eh

it's an "in-between day" and i'm tired.... inbetween because the daves left at 8 this morning and i have nothing to do/no one to talk to until i call my boss in memphis at 9 tonight to get my first assignment of the summer

tired because i slept for only 4 hours... after reading the email from nicole's parents/looking at the pictures of her stuff they sent, i cried for a bit, and then was thinking for awhile... it was 3:30 before i was calm enough to sleep and i woke up at 7:30 to help the daves move their stuff to the car and wish them farewell

the crying's weird and makes me feel sick... i mean it's normal to miss people after they've died and there's nothing wrong with the fact that i'm still grieving nicole's death in a way already 9 months since she died... but it's weird what happens to set it off from time to time... there's nothing in particular distressing about pictures of her stuff -- i mean, the girl loved smiley faces, they were very cheerful pictures of stuffed animals, smiley faces, books, and masks... just the fact that together they represent someone i cared about a lot, and the fact that those pictures being sent out means that that stuff is being distributed out since the person they belong to doesn't need them anymore... yeah, i dunno... but it distressed me for a bit to read and look... i wrote back and asked nicole's parents for a large smiley face pillow she always kept on her bed at valpo... when i was stressed out and chatting with her about whatever was on my mind, nicole would sometimes let me hold the pillow... if no one asked for it before i did, then i can still have it as some sort of security blanket when i'm stressed out =) i'd like that.

it was a little sad to say goodbye to the daves too... like not the same kind of sad, but like it was fun to have them around and now my summer will start a less exciting working pace for a bit... i also just really liked having a valpo friend visit... one of the chief things i miss about valpo is hugs =)... it sounds a little weird, but it's true... amongst my friends at valpo it's not weird to give someone a hug or put your arm around their shoulders or whatever, and it doesn't mean anything out of the ordinary; just that's what people do.... with my math friends, both guys and girls, the most anyone does is a high five or something for the most part... that's fine and it's just a completely different group of people to interact with, but really, i miss the hugs... it was good to have them back for a few days at least =P

so yeah, the end... oh, that, and i posted pictures of NY from this weekend -- http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~lpudwell/photoalbum.html#nyc -- enjoy =P

later dudes =P