discussion?

re: the comment I got on the previous post

Comment: Maybe becoming "emotionally exhausted" is not because of what is happening for whatever reason but is trying to determine a 'reason' for what is happening. Some things just happen, some for no apparent reason.

Response: maybe....

Comment: For what reason does the sun rise, clear on some days and clouded on others; some leaves fall in the autumn, some do not. Some people like the taste of watermelon, some don't.

Response: the sun rises because of physics, it's cloudy some days because of weather patterns, leaves fall or don't because of the biological makeup of the tree, and some people like watermelon because their chemical makeup is predisposed to positive responses from particular tastes. there are some things we can't see the reason to, but i think by and large most if not all physical things DO have a reason, but this is a completely different tangent than i think you intended.

Comment: Maybe those cycles do not happen because grandma is 'ready to let go.' Maybe they 'just happen.' Maybe you need to stop grieving ahead of time. Maybe there's no 'reason' to do that. Maybe you'll feel better.

Response: I haven't really analyzed why things have happened the way they have with my grandmother. She's repeatedly expressed that she is ready to die whenever God sees fit for her to. However, despite all this talk of reasons, I don't think that emotions are something you just "decide" to do. I don't think it's necessarily under my control whether I feel really sad and wonder "what if..." from time to time. I think it's healthy to feel sad in response to the potential of losing someone you care about in the near future, whether it happens or not. I see it as a natural buffer that prepares you mentally for the shift of losing someone in the event that it does happen. It's not like I've been sitting around crying and writing her obituary in the event that something would happen. It's more I've been wondering more frequently than when she's not in the hospital just what might happen. The reason for such a reaction being, when I get seemingly bad news, my reflex response is to be a little sad and make sure I'm prepared to deal with WHATEVER happens next. I don't seem to think it's a bad system, but maybe I'm missing your point.

discussion?

in other news, dr. z. held class outside today (it's sunny and 60 outside); it was a beautiful day, and 99% of grad classes aren't structured so that that's an option :-P... too bad my reading class just me and him needs the computer :-P

lunch time.