to colleen to turn in, and come back home for an hour nap, so that's precisely what i did... a class, subway with roooommate and eric, then an eye doctor appointment later, here i am.

comments:
* now, no work stands between me and spring break besides my analysis midterm... that's a major source of stress, but it's affirming to know that when that test is done tomorrow afternoon, i get to actually get sleep and have fun for a bit -- yay!

* it was fun to have one of my best all-time friends (i.e. roooommate) interact with my people here... like subway today... eric has a lot of similar responses to me as roommate does and it was funny to see see how it all worked together... also kinda like jessica's met the people before, now i have another friend who's met them and my stories have a little more context for them. =) -- which makes less necessary to explain when i talk about people... (i'm rambling... this kinda had a point...i think)

* even on 4 hours of sleep and very dry eyes, the walmart optometrist approved and sold me 3 months worth of contacts and gave me a real prescription instead of just a pair of trials -- joy.

* i'm sooo glad rooommate came... i wish i hadn't been nearly so stressed and busy the whole time, but despite the stress it was wonderful to hang with her for a bit and just have fun... i keep saying that in every entry this week, but i'm serious... the value of a good friend is evident whether you're doing particularly fun exciting things or not. =)

*now, as soon as i survive analysis tomorrow i get to party with alliswan for several days -- yay friends. =)

the end... now to study

disco inferno of dust bunnies!

guess who went to sleep at 4am last night and is probably pulling an allnighter or close tonight?

if you guessed lara, good job!

sooo much work due tomorrow... today i had 2 classes and roommate and i got indian food in the student center inbetween.. since my last class, we drove eric to class then dropped off the 3 movies we had watched last night and ran by the grocery store... that covers til about 6pm..

since 6, i've been doing homework pretty much straight... 8 graph theory problems due tomorrow, 5 algebra... taking forever and a day. amazingly enough though, roommate and amanda have chatted as much in the past 2 days as amanda and i have all year... it's really funny... maybe that's a slight exageration, but usually we're both working so much that we don't sit down and talk much... not animosity or anything, just busy and not buddy buddy...

roommate turned on queer eye of the straight guy at 8, and amanda was enthralled and came out to watch -- i brought the laptop and my graph theory book out too... then 2 more episodes (each an hour long) came on after that (hence the subject line... quote from the 9-10pm episode)... such a weird show, but it's entertaining. =P... now, an old friends rerun is on... working, trying to be moderately social, but no sleep in the meantime.

tomorrow shall be exciting -- 2 different valpo friends on the same day... roommate leaves around lunch and then alliswan gets in on amtrak around 6pm. fun times... only roommate gets to deal with me after an allnighter, and alliswan gets to watch me spazz for 24 hours about the analysis midterm before we get to have fun... yay for guests, boo for stress... now to work.

movies, movies, and math homework

having watched 3 movies tonight, now it's uninterrupted work time =P... current scores:
graph theory: 3
me: 5

algebra: 1.5
me: 3.5

analysis: infinity
me: epsilon

......
above is the current IM away message.. we'll see how long i last before i crash.

had another good but very long day... church this AM, followed by altar guild cleanup time. pastor j's in japan for 2 weeks so church was... different... today... roommate didn't like it the most ever (but then commented she would be concerned if she did just based on our synodical differences) but survived.

mason and jeremy stober (2 bsm friends) came through town with mason's sister, and the plan was originally to meet up for lunch and then go to the rutgers orchestra concert, but they got in late, decided not to go to the concert (leaving eric last minute almost without a ride) and left before roommate and i saw them... eric joked that they mostly came so mason could smoke a cigarette with john before taking off for boston... whatever dude.

orchestra concert was awesome... they did a really cool percussion piece with an awesome guest percussionist... he had all kinds of crazy things to play and intricate solos... he even had a big tank of water he dipped various instruments in while playing to alter the sound.... it was freakin awesome... and it was the most percussion instruments i've seen on stage at once before ever..

in the spirit of getting homework done, roommate and i rented 3 movies to watch tonight while i worked... secondhand lions, pirates of the caribbean, and uptown girls. she had seen secondhand lions before and i hadn't... i had seen uptown girls before and she hadn't... we both enjoyed secondhand lions... she liked pirates and i didn't dislike it but i wasn't enthralled... i liked uptown girls, but she had a similar reaction to my reaction to pirates... oh well... you win some, you lose some, and it was a decent variety.

now, roommate's asleep and i'm working on homework til i crash... tomorrow night i have to finish what doesn't happen tonight, right? blah... later.

one loooooooong day

so today was really good but feels about a week long... probably because i've been up 17.5 hours or so...

first week to help with altar guild at church... this means i need to leave by 7:30am every saturday for the month of march, but i'm excited to help out.

after i got back, roommate and i headed for NYC... we went in the empire state building but didn't have time to wait to go to the top, visited the times square toys r us,... then we had tickets for phantom of the opera with scott and his friend liz who's visiting this weekend from wisconsin...

phantom was absolutely amazing... the same guy plays the phantom now who played it when the show opened in 1988 and he was spectacular... the staging was awesome, and after listening to the soundtrack all week it was awesome to *see* it in person... definitely the highlight of the day.

