in a parallel universe

leigh helped me with homework some more and now i'm by myself in her office whle other people are working in the graduate lounge... i'm in a weird mood... not good, not bad, but moving extremely fast and fidgety and feeling hyper-analytical at present (don't ask me to explain that... either you understand or you don't)

in reviewing my thoughts, attitudes, and actions over the past however long that i've been claiming to be "in a weird mood" it's like the monster in my head is back. halfway through valpo, friends made me see the campus shrink and he verified that i had moderate clinical depression. it's hard to explain but during that year or two there, it was like no matter what i tried to do there was this imaginary monster burden in my head looking for the bad in even the best things i had going on... there was no reason to be sincerely happy about anything. i'm far from that point (in the good direction), but thinking about it, i think half my problem lately is (1) thinking too much about everything and (2) the same thought patterns that were there before have crept in again while i've been insanely stressed over the past however long and are attacking again... they're like weeds... you think you get rid of them, but the roots are always deeper than you quite seem to reach to and even if you try to put up a good front and really believe it, the roots are still hiding there and growing back.

this is a really weird entry... i'm going to stop for now.

eric found me a spiffy way to make money this summer if carolyn (last summer's boss) doesn't have long distance work for me. filling out surveys for companies online... i'll probably sign up for it whether carolyn has work for me or not... that'll be good.

ok, really, the end. hour til class... i'm going to read or something halfway constructive rather than type type type type type =P