the breaking point

dude, i think i've found it.

most of this week, i've been complaining a lot, but operating in super fast, get lots of stuff done every single waking minute of the day mode... today, i lost it.

this afternoon, i worked on my pizza talk. then, i went to starbucks and studied for an hour... then, eric called me on my way back home... we talked for a bit and as usual this week ended in a peptalk about everything i have to do... i was so frustrated though after realizing (while studying) how freakin much i have no clue about that i was on the verge of tears... called roommate, and just broke down... had not much to say but "i can't handle this much stress... when can i quit?" she played along a little and looked up airfares to chile (as close as she could get to antarctica =P), but in the end just was like "yeah, i'm here to talk, and you have every right to feel the way you do, but there's not much to do but keep going"

people were studying at 7 for our algebra test... i tried to get there but stupid traffic made my drive 40 minutes instead of 10... got there and was in the worst mood ever... leigh was listening to me, and jared noticed how strung out i looked, came and sat by me on the graduate lounge couch and was like "dude, explain what's wrong" and i started to, and started crying right there in front of like half the 1st year students... so jared called scott over and they decided to give me their "lecture on grad student life" it was freakin hilarious... halfway through they got up to draw a timeline of my life since august on the board and i about bust a gut laughing too...
things i gained:
*i might not be female since i'm not an avid chocolate lover
*strawberry ice cream is an isomorphism between guys and girls
*algebra sucks and we're all going to fail

eric came in towards the end of the "chat" and agreed to work in another classroom w/ me for awhile (i was enough distracted by other dialogues in the room and the fact that i had just broke down completely in front of everyone that i needed some quiet to get focused again), and we worked for a bit.

so about this test tomorrow... 5 problems, we get to choose 4... we know that one of the problems is either "prove the noether normalization lemma or the nullstellenstatz" both of which have page long proofs in the text (even longer handwritten), so the last 6 hours of my life were spent memorizing both of those... can i do *anything* else for the class whatsoever... absolutely not. this class is ridiculous... the prof is good one on one to ask questions to, but in class his organization is horrible and he's hard of hearing and so you can't ask questions then, and we've gone through half a textbook in 6 weeks (which is why we don't know any of the junk!)

everyone else will be done with the stress at 11:10 and i still have to give my stupid pizza talk then. at this rate i'm going to get like 4 hours of sleep and not be very friendly in the AM either.....

on the other hand, roommate, in response to my call apparently told a few other people i was having issues with life today, so i came home to an array of "trying to cheer you up" IMs and emails. that was nice. =)

now, time to go through my pizza talk one more time and crash for a little before stuffing my brain with more algebra. really makes you jealous of my week, eh?