after phantom, went to rockefeller center, st. patrick's cathedral, and the NYC disney store (roommate's obsessed w/ disney)... she got various and sundry stuff, i got the brother bear soundtrack. =)... go phil collins.

then, we met up with scott, liz, vicki, john, and ben for dinner and went to some cute greek place in west village... it was quality, and came with entertainment too since the waiter was flirting with scott the whole time. (scott's comment: "i've picked up waitresses before... not quite sure what to do about this one though") dude...

everyone else went clubbing but roommate and i were exhausted... we ran by starbucks and then tried to take advantage of the brief opening in the clouds to use my telescope... i found jupiter and saturn before it clouded over but something in the alignment got screwed up and we couldn't see anything with it but reflections of the inside of the telescope -- this makes me mad (at the telescope)

that mission failed, we curled up and watched 2 hours of trading spaces, and now it's definitely bedtime.

moral of the story?
(1) apparently i can't plan things well anymore... telescope, today's nasty weather, and a couple other things i didn't mention anymore
(2) i have no idea when my homework's getting done... i keep working on stuff when i have a few spare minutes, but somehow it has to get done by tuesday and that's looking ill-fated
(3) best conclusion of all: it's completely refreshing to hang out with a friend for a few days, regardless how stressed or busy you are, who you know completely where you stand with them, you're not busy convincing yourself you're not mad at them, and you completely trust them... my math people are great, but i don't know that i'm superly close to any of them yet... it's definitely quality to just hang with old friends. =)

on that note, sleep time. vislat.

in 10 directions at once

roommate's here! i've been waiting for her visit for awhile now... it's wonderful to hang out with someone you never have to explain yourself to about anything because they already generally understand what you meant to say anyhow... i like hanging out with roommate... i miss living with roommate... like tonight, after she came, we drove back to campus to eat with the people and while we worked on math, she read stuff for her class, and joined in on jokes and general conversation... after dinner we came back and i had company for watching the apprentice and discussing it as it was going on, and then we watched a mooovie... just nice to have non-math girl chat time.

on the other hand, all the homework i had hoped to have mostly done before she got here is insanely long and hard. i'm just not going to sleep much this week... roommate went to sleep 2 hours ago and i've been working since... looks like 6.5 hours for me and lots more work to do tomorrow... i need to get my homework done, and i intend to, but i want to have fun with roommate while she's here and i fully intend on doing that too, especially as i haven't seen her in 6 months and who knows when i will again... argh, so much to do, so little time.

at any rate, regardless of schedule, i still need *some* sleep... night.

thoughts

(1) roommate will be here in less than 20 hours -- this makes me very happy =)

(2) i have 8 graph theory problems and 5 algebra problems due tuesday... i spent 20 hours on 5 graph theory problems last go around and still didn't do the most brilliant job... this looks like potential for trouble.... goodbye sleep for a bit. =P

(3) i like the people... scott decided tonight that we should have a margarita night since this is the first night in awhile he's had time for one, so the people all waited for me to get back from church tonight 8:30/9ish so we could all get applebees together then... fun times

(4) it occured to me halfway through dinner that exactly 6 months ago at that point in time i was on the phone with nicole. that's completely random, but yeah. kinda like the last few things we said to each other "God's time is the best time, like it or not, understand it or not"... it's weird she's gone, but somehow there's a reason. this is a weird week in my head. the end.

night.

you might be a grad student if...

dude, forgot to post this quote earlier... so i've been having troubles on and off this school year with my eyelid twitching sporadically... every time i complain or eric sees me messing with it he jokingly says i have some weird vitamin deficiency and i should work on that... so i actually got a professional opinion on it today =P

eye doctor: so do you ever have problems with your eyes being dry or burning?
me: no... although my right lower eyelid twitches a bit sometimes lately
eye doctor: yeah, that's called (spouts off some long name)... that's ok... it's an involuntary eye muscle response to periods of stress...
me: for example... grad school?
eye doctor: exactly, and it's nothing to worry about.

...so twitching eyes are a symptom of grad school -- awesome

in other news, i was almost done writing up my analysis homework... almost in the sense that writing up 3 out of 4 problems took 8 sheets of paper front and back, and i wrote up 1/2 of the remaining problem at colleen's house earlier... just before i left to go home and watch scrubs though,scott brought out the tequila and triple sec that we had leftover from margaritas a week or two ago and mixed me up a nice big cup of the two of them mixed... i drank it in about 5 minutes so i could get home by 9:30, and man, halfway down my 10 minute drive home i was really feeling it... not that i was drunk or anything... it was 1 glass, but i drank it awful quick and hadn't eaten anything since lunch at like 1... doht! half an hour of silly TV, soup, and iced tea later, all good... lesson to be learned: tequila *after* homework, not before. QED. night.

...with photos

re: last entry

me, mid january:


me just now, best as i could get with my cheap digital camera:


the end.... now it's really homework time. =P

finally!

i just went to the eye doctor... and i have contacts again!

amanda actually said when i came home just now "your face looks so much more... open... they look great!"

i'm just happy not to have scratched up lenses in front of my eyes anymore...

follow-up appointment next tuesday to make sure my eyes are doing ok, and then i get real lenses to keep instead of trials... nonetheless, major yay for contacts again. =)

...

jared: so if i understand a math problem, we'll call the solution genius... if i don't, we'll call it demonic... hey, i think i like that characterization!